The News

 Dear Gentle Readers!

I come into a still place of process. I come sharing that I do not want to be part of the trials and tribulations, a strong soldier list as part of being in the Army of the LORD. Take me out of the game, coach (not death), but this game. This part of the process... this lesson plan...this moment. Fast-forward me to the "finish work", the "victory place", the blessed place."I don't want the trials and tribulations!!!

I know you are wondering where this is coming from.... Well.... last week, my mom got the news that she had cancer, and this week we got the news of the status. So, on Monday morning, while my mom was in Birmingham, Alabama, and I was in Washington state, my best friend and my mom went to her first oncologist appointment. I sat in the bed with my husband...praying... crying... being cool on the outside...but having a whole panic attack with an overstimulated nervous system. I went through the worst of the worst thoughts in preparation to execute an action plan. I created the most chaotic situation that my heart could handle. Yes, I am a therapist, and I know none of this is healthy, but here I am doing the opposite of what I tell my clients to do... sue me... I am human...lol! Before this information, I got the news that a good friend of mine died. Her death affected so many people, paralyzed a lot of us, and just made me think... What do I need to do with my time here on the other. Fast-forward in my still process about the friend's death, I get the news about my mom. Back to the story... So my mom calls me calmly, saying... they say I have a tumor on my uterus, and nodules on my lungs. She then gave the phone to my friend, who sneaked into the bathroom to say in a shaky voice, " Drika, it's bad! Baby, you have to come home". I am like ok, tell me what's going on (I was calm when I said it) as I had her on speaker phone with my husband next to me. She then tells me the details, and I say ok, I can't come home by Friday. Y'all, it wasn't that I couldn't come home, because Daddy had shown out financially, it was that I didn't want to come home. I want to be on the road home with my husband, enjoying the open space. Being a wife and making memories. I know that sounds selfish, but here I am allowing my only child's syndrome to speak. Yes, I am going home, but the journey is overwhelming to my soul. This was not where I wanted to be. 

If you are new here, I apologize that this is your first read. For old readers, you know your girl will spiral out of control and then come back. I call it the David complex. You know, through his psalms, he will start with praise and worship and then go into his emotions and end with praise and worship. In the words of Vivan Green... "I am on an emotional rollercoaster." But this news does not stop the reality of GOD's healing. I literally just wrote about the wait and how I want a baby... Now I am writing about trusting GOD again!!! Begging GOD for the miracle of healing my mother, at the same time healing me. Looking to write about the testimony.  I forgot to tell you that for the past month or two I have been praying for wisdom.... MAN, this is such a test of that. 

Today I prepare for my flight home, tomorrow I arrive, Friday I get the clarification and treatment plan of the news. But as this is taking place I am still asking GOD for wisdom. Wisdom on how to be a daughter in the midst of her own healing. How to ask for help when I am usually Miss. Independent. How to be present and not predict what GOD is going to do and how I should respond. This news is drawing me to watch GOD with my eyes wide open. Yep, I need the confirming signs, wonders, miracles, reminders, and insight. Because this feels different. It feels out of my control, and it hurts, because the fear of this healing leading to death is a reality. But I was reminded in my spiraling that I know several people who have survived this journey... Who have are walking testimonies of  GOD's healing power and grace... And that is my stand... GOD, if you DID it for them, you do it for my mom. Give me the wisdom to do and handle the process. 

My scripture while on this journey of process, wisdom, and trust is this: "Show me your faithful love this morning. I trust you. Show me what I should do.  I put my life in your hands."~Psalms 143:8 ERV

I am sure I am not by myself. I know someone reading this has gotten some news that has shifted them into process mode and wants to catastrophize the situation to the point you are having internal panic attacks. But let's take a deep breath and trust the process in the midst of the news. We can't predict what GOD is about to do, but we can be assured of one thing... It will bring Him glory and work somehow, some way in our favor... Though the grief my hid the victory.

