The Chapter of Wait

 Dear Gentel Reader!!! (Inspiration from Bridgeton)

I am writing this blog with a heavy and anxious heart. I have meditated on the following scripture:

 Psalms 130:5-6 (ERV) "I am waiting for the LORD to help me. My soul waits for him. I trust what he says. I am waiting for my LORD, like a guard waiting and waiting for the morning to come".

Psalms 143:10 (NCV) Teach me to do what you want, because you are my God. Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

Psalms 46:5 (AFV)God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God shall help her at the approach of the morning.

 Through my meditation, I feel like the Holy Spirit sat me down for a personal counseling session. In the session, my guardian angel, Jesus, and me with the Holy Spirit leading the session. The Holy Spirit looks me in my eyes and gets me together about my posture of waiting and my position of purpose. I sit there, speechless, in tears, frustrated by the reminders, mad at the truth, and overwhelmed by the idea of continuing to wait without the fruit I want, at the timing I want it. (Did you hear and see me throw that tantrum?) I did.  

Listen, this chapter of wait hurts. It has my soul meditating on my imperfections.  Trying to examine whether there was anything I missed, need to correct, or just did not do that got me here. My spirit whispers comfort,  reminding me to surrender it all at the feet of Jesus and trust the process. My flesh is fighting the process, thinking of ways to make this waiting short, coming up with ideas to produce what I want, and letting my selfishness be the guide. 

I know I am not by myself.  I'm sure this chapter has shown up multiple times in our lives, and every time, Daddy blows our minds and shows us how it worked out for our good. Then maybe weeks, months, or years later, we're back in another episode of the waiting chapter.  Going through the same emotions. Maybe this time, be a little patient with the process and ourselves. Maybe a little wiser with our ability to be still and quiet in hearing  GOD.  Maybe a little more obedient, not as many tantrums, and sprinkles of trust and surrender. 

No matter what we are waiting for, the waiting chapter is a reminder that Daddy is the author and finisher of our life story. Also, we are reminded how we will never be able to understand the process of GOD.  We can only trust it and understand that victory is the final result. 

Prayer: Daddy, the posture of waiting can be a lot as we are positioned in purpose.  Help us! Help us be still.  Help us surrender.  Help us get over us. Help us to trust the plan, process, and timing of your hand. We desire to learn from the waiting, to see it as a gift, and to realize it's temporary, not permanent.  Daddy, today we ask that you change our hearts, minds, posture, position,  and response to waiting.  

In Jesus Name. 

Amen!

Day 14 of This Is Personal (TIP) 21 Day Fast: IF/Then formula

OOOO we have to play catch up!!! It's my fault! I hope that you are enjoying this fast. Let's dive into the last formula for week 2 and then go into week 3. 

This Is Personal (TIP)  is a 21-day fast and journey. During this journey, we will move from seeing the Word of GOD as a guidebook to seeing it as a space for personal encounters with GOD! We will explore three focus scriptures and create space for us to reflect and journal about: How to create our own record book with GOD,  How to move from who we are to who GOD has called us to be, and How to stand firm in the process during the difficult times.  Though the journey is individualized and personal, it allows for collective accountability and discussion. 

You can send your prayer request and answers to the homework assignments to: thisispersonaldevotional@gmail.com

Also, join us for prayer on Mondays and Thursdays during the fast:

Mondays at 6 am cst (starting January 29, 2024)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86178915186?pwd=Q1JKMFlpMENaeFZNaHZXLzB4QUROdz09

Meeting ID: 861 7891 5186

Passcode: TIP2124

Thursdays at 7 pm cst (starting February 1, 2024)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84134169890?pwd=Z2xQallweWQ4NTBnSTlZeWpXN3cydz09

Meeting ID: 841 3416 9890

Passcode: TIP2124!

Day 11 of This Is Personal (TIP) 21 Day Fast: Obedience Formula

 Hey Reader!

How are you? How are you doing on this fast? Are you feeling like things are happening and you don't know what? I know I am. It has been a strange week for me. I have been in my emotions, feeling heavy and overwhelmed, and I still don't know what I really preached about on Sunday. I feel out of it. I want to be a better person this week, but I feel so drained. With all these things I am encouraged that GOD is about to do something BIG. Being Obedient can cause these things. Being in the position of choosing to write your blog over getting so much-needed sleep can be taxing; however, worth it when you do it because you love GOD and do not see Him as the judge only. Check out today's video as we dive into the obedience formula.

This Is Personal (TIP)  is a 21-day fast and journey. During this journey, we will move from seeing the Word of GOD as a guidebook to seeing it as a space for personal encounters with GOD! We will explore three focus scriptures and create space for us to reflect and journal about: How to create our own record book with GOD,  How to move from who we are to who GOD has called us to be, and How to stand firm in the process during the difficult times.  Though the journey is individualized and personal, it allows for collective accountability and discussion. 

You can send your prayer request and answers to the homework assignments to: thisispersonaldevotional@gmail.com

Also, join us for prayer on Mondays and Thursdays during the fast:

Mondays at 6 am cst (starting January 29, 2024)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86178915186?pwd=Q1JKMFlpMENaeFZNaHZXLzB4QUROdz09

Meeting ID: 861 7891 5186

Passcode: TIP2124

Thursdays at 7 pm cst (starting February 1, 2024)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84134169890?pwd=Z2xQallweWQ4NTBnSTlZeWpXN3cydz09

Meeting ID: 841 3416 9890

Passcode: TIP2124!

Day 2 of This Is Personal (TIP) 21 Day Fast: Forget the Former Things

Great Day  Readers we are in Day 2! 

This Is Personal (TIP)  is a 21-day fast and journey. During this journey, we will move from seeing the Word of GOD as a guidebook to seeing it as a space for personal encounters with GOD! We will explore three focus scriptures and create space for us to reflect and journal about: How to create our own record book with GOD,  How to move from who we are to who GOD has called us to be, and How to stand firm in the process during the difficult times.  Though the journey is individualized and personal, it allows for collective accountability and discussion. 

You can send your prayer request and answers to the homework assignments to: thisispersonaldevotional@gmail.com

Also, join us for prayer on Mondays and Thursdays during the fast:

Mondays at 6 am cst (starting January 29, 2024)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86178915186?pwd=Q1JKMFlpMENaeFZNaHZXLzB4QUROdz09

Meeting ID: 861 7891 5186

Passcode: TIP2124

Thursdays at 9 pm cst (starting January 25, 2024)

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/84134169890?pwd=Z2xQallweWQ4NTBnSTlZeWpXN3cydz09

Meeting ID: 841 3416 9890

Passcode: TIP2124!

2024 and More

 Happy New Year Readers!

It has been a while I know and that is because life has been lifeing. I have had so many changes and challenges while still trying to keep the faith that  Daddy says that it will all work together for my good and will bring him glory. But where is the glory in disappointment and delays? OOOO.... that just hit me like a ton of bricks.  I am sure I am not the only one who has asked that question at least once in their life. However, we are in a new year and you know the saying "new year, new me"! I don't always agree with that, because there are some things from the previous year that I probably still need to work on in this new year. With that being said I am inviting you to come on a 21-day journey with me as I fast from personal things. I am doing something new and including a video with the blog. GOD is really creating this fast as I work on developing it. The fast will start January 22-February 12, 2024. I know you asking now Shawndrika what's different about this fast, versus the one that I am doing with my church or small group. Well, this fast is personal. 

Let me explain, I have fasted on numerous occasions with my church, friends, and small group. Though it yielded some great fruit, it had me hyper-focused on dos and don'ts versus the GOD will and have your way. Let me be honest it didn't feel personal. It didn't feel like what I was giving up was a sacrifice that could move the heart of GOD to see how committed I was to making room for Him in the area(s) I didn't trust him with. Yes, the Daniel fast is great, but because it's one of the popular fasts it starts to feel like a cliche that we do as a church at the beginning of the year. Translation it is a routine to add to the many routines we already have. This fast creates a level of accountability and self-examination. It dives into a space of personal sacrifice on an individual level versus that of a collective, while still creating discipline, community, and consistency. This fast will make you evaluate how you trust and see GOD in this present moment and cause you to start your own record book with HIM. Listen, I am getting excited thinking about it. I am in a place where I have to take GOD out of my comfortable box of how I know Him and expand how He wants me to know Him. In other words, I can't keep limiting my intimacy because I fear the process that comes with it. So if you are curious about this fast join me on the 22nd and see if this is for you. If not that's cool. However, I challenge you to check how you box GOD. Does your relationship with Daddy cause others to be curious about how to get to know Him? 

Prayer: Daddy, we thank you for this new year. Help us not to box you to our comfort level, allow us to meet you where you desire us to see you. Let us never become comfortable with our level of intimacy with you. Help us desire more of you in a world that is forever changing. In Jesus Name, AMEN

I Am Worried

Hey Readers!!! 

I know it's been a while and I promise you all have been on my mind, but life... I am sure you all can understand how life's ups and downs can get you so off-tracked and discouraged that you start to place energy away from your assignment onto the things you should surrender to GOD.  As I prepare to celebrate another year around the sun and a new year. I find myself worrying about things I haven't worried about in the past. I am worried about being a great daughter to an elderly parent as an only child. I am worried if I am prepared to deal with the single life for another year with no children. I am worried if I can deal with the ups and downs of life healthy.  These worries have had me up since 4:34 am this morning asking Daddy to come to the table with Jesus for a "Come to Jesus" meeting. I asked Daddy how did I get here. What did I do or go wrong when it comes to how I have been living life for Him and with Him? I was so frustrated to point that I stop speaking and surrendering, that I start asking for a word. You know what Daddy did?!? He gave me a word not once but twice. The first word he gave me is found in

 Proverbs 12:25 NLT " Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up". The TPT version says "Anxious fear brings depression, but a life-giving word of encouragement can do wonders to restore joy to the heart".

Both versions address what I have been feeling, worry and anxiety, which leads to a place of depression and lack of joy. But what really got me was part B of the scripture "an encouraging word restores joy to the heart." Listen!!! I almost lost it because I realize I was so busy dwelling in the cave of worry and anxiety that I was not making way for the encouraging word. The word that could restore me... The word that would cheer me up. David said it best in 

1 Samuel 30:6 "And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God." 

There are times in our worry and anxious moments when we must encourage ourselves in GOD. This means we must surrender. Let's focus on part B of that scripture using the word surrender. "David surrendered himself to the LORD his GOD." That scripture and the action of David take on a whole other meaning of what we should do when it's time for us to encourage ourselves. It reminds us that to truly be in a position of encouragement we must surrender... not just the things we don't have handled, but the things we have a handle on. 

The second word came from an ex that is a friend. He struggles with his GOD relationship and from day one of us meeting I have prayed that he would have an encounter with GOD that would change his life and push him into his GOD destiny and healing. This morning he says to me:

"Hey, something told me to call you to give you this scripture Phillipians 4:13, I am sure you are familiar with what it says, but I am going to remind you what it says...You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you. This doesn't include failure. So, no matter what you go going on, you are promised success". Now I am on the phone with tears coming out of my eyes saying, ok Daddy you really do love me. Because he got out of his comfort zone just to be obedient to give me that word.  I want to encourage someone you may feel like your ability to encourage others may be in vain or you may be sowing seeds on bad ground, but let me tell you the process, the seeds, the wait, and obedience are so worth it. Mind-blowing blessings are on the way keep up the work and stay in the posture of surrendering. 

Today I challenge us to do three things 1) surrender EVERYTHING to GOD; 2) give an encouraging word to someone so you can have room to be encouraged; 3) trust the timing and promises of GOD. The wait may seem heavy; however, the fruit is great and worth the process (preaching to myself)

Prayer: Daddy we surrender all!!! All to you and the things you have in store for us. We surrender the things we think we have control of, and we make room for you. We expect you to handle everything that concerns us because you are not a man that you would lie to, and your words say we can trust you.  In Jesus' Name. AMEN!

I Don't Want to Be Gold

▲

 

 Great Day DDC Readers! It's the last day of Black History Month and I want to go out with a bang. As you know I am working on being more consistent with blogging, by at least writing a blog once a month. I thought today would be a perfect day to address something as we deal with what's going on in the world. But, before we dive in I have a question for you. Have you checked out Jesus+Therapy, Sis on your favorite podcast platform? No, what are you waiting for? Just Click Jesus+Therapy, Sis, and join the conversation. Now, that the announcements are out the way. Let's dive into the word and message.

So, currently, as I write this Urkinane and Russia are at a place of war. The news is reporting everything that is going on, and we see that there are some racial remarks being made. We also see that the African citizens of Urkinane are being denied the ability to get on trains or subways in order to get to a place of safety in Poland. I have a sister who is Jamaican and she reported that there are Jamaican students who are walking 14 hours with the HOPES to get to a safe place. Yes, the HOPE to get to a safe place! This breaks my heart that in 2022 racism continues to have a global reach in the midst of a major war. WOW! During my prayer and meditation time, I was reading my Bible plan, and this scripture 

1 Peter1:6-7 (TPT) came up and read me. 

"6May the thought of this cause you to jump for joy,  even though lately you’ve had to put up with the grief of many trials.  7But these only reveal the sterling core of your faith, which is far more valuable than gold that perishes, for even gold is refined by fire. Your authentic faith will result in even more praise, glory, and honor when Jesus the Anointed One is revealed".