Prayer: Daddy, the news has us discombobulated, overwhelmed, and overstimulated in solution focus process. We want the victory ASAP. We want the miracle right now. We need to see your hand at work and your peace at play. We want to trust you, but it is hard when the news is heartbreaking, when the emotions are filled with weight, when everyone is looking for us to be the faith carriers. We are lost, we are hurt, we are broke, we are speechless, and honestly, we don't know how to pray when it comes to this news. The reality of the results runs through our heads, and they do not look like the promise of your victory. Remind us through this journey that you are the author and finisher of everything, you have equipped us with everything we need to move forward, and this is not about us; it's about you. In Jesus Name! AMEN

As part of this news, I have rebranded myself and created a logo for this blog.  Check out @CEOtherapist22 on IG and follow me.

The Chapter of Wait

 Dear Gentel Reader!!! (Inspiration from Bridgeton)

I am writing this blog with a heavy and anxious heart. I have meditated on the following scripture:

 Psalms 130:5-6 (ERV) "I am waiting for the LORD to help me. My soul waits for him. I trust what he says. I am waiting for my LORD, like a guard waiting and waiting for the morning to come".

Psalms 143:10 (NCV) Teach me to do what you want, because you are my God. Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

Psalms 46:5 (AFV)God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God shall help her at the approach of the morning.

 Through my meditation, I feel like the Holy Spirit sat me down for a personal counseling session. In the session, my guardian angel, Jesus, and me with the Holy Spirit leading the session. The Holy Spirit looks me in my eyes and gets me together about my posture of waiting and my position of purpose. I sit there, speechless, in tears, frustrated by the reminders, mad at the truth, and overwhelmed by the idea of continuing to wait without the fruit I want, at the timing I want it. (Did you hear and see me throw that tantrum?) I did.  

Listen, this chapter of wait hurts. It has my soul meditating on my imperfections.  Trying to examine whether there was anything I missed, need to correct, or just did not do that got me here. My spirit whispers comfort,  reminding me to surrender it all at the feet of Jesus and trust the process. My flesh is fighting the process, thinking of ways to make this waiting short, coming up with ideas to produce what I want, and letting my selfishness be the guide. 

I know I am not by myself.  I'm sure this chapter has shown up multiple times in our lives, and every time, Daddy blows our minds and shows us how it worked out for our good. Then maybe weeks, months, or years later, we're back in another episode of the waiting chapter.  Going through the same emotions. Maybe this time, be a little patient with the process and ourselves. Maybe a little wiser with our ability to be still and quiet in hearing  GOD.  Maybe a little more obedient, not as many tantrums, and sprinkles of trust and surrender. 

No matter what we are waiting for, the waiting chapter is a reminder that Daddy is the author and finisher of our life story. Also, we are reminded how we will never be able to understand the process of GOD.  We can only trust it and understand that victory is the final result. 

Prayer: Daddy, the posture of waiting can be a lot as we are positioned in purpose.  Help us! Help us be still.  Help us surrender.  Help us get over us. Help us to trust the plan, process, and timing of your hand. We desire to learn from the waiting, to see it as a gift, and to realize it's temporary, not permanent.  Daddy, today we ask that you change our hearts, minds, posture, position,  and response to waiting.  

In Jesus Name. 

Amen!

Welcome to 2026

 Dear Reader,

If you are reading this you might as well shout! You made it to another year.  (Cue shouting music). Lately,  I've been noticing a lot of people still feeling this sense of hopeless even during a new year. Today during my quiet time I read this scripture in 2 Corinthians 4:16 "So no wonder we don’t give up. For even though our outer person gradually wears out, our inner being is renewed every single day".

After reading  this I got this revelation:

I think hopelessness becomes strong as we end a year and start anew. It feels like a failure... that the conquer we are to be is lost somewhere or doesn't exist. But I think this is because our human nature wants to keep yesterday in today. Ok... let me bring clarity. We keep saying we surrender, we let go... but reality is...we just change the packaging of things. We feel like if we do enough tweaks and changes, it will make us feel better. Not realizing that we are not making room for the manifestation of GOD'S promise to do something new. He can't do new with old. He is not in the business of refurbishing. New today is just that.  Something we have never experienced, no knowledge of, or awareness of how to move through without Him. I think that's why He gives us new grace and mercy.  It's an opportunity for us to trust and lean on Him.

Prayer: Daddy, help us to make room for your new by being ok with the fact that we don't have to know or understand it to embrace it. Help us understand that trusting and leaning on you is all you need from us. We surrender our imperfections,  perfectionism, and doubt to you. You never see our mistakes and failures as we label them. You see them as opportunities for your detours and recalculations to get us to your will,  assignments,  and perfect peace. In Jesus' Name. Amen! 

Another Chapter, Another Assignment

Dear Readers, it's that time of the year again. P.S. if you are reading this,  I'm glad you didn't get caught up in the rapture. (Yes, it was a joke. No man knows the day or the hour. Not even the one that died for us to have access to the father.)

Back to our regularly  scheduled program. 

So, as I use these last couple of hours (yes I'm writing  this blog at night) to say my final goodbyes to this chapter. I stand in tip toe anticipation to welcome the next. This chapter ends with me moving from Ms. To Mrs., having my dream job, and increased faith and gratitude. It also, ends with hard and heart decisions and goodbyes, grieving moments, and accepted consequences. 

This next chapter starts  the journey  of seeing the manifestation of what I have been praying  and preparing  for, including the next assignment.  

This week I had the privilege to reconnect with a friend  I deem as a brother and one of big sisters finally answered the phone. In catching  up with the both of them the theme of their lives parallel.  The theme grieving life changing moments. Moments were only Daddy's intervention is needed and wanted. As they shared what was going on, I started having mixed emotions... they  were grief and joy. The grief  of hearing the pain they had and are facing and enduring. The grief of their loss, disappointments, and frustrations. I know you asking, how can you have joy hearing this.  Simple, in this current chapter I learned the life application  of Nehemiah 8:10 "the joy of the LORD is my strength." It means that the formula that they are experiencing will yield space and capacity for the joy of the LORD to become their strength. This means they will become weak and the strength of GOD will manifest as they build their testimony.  How do you know, you may ask? Because I've been there before on numerous occasions.  

Now, don't allow my excitement for their victorious end,  fool you into thinking I'm not praying for them and surrounding them with love. Because I am doing that and more. But their current  moment forces me to increase my faith. The faith to know that Daddy will do the absolute most on their  behalf, including  performing a miracle in their lives, keeps me from thinking about my own storm.

As excited as I am about this next chapter,  I'm somewhat in doubtful spaces. To get through I need  a win for my brother and sister.  I need the reminder that , the timing of GOD is perfect, even in midst of chaos.  I need to know I'm not forgotten in other areas I've been praying for. 

So, as I say good bye to chapter  42. I say yes to the assignments,  storms, faith building,  GOD moving, and life changing moments of chapter 43.

Prayer: Daddy thank you for this next chapter and the assignments that come with it. Thank you for the faith adventures, the peaceful moments, the increase,  provision, and mind blowing miracles,  signs, and wonders. Thank you for never failing me, in the midst of me giving up. Thank you for being a dependable GOD! In Jesus Name.  AMEN 

I'm Tired of Church

 This is not a Gentel Readers blog, this is a let's talk about it and process it.

Now that you have my requirements for this blog let's dive into this conversation, shall we.

So,  I'm scrolling  through  IG and I see this Prophetic influencer talking about what another well known Christian influencer has said about her. She goes into a deep monologue about her issues with this Christian influencer. She shares her hurt, she speaks from a place of brokenness, and then she intentionally shares her "Prophetic Judgment ". Use starts off by saying... (The famous words) "GOD told me"...or "I heard the spirit of the Lord say", Now, let me preference that this is not the first this person has done this.  Lately, this has been her M.O. and reading the comments is what really brought me to today's topic... "I'm tired of Church".

For the past year and a month I have been without a church home. I've visit several  churches, went back to some old ones, did online, and even just not thought  about it. In this space I realize how much tired I am of church.

Please, don't get me wrong I love the biblical concept  of church. I love fellowship, worshipping, exchanging amens, prayers, revelations and insight from the word  we just heard; however, this feeling and capacity to do that in churches today is hard. 

I know you want to know what happened with me and my last church. Well, pastor  got burned out,  due to the pandemic the church lost a lot of their congregation which caused higher debt, that lead to us losing the church. 

Now, you got the background let's dive into my process. So, I grew up in church.  I have always had some form of intentional fellowship in every  church  I went to.  This fellowship  can be the traditional  kind, breaking bread and just talking. The spiritual kind, which usually included a small group. Or the flexibility kind, which  is a combination of the two. Lately, this lack of intentional fellowship  has led me to the mindset of being tired of church  along with the misuse of the influence,  the lack of leadership  accountability (see the beginning of blog), loss of church  purposes, and the devaluing of gifts and titles. 