I know you are wondering what about this scripture read me. I am glad you ask. Let me break this down for you in verse 6 it says "even though lately you've had to put with the grief of many trials". With everything that is going on in the world, the grief is thick and the trials of life seem to feel unbearable to me. It feels like GOD has forgotten about His word. That Daddy is not listening to His Daughter. It has really caused me to think... Am I valuable to Him, like He says I am, or am I making this up? However, verse 7 is the read "But these only reveal the sterling core of your faith, which is far more valuable than gold that perishes, for even gold is refined by fire. Your authentic faith will result in even more praise, glory, and honor when Jesus the Anointed One is revealed". Did you see what I highlighted? The true read of this verse is the theme found in these two highlighted sessions. YOUR FAITH! These moments of grief and trials are to produce the purity of your faith in its most authentic form. This is not about the situation. This is not about the circumstances, people, or even the emotions and feelings you are feeling about it all. It's about, you having the FAITH to trust Daddy.  Do you have the FAITH that no matter what trials, tribulations, or grief moments you endure that it will result in praise, glory, and honor to the Father!?! Receiving this revelation made my life change! It reminded me that what seems like a dark night is really a fire that creates another level of next level and FAITH in me! It makes the scripture Proverbs 30:5b more clear "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning". Listen the joy is found in the strengthening of our FAITH. 

So, don't allow the grief and trial to derail you from the process of the fire. The fire's job is to take your faith to the next level that you can experience the unmeasurable joy of the LORD.

Prayer: Daddy we thank you for the fire that we call trials and grief. We realize that these moments give way for the manifestation of next-level Faith that will produce praise, glory, and honor unto you.  You are might Daddy and though we may not see the trial and grief as a moment of Faith, we ask that you change our view and vision to see it that way. Let us respond to these moments knowing that you are about to take our Faith to the next level. Let us responds with joy and gladness in our hearts, trusting you in the process. In Jesus' Name. AMEN!

It Don't Take All That: I Don't Want To Pray

 Great Day Readers!!!

I am sure you are seeing the title of this blog and are truly puzzled since the blog is based on conversations with GOD and prayer is conversations with GOD. So, I want to explain myself and get to the thoughts behind the title. On yesterday before we started the recording of our podcast Jesus+Therapy, Sis (check us out on Spotify and Youtube, make sure to like, share, follow, subscribe, hit the bell, and leave a comment) I told my sister I had got a text from one of our friends about an event called "The Gathering." I looked at the website for the event saw several pastors and ministry leaders that I knew and I was like ok interesting. The friend was like you should be here sis. I told the friend that I did not see anything pulling me to come to the event. She was like you don't know who these people are, I was like yes. She went on to state how some of the speakers were Generals in prayer and how they influenced her life. I was ok. She was like you don't feel pulled sis 😲😲😲. I didn't respond. Because to be honest no I didn't feel pulled. I then made a statement to my sister before the recording " I don't want to pray"!

 I know what you are thinking and we did a whole podcast on my statement. Let me explain what I mean. There are people that are called to the place of intercession. They are passionate about interceding for others, praying, and going before the thorn to get all the heavens and experience GOD on so many levels.  Ya'll that ain't me. If I could be honest with you, my readers, I struggle to pray and this particular friend is a general in prayer. I mean she shifts atmospheres with her prayers, and she is passionate about that area. She even wrote a book about it and it is great. When I said, " I don't want to pray", I simply mean that I don't want to be so caught up in the experience of someone's ability to pray a certain way that I don't find my own way to talk to Daddy. I stated in the podcast that people pray from their prayer experience. Don't believe me, let's check the bible. Jesus prayed from the position of the savior, he was able to have an open and honest dialogue with Daddy about how he felt and what he was thinking. David prayed from a place of pay and wanting relief, which is why we see him being angry and then reminding himself that he has to focus on Daddy. The disciples prayed from a place of hope and intimacy because they had tangible encounters with GOD. The Children of Israel prayed from a place of promise and hope because they saw what GOD could do when they were obedient and sometimes even when they weren't. So many times when we pray, we become so intimidated by the experience of others that the spirit of comparison takes over we find ourselves not wanting to pray. 

It's not that I don't love to pray, I do, however, there are times were my prayers, because of my experiences and my desires to go to another level where I find myself in a place of intercession. However, my passion and positions in that prayer time are to really just have a little talk with Jesus. I don't want to find myself in a place of comparison with those that may have a deeper level of prayer, and feel the need to force myself to be there. To be that deep, to go through some experience that is really not mine to be able to be on their level. If I have to do what they do in order to GOD's attention I am like this, I don't want to pray.  

There are times in our lives as believers that we find ourselves in a position where we want GOD on another level, however, we want Him through our authentic experience. We don't want to feel like we have to work to talk to GOD or that we have to do what everyone else is doing. We want to work our part in the body of Christ and not be judged or ridiculed that we don't look like everyone else. I think this is why have people who were once saved saying they don't want to do this anymore and why we have a generation that is not desiring GOD like past generations. 

Can I be honest? We make everything about GOD in religion impossible. That's why I feel that body of Christ, Christians are always being judged and talked about. Between the rules of the various denominations and the attributes of what holiness looks like, it becomes overwhelming to want to connect with an untouchable GOD. It makes prayer a chore and not a conversation of intimacy and with the expectation of response. 

My prayer is that as you read this you realize that your prayer life is based on your personal experience with Christ and your relationship with Daddy. That you do not fall into the trap of comparison that it causes you to not want to pray or even respond in prayer when life creates situations beyond your understanding.

 

Prayer:  Daddy, help us to remember the principles of prayer and the goal to connect and communion with you. Helps us not to get caught up in another person's experience that we must our own personal experience with you. Helps to see prayer as an exciting time to communicate with you and not a chore because it's the job of what a believer is suppose to do. Help us not become intimidated by other's experience or feel judged by their prayer growth. Let become motivation for us to want to communion with you more. In Jesus Name! AMEN

That's It!

Great Day Readers!

 It's been a while since my last blog and can I tell you it had been a whirlwind of a year already. I mean three snowstorms in Alabama, yet along in the south is totally unheard of, along with tornados, and other crazy life changes. This week took that cake! This week I had to let my sorority sisters know that our sister had passed! UGH, THAT'S IT!!! If being single and waiting wasn't enough, I am now having to deal with life-changing things on my own. I don't know about you, but I got a "THAT'S IT" in my spirit. I have been approached by so many men who are seeking marriage, however, are emotionally unavailable and truly just using their gift of gab. THAT'S IT!!!

Now, the spirit of "THAT'S IT" is strong. It creates a heart of discouragement, frustration, and sometimes disappointment. It makes you think that what you desire seems impossible (Though we know nothing is impossible with GOD. Mathew 19:26) This spirit had me so over everything that I did not know what to do. I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about the situation and the emotions I had about this "THAT'S IT spirit. I am sure I am not by myself. Waiting for some things to manifest, serving GOD as much as you can, in excellence, while still trying to keep your flesh in check. Oh, don't forget about listening to married church people talking about if you just work and focus on GOD he will come. Ma'am, sir, HOW!?!? I can't work, when I'm busy killing my flesh, trying to keep my emotions in tack, trying to be obedient, and still trying to "enjoy being single after being married." Oh, let's not forget having to explain to people that being divorced and single is different than never being married and single. When you have tasted the fruit of marriage you desire it again after you have healed from it.

 Can I be real? It's been 8 years since my divorce, and I am going into my fifth year of celibacy. I have no babies, and the thought of marriage is getting discouraging. Dating seems like it's more time-consuming than a process, and it seems like EVERYONE is getting the revelation of marriage and love but for me. Oh, don't even get me started about the fact that everything that I prayed for, screamed about at the altar, cried about in worship, and rolled on the floor about in my closet is happening for EVERYONE in my circle, BUT who, ME! These are some of the few topics I discussed with Jesus during our come to Jesus meeting. After I got done I heard the words from Proverbs 23:26 (TPT) "My son, give me your heart and embrace fully what I’m about to tell you". Where you see the word son, it was replaced with daughter for me. Can we break this scripture down so we can break this "THAT'S IT" spirit? Let's start with the first part of this verse, "My son, give me your heart". This first part broke me all the way down. Daddy literally asked me for something I should surrender daily. He asked me for the one place that captures everything about me. The place that I function from the most, and have been for a while...My heart. UGH. The reason this spirit has a hold on me is because my heart has conformed to the things of this world. The measurements of time, space, and energy, the very things GOD created and has complete control of. Let that sit. The place Daddy needs to start the deliverance process is the one thing we all struggle to surrender...our hearts. Let's go to the next part of the scripture, "embrace fully what I'm about to tell you". UGH!!!! Not only do I have to surrender my heart, I also have to sit still enough to hear what He has to tell me. Let me say that again, we have to sit still and hear what Daddy has to say. There is power in the stillness, even if it feels like there is no one there. This is the climax of my deliverance. This is where the spirit of "THAT'S IT" loses its grip on your life, and you grab hold of the joy of the Lord. Now, this is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. You must be in a place where you are patient with you and understand that the work that Daddy needs to do in you takes time. 

I am still in the process of my deliverance as I write this blog, however, I understand that in order for me to prepare, walk-in, and be the wife that I am called to be, I must go through the process and realize That's It!

Prayer: Daddy, we come to you right now thanking for the ability to realize when we have a "THAT'S IT" spirit. Help us surrender our hearts to you and to be still enough to hear your voice of instructions while taking them in not just for the moment, but for the lifetime. We understand that if we surrender us it will lead to the that's it in you. In Jesus's Name! AMEN

The Out Pour of A Daughter

Great Day Readers!!!

Today we will talk about a conversation I with Daddy concerning people and situations. There are times when we need to just vent and then listen to Daddy!

Daddy, I have to defend myself... I am tired of them talking about me!!! They don't know.. they weren't there!!! Why can't they just accept my decision? Why do I feel the need to please them? Daddy... I gotta keep talking about it...It still bothers me... I know I forgave, he/she, them, and they...I know you told me to let go... But how?!? I have to have a dialogue with someone about it... UGH!!! Do I have to talk about it always? YES...I need to talk about it!! Daddy, t makes me analyze what I need to not do the next time. What I need to look for the next time. I am distracted, Daddy... by what the world has to offer... what goals I have to accomplish... the need to fit in...to show that I can...I did it, DADDY!!!... I am distracted, by what I haven't accomplished...it should have been done about 5 years ago. See, here is the date in my journal... age 25.. married...26...practice in place....27....pregnant with 1st baby... see daddy (pointing at journal notes)...it's right here...DADDY!!!! 

Daughter, calm down! There is no need for a defense when I am your standard. They have no power on how my plan for your life will turn out! They don't know the value of your testimony!  They don't understand what I am doing through you! No need to defend what YOU Don't even know! You don't know my plan. You can't even think like I do. We on two totally different pages. Stop defending yourself!  Find yourself in me and take refuge in what I have said in my word and watch me protect you! So, you feel the need to talk about it? Analyze what you did and did not do? Daughter why continue to talk about your past when I am presenting you with a new present! Every morning do not I breathe life into you??? What is there to talk about, but my promises and word? Nothing!!! What's done is done!  What's said is said!!  But the conversation you need to have is not with yourself, but me... I am listening.. I have the answers... no need to analyze when I have the answered. You need someone to talk to?!? You need to have meaningful dialogue?!?  I have the right person to have it with... ME!!! My Holy Spirit is speaking too!! This world has nothing to offer you!  What I possess for you is priceless and to get distracted with this world over my word is not what I called you to! I know you have heart's desires that seem like that are simple and easy to accomplish. I know that you have things plan and written down. Yes, I told you in my word to write the vision and make it plain. But, never once did I give you a timeline. Time is something that I am never worried about. I control it! I know what "Perfect Time" looks like! Yes, your list has value to me, because it's your heart's desires, but the time you have set to accomplish them has no value. As a matter of fact, it sets limits, valueless standards, and leaves no room for me to take you beyond what you have set. So, stop being distracted with what this world has to offer and become distracted with my word...my presence...my peace..my joy...my personal promises to you...my plan for your life...my victory...my voice...my guidance and leadership in your life. Be distracted with growing my kingdom and telling someone about me. You have so much more to be distracted with besides "this list" you have created, which has placed you in a comfortable box...which creates a blockage to my glory and voice. So, let it go I got you. Today, make up in your mind to have no defense, dialogue, or distractions when I am your DADDY!!! 

With Great expectation for us,
---Daddy

Prayer: Daddy, our prayer is simple today. Today we ask that you be LORD over our lives and create the path to our success. We let go of our control and we surrender all. In Jesus Name...AMEN

I Don't Care

Hey Readers!!!

I know it's been a while and I promised once a month you would hear from me, BUT LIFE!! Those two words alone can preach a sermon that reaches nations!!! But we will talk about that one later.

 Today as I was looking at my Facebook Memories and I ran across a post that I wrote when I was transitioning from being married to dealing with my divorce, to being single again. In this season in my life, I was in a place where I was nonchalant about a lot of things, including my relationship with Daddy. We were just getting reacquainted with each other and I was in a place where everything that could happen, happened!! I was lost and I had developed an attitude and even verbiage of "I Don't Care." So, here is my confession and I hope it helps someone. We will talk more about it after you read it.

Confession: I am really in an I don't care mood. I don't know why I feel like this and I am sitting in my office trying to shake it off... But then I hear the Holy Spirit says to me  I don't care is not a bad place in the right timing... Let me say that again "I don't care is not a bad place in the right timing."(I can shout right there) I know you are saying what does that mean Shawndrika? If I am trusting GOD to be the supplier of all my needs, the lifter of my head, and I am doing my part... I don't care if I have to wait. I don't care if I have to be single until he finds me. I don't care if people don't understand my actions. I don't care if I have to cry to get through the day. I don't care if my communication with GOD causes me to miss moments that others think are important. I don't care if I have to sow, separate myself, or even endure until He comes. I don't care if I have to be silent while people talk about me. I don't care if it hurts now, my Daddy will heal me later. I DON'T CARE!!! When you get to a place where you Don't Care in the right timing then you will realize the freedom in trusting the Father. Learn how to not care in the right manner and watch GOD turn things around. #notcaringwiththerightspririt #idontcareaboutthecost #itsworthit

Whew!!! Were you blessed by that? I know I was!!! It reminded me again the energy we put in caring about things that we can't control, out of our control, and beyond our control. It also reminded me that there are times in our lives where we put so much energy in caring about people, situations, and circumstances, that we miss Daddy caring for us. (Oh, someone is going to get that in a minute) we care so much about the next that we can't enjoy the now. Today do me a favor get you a healthy "I Don't Care," attitude and let Daddy care for you.

Prayer: Daddy, help us have an "I Don't Care" attitude when comes to things that you are taking care of. Let us gain more access to you as we "Don't Care," for the things of this world or the things people say about us. Help to Don't Care for the things you don't care about... Like sin, idols, and being disobedient. Thank you, Daddy, that we "Don't Care" in a healthy way! In Jesus Name. AMEN!

HeartBroken

Hey Readers,

I know it's been a while, but I have been in an unmotivated funk. No reason on the why, but just have. But this past weekend a statement was made that blew my funk out the water. "GOD will break your heart to blow your mind."

What do you do when Daddy breaks your heart to blow your mind? Well, with a heart of thanksgiving you tell Him thank you. I am sure that the statement alone has some of you all confused. Why would Daddy break my heart, when He told me that He would give me my heart desires? (Ps 37:4) Well, can we quickly (and I do mean quickly) examine that scripture? When Daddy talks about giving you your heart desires here, we must examine the three verses prior. It says that we must delight ourselves in Daddy. When we delight ourselves in Him then, He will give us the desires of our heart. But we get the desires of our heart because they are actually His heart desires for us. Which brings me back to the statement that I said at the beginning of the blog that shook my world. "Daddy will break your heart to blow your mind."

I know you wondering why did this statement shake you so much? Well, it's because a lot of times we see Daddy's no as a punishment, as an indication that we are not doing something right or we did something wrong. But, in reality, His no, is His way of telling us what you are asking for is not big enough for me to give you. That I need to break your heart, so your mind can be blown by the thoughts I have towards you. That you need to realize that you aren't thinking my heart desires for you. That you are not connected to me like I need you to be. This what this statement is saying. Daddy is telling us to be bold enough and have so much faith that we are willing to trust Him to break our hearts so, I can blow our minds. WHEW!!! That was a lot to tell and take in, but it was worth it.

We must shift our hearts and minds when it comes to Daddy. We can't be content in our thinking, or even our heart desires that we miss Him. Daddy wants the best for us, and though we are thinking best, bigger, and greater for ourselves, Daddy feels as though we can go deeper and bigger.  Today, do me a favor... Let Daddy break your heart so, he can blow your mind!!

Prayer: Daddy, break our hearts, that our minds can be blown by your grace, favor, love, joy, and peace. Break us so we can be in a position to desire more of you and last of us. Break us, that we may be a testimony of your love towards us. Break us that we may enjoy life more abundantly here on earth. Break us, so we can see you. In JESUS Name! AMEN!!!

I Became A Bride

Hey readers!!!

I hope you are praying for me through this #bloglikecrazy challenge. I have missed two days so far and I am already feeling like I have nothing to write about. But, I must press on and really trying to finish strong!!!

So, today while on the way to work I got a message from my cousin. Now, let me give you some background information about my cousin and why the message she sent to me was life-changing. See earlier this year she got a divorce after being married over 5 years with two beautiful girls. She had never driven before, was a full-time mom, with a part-time in-home daycare. She was super depended on her husband, and when he left her and the kids for the life he wanted, she was overwhelmed and devastated. However, she made a decision to get her license to stay where she was and make the best of things by trusting Daddy. Well, this month she got engaged to a man that worships the ground she walks on, loves her and her girls, but most importantly loves GOD. He pursued her by seeking Daddy and when he asked for her hand it was though he was an answered prayer. I sent her a message congratulating her and telling her how excited I was for her. I ended my message with "You give me hope." Why? Because, I am divorced, no kids, and have been waiting. (sidebar: you will probably see this blog again on my DFH365 blog during #bloglikecrazy but from a different perspective. If you not following DHF365 please go to dearfuturehusband365.wordpress.com to follow) Now back to our regular scheduled program...  So, she messaged me back and said this: "Thanks girl, remember what one man throws away, becomes another man's treasure. Any man that see the treasure in you and is willing to pursue you by seeking Daddy will be one lucky man". I started to cry because I never see things like that. But what really got me was the revelation and my response to her message. I said: "Thank you I really needed to hear that. I am accepting the fact that even if I don't become a bride to a man, I am a bride of Christ." OOOOOOOOO Ok!!!! That statement blew me away!!! To even hear myself say it out loud kind of scared me a little. Because I have always desired to get married again, but the real truth is even if I don't I am still a bride of Christ.

As I continue to meditate on my statement, Daddy spoke these words to me, "Before you were even formed and born I called you my Bride. I proposed to you a long time ago and was excited when you told me "I do"! "You are and will always be the bride I pursue until we meet in the sky. My will for you is simple. That you love me. Pursue me.  Trust me, hear me, and be open with me. I am a gentleman and will never force my way into your heart. I want to be all you need when you need it. I want to be the perfect love song for you."

Ya'll, those words ring in my hear as I write this. I realize that even if I never become a wife to a man, I am still a bride to Daddy. Not only am I His daughter I am His bride. I get to carry His last name and reap the benefits. I know you are wondering...What's the moral to the blog?

The moral of this blog is simple: Don't allow what you haven't become detour you from what Daddy has called you to. See I know He called me to be a wife and that in my mind it meant to a man. But what if He called me to be a wife to him instead. We must be satisfied with what we have and where we are. We can't rush the process because we feel like time is not on our side or we will miss moments. Daddy is the author and finisher of our lives and the creator of time. Even if we miss it the first time, He is capable of recreating the moment for us to get it again.

Prayer:  Daddy, thank you for reminding us that we are a bride to you. That we are your choose vessels and that in you we can find peace and comfort. That we can say I do to you over and over and your love for us will never change. We thank you for a wedding ring we will never have to take off. In JESUS Name. AMEN

P.S. Days 6 & 7 #bloglikecrazy2018

Pick Me Up In The Spirit

So, the other day I was strolling through Instagram and I came upon this post that stated: "Check on your strong friends".  I don't know about you, but that statement hit a string in my spirit. Why? Because I am "The" strong friend. I am the friend that wakes up and prays in the middle of the night with you. The friend that you can lean on. The friend that is pushing, motivating and encouraging you to get to your next. I am "The Strong Friend".  After seeing that post I had some thoughts come to my head. Well, technically the thoughts came after an emotion I had about two people I consider to be my best friends made me feel some kind of way. I have embarked on a new journey in my life that requires more than what I expected to give, honestly. This journey has caused me to be busier, but not busy at the same time.  (I know that sounds confusing...let me see if I can explain it better) It has caused me to be in a position of being on call with some flexibility. But, this doesn't mean that I did not or don't have time for my friends. After looking at pictures of them having fun on the weekend, it made me realize that these people that I have labeled best friends to the point to call them sister and brother, don't pick me up in the spirit like I do them. They aren't in tune with me like I am with them, and that made me really upset. Because, when they need me I am there, whether they verbally express it or I pick it up in my spirit.

Me having these feelings lead to a conversation I had with my little sister when I told her that my desire in this season is for someone, anyone in my circle to just pick me up in the spirit. I just want one person to say" I am praying for you. I am proud of you. Thank you for being a friend". Something!! Then I was reminded of a scripture found in Philippians 4:14 " Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble".  (ESV) That scripture really spoke my heart. It caused me to be in a place where I had to evaluate my friends and even myself. Am I the friend that picks her friends up in the spirit? When I do, do I act in a way to cover them? Protect them? Heck, call and check on them? The answer to the last two questions is no. Why? I really can't tell you the why behind it. But, what I can tell you is that I am striving to do better and have apologized to those that I have dropped after picking them up in the spirit.

Today, I want to challenge us to not only desire friends that pick us up in the spirit. But, to actually be the friend that executes the actions after we pick friends up in the spirit.

Prayer:  Daddy, thank you for building us to carry the weight of your Spirit in us. Thank you for allowing us to be in a position that we can pick up our friends. And that You have surrounded us with people that can pick us in the spirit as well. Daddy, help us be bold enough to act on the picking up. Help us be able to not only pick them up but actually call and check on them. Help us to be consistent in our check-ins and helps us maintain a connection that we can pick them up as often as needed. In Jesus name!!! AMEN!!!

P.S. Day 2 of #bloglikecrazy completed!!! Thank you for reading and coming on this journey with me.

Birthday Behavior

Hello Readers!!!

I know, I know!!! I haven't posted in two weeks!! But, can I be honest I haven't had the energy and know how to post, what you need in order to be in encouraged. So, I had to get my life and pray about what I needed to share with you.

So, today is a special day. I didn't want to release this blog on Tuesday as usual because I wanted you to be a part of my birthday celebration. Yes, today is my birthday and I am super excited about it. Every year for the last 6 years I have always been in a funk when it is time for my birthday countdown. I would find myself comparing where I should be to where I am. I would think about all that I lost. My areas of lack. My areas of fear and frustration. Anything negative, I thought about it as my birthday approached. But, this year was different I don't know what happened or when it happened. (That's usually how Daddy works. He will shift you and transition into your next without you  being fully aware of the shift or the transition).

Today is not your usual blog.  It is a blog filled with revelation and insight. One to encourage you to enjoy life in spite of! This blog is to bring you more aware of what is going on with you. What Daddy wants to do through you. How you can live the abundant life that Jesus talks about in John 10:10

Let's get started!!!

As I prepared for today I decided to do three things. 1. Reflect. Not on what I wanted and needed. Not on what I did not have. But, reflect on the fact that I did not look like what I had been through. I start to look at pictures from the last 6 years. I saw how I lost and gain weight. I saw how my mask sometimes showed, but no one confronted me about it. I saw how I pushed through despite feeling like life was not even worth living. 2. Realize. I came to the realization that who I am will never be who everyone needed me to be. I will not be able to please everyone, fit there mode, or even be accepted by everyone. Last 3. Revelation. I got the revelation that I have not lived up to my full potential. That I have allowed myself to become complacent, fearful, and doubtful. I found myself comparing myself to people I thought I wanted to be, instead of asking Daddy what He needed me to be.

Through these decisions, five things were birth out of me. 1. Concentration. I realize that I need to focus on what is in front of me. Learn from what is behind me. Prepare for what is ahead of me.  By doing these things I will be able to be productive. 2. Consistent. When you create a routine that works keep working it. Keep building on it. Having foundation is the key to success and consistency is the cornerstone. Daddy is consistent, and because we are made in His image we must be the same. 3. Courage. You must be bold enough to think outside your box. To be in a position where you are willing to say "Yes," in spite of the test. Your "Yes", can't be compromised due to your discomfort. Which brings me to the fourth thing...4. Comfort. You must become comfortable being uncomfortable. See the more you get used to being uncomfortable the more you get shifted and transited into your next. Last but not least 5. Completion. This one is hard because I am so goal oriented that I felt like this referred to my assignment and not me as a person. But, this completion is about being whole. It's about realizing that what you thought you needed was not what you really needed. It's about being ok with you despite your flaws. It's the summary of everything I have discussed with you so far.

So, I am sure you are wondering how can all this information help you out. What can you do with this information? Simple. Use it. Look and see what you need to work on in the three decisions. What decisions do you need to make that you haven't made? What decisions do you need to re-evaluate? The five things birth out of me... Well, those or my tools, revelations, elements of life. They are the things that I need for this next chapter. They can be some or all that you need in your current journey.

Today, I challenge you to use my birthday to create a new year for you. No, not a new you, a new year. We are always waiting for January 1 for us to start all over. But, the reality is, our new year starts every time we open our eyes and breathe the breath of life.

Prayer: Daddy, we thank you for this moment. The moment to breathe, your breath of life. The moment to really get somethings straight in our lives. We thank you for the ability to point out the things we need to deal with. The thing that we need to evaluate and make decisions about in our lives. We realize we do not have time to waste, and we must stay in tune with you. Thank you for your guidance through your Holy Spirit. This moment could not be productive without your Holy Spirit. In JESUS name! AMEN!

Demand In The Earth, Dangerous Prayer (Part 1)

So, last week I told you about my transition and this week can I tell you about my dangerous prayer?
Ok, I know you are like a dangerous prayer... Yep, a prayer so dangerous that you are scared to even pray it because the consequences are so great and the process may feel unbearable. A prayer that comes with life-changing results and a stretch, tug, and pulls on your purpose and next. With all that being said and explained, let me tell you my dangerous prayer...

I was with one of my favorite sisters and she was on the phone with someone talking about the service that she offered through her company that she is the founder and CEO of.  (She is an international educator. She teaches all over the world and helps parents in and outside of the US become better educators for their children) As she continued her call I realize how much a demand my sister and her services were in the earth. I told her, "Sis you are truly a demand in the earth"...That's when the dangerous prayer entered my spirit and came out my mouth... "Lord I want to be a demand in the earth". I didn't realize it was a dangerous prayer until three days later when I got an email saying... "Hey girl, I have been looking for you!" 72 hours after praying, GOD the manifestation of my words became my reality. So, I knew what I prayed had to be dangerous due to the quick turn around that took place.  A week after getting the email, I was on a call with another sister who told me, "Sis, I am glad you called me I need you to pray about your participation in a conference that I am having in October." Look, let me tell you all something when I prayed that prayer, I was not really expecting results. OOOOOOO... Pause...Stop, back that up... "I said when I prayed the prayer I was not really expecting results". How many times do we pray prayers without the expectation of seeing them manifest? I'll wait, while you think of the many times you said prayers that you thought would take forever or never to manifest.

Let's be real for a moment, we pray some prayers and expect GOD to do them right away, but there are times that we pray and before we say AMEN, we already thinking GOD ain't about to do that for real.  But, we continue to pray the dangerous prayers not realizing the setup that we are creating for ourselves.

I know you are wondering what am I trying to tell you. Am I encouraging you to pray these dangerous prayers? Am I warning you about these dangerous prayers?  What am I telling you? I'm telling you both. I want to encourage you to pray these prayers, but be aware of what comes with them. Be ready to deal with the consequences or should I say the demand that will come with them. You will be the one that people seek out. You will be the missing piece of the puzzle. You will be the one that creates a demand on someone else. Do me a favor take time right now to pray your dangerous prayer (don't read another line until you do). All it takes is one time, and that one time will cause you to pray more dangerous prayers.

Prayer: Daddy thank you for making us aware of the impact we can have on the earth if we are bold enough to pray dangerous prayers. Thank you for letting us know that we can be a demand in the earth, that you have purposed us to be a blessing to others, and create moments where you can move and breath life in situations. Thank you for allowing us to be what the earth needs for your glory. Thank that today we open our mouths with a heart of anticipation to speak the dangerous prayers that are needed for your victory to be seen. In JESUS name... AMEN!

Gut Punched

So today during my prayer time GOD checked me about my words and how I see myself. Now remind you that I was not praying for me at all. I had completed my intercession for those that I need to pray for and had read my devotion for the morning. I have purposely been making a conscience effort to be silent after prayer, because I told Daddy I wanted to hear from him. I wanted to start really making my prayer time the two way conversation it should be.

So as I laid there in silence, tempted to speak. I heard God say this "Humility is not denying your gift, ability, or beauty by dumbing them down. Humility is being in a place of acknowledging that I gave you those things and thanking me for them and sharing them with others. " So let me give you some background. I always deny my greatness.... Always. Let me give you an example... People will say "You are so smart. " I will say I don't feel that way I just think of good ideas that work out some time. See there, I was thinking I was being humble but in actually I'm downing the greatness of God in me.  

I know you wondering where did the gut punch come in... Well, Daddy check me.  He said and I quote "Every time you down grade you,  you down grade me. " Ouch!  " Being thankful and boastful can have a thin line sometimes and I understand why you try to dummy down who you are, but people aren't recognizing you they are recognizing me through you.  So when you get a compliment that's the opportunity to give me glory.  Because to deny anything great in you is like saying Daddy you messed up, you not perfect, you didn't know what you were doing when you created me. " Ouch again.... And there my readers is the gut punch. 

Today I  urge you to check your thoughts of humility.  Are you trying to dummy down who you are so you won't sound boastful? If you answered yes can I tell you that's not good. To be humble and not cross the line of boastfulness, you simply must give Daddy the glory and he will take it from there.

Prayer: Daddy thank you for the gut punches that you give. Thank even in our trying to be right we don't have to deny you to be humble. That Daddy when given a compliment or bring bragged on it's an opportunity for us to give you glory. Thank you Daddy, for those moments and reminding us everything about us is good and perfect because we are a reflection of your image.  In  Jesus Name!  Amen

The Perfect Good Bye

Today Daddy is kinda hard but easy at the same time. Today I say goodbye to 2017 and welcome 2018 with open arms! Today I come to you, asking your help, in helping me create the perfect goodbye. I feel like 2017 was the roller coaster ride that everyone talked about, but did not expect to be so bad. I mean I started the year with a positive attitude, embracing all changes, taking in all the blessings, and then it hit me. The truth of the year hit me and I realize that this roller coaster ride was not for me. But no matter how much I scream to get off it seemed like it started getting longer and longer to the point I just rode it out. I see that 2017 did not meet my expectations. It created moments where I did not see the reality of your love for me. I even got to the point where I just wanted it all to end. I mean what was 2017 really suppose to be about? Was it suppose to cause me to doubt you, limit my love for you, cause me to feel this moment of selflessness???? Was it suppose to make me cry to the point that my tears became dry? Was it suppose to disappointment this much? What was 2017 supposed to do for me? 

Daughter 2017 was the year I gave you to trust me the most. This year was not about success, favor, or even the blessings. This year was about us, our relationship, and who I am to you in the truth of your reality. I understand that you weren't prepared for all of the consequences of 2017. Whoever is? Who is ever prepared for what they do not know about? Who is ever prepared for the imperfections of my perfect moments? Who is ever prepared for my perfected timing when you are expecting a different box or presentation? Daddy, no one. Right so daughter I will help you with your perfect goodbye because my ways are always perfect and my thoughts towards you are always good. I will help you say goodbye, but before we leave can I help you embrace the hellos of 2017. Ok, Daddy. Say hello to your boldness, your strength, your new faith, your hope, and courage to come out of your comfort zone. Say hello to the leadership, the pruning, the gains, the love, and the letting go. Say hello to the things you said yes to and the things that got you the moments you were hoping for. Say hello to the new level of my presence and the growth you got to experience. Daddy, I never saw it like that. Well, daughter, it is hard to see my vision out of flesh eyes, but know that there is nothing in 2017 that I created just to make your life a question mark. I created every to bring you to this moment of goodbye. So let's say goodbye to looking back, lacking wisdom, not trusting me, and your broken vision. Let's say goodbye to the insane decisions, the people that left you empty, and the disappointments of your own decisions. Let's say goodbye to what they say, expect, or even wanted from you. Let's say goodbye to the old you! This is my perfect goodbye for you.   Daddy what a perfect goodbye it is.  Daughter, I leave you with this...  Become new in my son, and watch the old things pass away. (2Cor.5:17)

Prayer: Daddy help us to say goodbye to the things that we should not carry into 2018. Help us to embrace the tools produced in 2017, and let go of those things that we have held on for so long from the past years up until now. Let us not get caught in the resolutions of 2018 or the declarations that come with the new year, but let us get caught in your presence and wisdom. Let us grab hold to your word and make it part of our heart.  Let us not get caught up in the process but stand firm in the promises of you. We live this life to please you and hold fast to the things you have called us to. Let us embrace the stretching,  fall in love with your will, enjoy your love, hold on to your peace, and share your joy. Help us to remember we are made new in you through your son Christ Jesus, and that in him we can move forward. In Jesus Name. AMEN!

Declaration of A Daughter

 I speak wholeness in your life now... We will not wait until 2018...you will finish strong... You will face the dark, hidden, and broken place in your life with boldness and walk into your God given calling in his strength. No longer will you down play the greatness in you or settle just to be love. You will prepare for your king like a queen... You are Royalty..... You stand strong because of the intercessors that pray for you. Life will no longer be the same as of today!! It's over... Depression is sent to a dry place no longer keeping you in silent isolation. Joy is your strength, peace is your portion, and love is your life. You will never have to want for anything for the father will, has, and shall supply your needs and you will call him Abba and he will answer yes Daughter... No longer will you wait for moments you will create them with your worship and record them with your praise... You will hear the songs that the Father sings over you and you longer feel unworthy of his love.


In Jesus Name! Amen!

Chapter 35

So this is going to be a different blog because I am writing this from a heart of  frustration in the beginning. I know you, my readers are wonder what's going on, what is so different about this blog. Well this blog is different because I am going to throw a great big pity party in the beginning then end it with what you are use to....A Daddy Daughter moment.

So let's get to business shall we... Today I turn 35... I know some are wondering what's the big deal. Well the big deal is at 35 this place that I am at in life is not where I thought I would be. Never thought I would be divorce, unmarried, no kids, lost and confused about my next steps, still learning to trust Daddy with the little things, and wonder where in the heck am I going to do now that all my career goals have been accomplished... So I think. Never would I have thought that I would feel like Daddy was not hearing me or leading me on,  while just being found in another process. Process... Now that's a word that keeps echoing in my spirit, ringing in my ear, and become the one thing I really don't understand, the why behind. I feel like this process has been going on for the last 5 years and I still don't understand when the end is coming. Or even if there is an end.. (If you are wondering if this is my pity party? The answer is simply yes. So pull you up a sit and get you something to drink because the turn up is about to get real) So here I am at Chapter 35 and I am  thinking to myself... Really GOD this is it? This is the chapter of the middle of the road. I am 5 years into my 30's and 5 years away from 40... and I have nothing but heartache to show for it. I am on my facebook page and on my timeline all I see is engagement, babies, wedding... EVERYTHING I have prayed for.... Oh and I haven't just prayed cute prayers for these things, I have fast, rolled on the floor, cried my eyes out, tarried, went into tongues, shouted, and the list goes on and on. But yet the people that barely know you Daddy, or even want to know you.... Get it instantly. I mean they haven't even said a Hello to you, they are the ones with my blessings... (Yep I am at the feed up part of the pity party... just in cause you were wonder) But in all my pity and before the party really gets turnt up... I hear Daddy say this...

Look up the number 35 and tell me what it means in my biblical meaning. I am obedient even in my anger and pity... Yep I am angry because I feel like I have done enough to at least feel like Daddy is working on something, yet I feel nothing. I look up the biblical meaning of 35 and you know what it says. Vindication. The number 35 means vindication, but it doesn't stop there it. It means to gain hope, confidence, and trust. UGH!!!! Daddy just mess me all the way up. Then Daddy speaks:

"Daughter you think that in the last 5 years I have been silently listen to you pour out your heart with tears in your eyes while you pour out your soul all at the same time. Do you think I enjoy your pity parties, your doubt in me because I am not moving in your timing? Do you think I would forsake my word that says that I will never leave you or forsake you to make a point? Do you think that's the kind of GOD I am....matter of fact do you think that's the kind of Daddy I am?" and with tears in my eyes and my voice shaky I say no.  Then he poured out this revelation on why chapter 35 is hard for me to accept. Now please for those that are 35 or about to be, this revelation is deep and will cause you to really look at Chapter 35 a different way. For those that aren't in Chapter 35 yet or surpassed it, trust this revelation will still hit home.

"The reason  daughter you find it hard to accept Chapter 35 is because you find it hard to believe I will truly vindicate all those that have done your wrong, devalued you, mistreated you, used you, and abused you.You think I forgot how you poured your heart out about the hurt they cause, and though you have forgiven them, the scares still sometimes hurt to look at. You think I haven't felt your rejection. persecution, or disappointment? You think I did not see how it tore your heart into to watch them leave you in your most vulnerable place just so they can be happy, with the disregard of your feelings? You didn't think I saw how the enemy took pleasure and using your anger, against you? You think I didn't see how the enemy tried to rip you out my arm, make you feel like I didn't love you, or I wasn't there when the hurt become to much for you to bare? When you wanted to end it all because it was too much for you to deal with, for your comprehend, and too much for you to give? I was there looking and watching it all take place.  It hurt me really bad to see you like that. But it was in those moments that I need you to grow, to mature, to trust me, to love, to have hope in me and realize that I got your back. It was in those moments that I sat up in my seat waiting for you to response so that I may get the glory. And daughter there were moments that you failed, but there were also moments where you succeed. In those moments of success is where my glory made a way for your story to be so much greater. It's time that you let me restore. It's time that you trust me and have confident in this one thing....You will see my goodness. You will experience my joy... I have not forgotten about you. You are  still  worth the work of the cross... you are still worth the breath that I breathe into your lungs everyday. You are worth more to me than the life I created in you. You are the apple of my eye and you are wonderfully made in my image and there is nothing you or anyone on this earth I made that can take away that value. So please gather the decorations from your pity party  and throw them in the trash, for I am your Daddy and you are so ready for your vindication."

Now this message may seem personal and to a certain point it is, but know that it is also
meant as a reminder that you are worth it all. Everything Daddy  has for you is worth your wait, time, and trust in HIM. Never allow your timing to become a weight on your waiting that you miss your moment to experience GOD's glory.

Prayer: Daddy you  are more than life to us. There are not enough words in our vocabulary that can express the gratitude of our hearts. You give us freedom when we are bound by sin, you give us life when death had the right to call us his, and you give us joy when we abused your grace. Thank you Daddy for always giving us another change to get  right. For us to throw away our pity party decorations and put on the gladness of your joy, the full armor of you for war, and your peace that surpasses our understanding. Thank you for your perfect timing and the ability to give us the desire of our hearts, because we live in your heart desires. In Jesus Name...AMEN