I want the church that seeks to move in a community  centered fashion, while building bridges and tearing down walls. I want the church looking for sick people,  not the one judging those healed,  healing, or in the process of moving towards healing. I don't want the church that is quick to judge, I want the one quick to love.  I want a church  that doesn't  push their personal agenda and convictions on others or use it as a measurement  of what righteousness looks like. I want a church  that reflects  the description of "the bride of Christ".

Prayer: Daddy help us to not get tired of the place you call your bride. Help us with our church burnout,  church  frustrations, and church hurt. Remind us that the church  building is not our place of negativity,  but the people  in it can be.  Help us process our ability to  forgive, heal, let go, move forward,  learn, and hold on to your word, call, and purpose. In Jesus Name.  Amen

They Watching

 Great Day Gentel Readers! 

So,  today's blog is brought you by the words "they are watching you".

Over the the 4th of July holiday  I ran into a person I went to college  with.  In our conversations I learned so much about him that I did not know. I was honored that he shared a personal testimony  with me. During our exchange I told him about my own testimony.  When I told him, his response was.... "Man, girl you spoke that thing into existence ". Now, I'm trying not to look shock as he hug me to congratulate me on the manifestation  of the testimony. 

I know you wondering, why were you shocked? Well, it is because I never knew he was watching me.  I never knew he saw my struggles,  the tears, the faith,  and my desperation to trust the GOD process. It really blew my mind! I hold him in  high regards.  (I do not think he knows that). He was so sweet to me as a freshman and always made an effort to speak to me on campus  no matter how big he got or who was around him. 

As we part ways he asked me to keep him in my prayers (which I do) and told me how excited he was. 

Meditating on that moment made me realize that their are people  watching me. They are encouraged by the process of my testimony and truly will root for me when I share my wins.

I wonder how times how you missed the opportunity to encourage  someone  else because you think your testimony  has no purpose, power, or value beyond you.  

Today, I encourage you to consult with the Holy Spirit,  and ask him to reveal to you who you need to share you testimony with. 

Prayer: Daddy thank you for reminding us that the process and finish work of our testimony  is not only for us, but for those watching us. Daddy continues to work in favor of those wondering  is the process worth the work. Encourage  those losing hope, desiring to give up, and overwhelmed by the discomfort of blind obedience. In Jesus' Name.  Amen!

The Power of Connection

 Great Day Readers!

This post may be different because the revelation that I have is based on something I have talked about in the past, or maybe I  have not. This weekend I got to spend time with my sisters. Last year, we took time to plan a time and location for us to gather intentionally to be present with each other, catch up on life, exchange wisdom, laugh, and just be. In this moment, I found out that my sisters became vulnerable with places, emotions, and insecurities that I had not heard them express.  As we laughed, ate ( I cooked dinner for them as a joy of our sisterhood),  and reflected, this scripture came to me as I had a moment with Daddy in the midst of our moment. 

"But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.  Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.”When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her." ~Ruth 1:16-18

I know you are like, how does that scripture fit your moment? Well, let me paint the picture and give you some background. Naomi had just lost everyone that she knew and loved. Her husband and two sons were gone, and though she had two daughters-in-love, she was still in this foreign land where her GOD was not exalted, and honestly, she no longer felt safe. So, she made the decision to leave the place of her grief and go back home to grieve. She realized, though she had these two daughters, they were not enough to help with the process of the anguish and grief she was feeling. She gathered her daughters, told them her plan, and gave them permission to move forward with their lives. Well, as they were saying goodbyes, Ruth got a revelation that goodbye was not an option. She had a revelation of who Naomi was and the favor she had over her life. Though it was not spoken, I believe that Ruth had been convinced that Naomi's GOD was the one who possessed what she had been looking for, and Naomi had introduced her to a love and experience she could not walk away from, thus these verses. 

Now, back to my revelation. My sisters are the Naomis of my life. They have introduced me to various parts of Daddy that I did not know were there. In the midst of grieving moments and loss, their strength, trust in GOD, and outlook about life created moments where I gained the capacity to allow Daddy to be GOD and rest in his truth for my life as they supported me in grieving moments. I have also been their Naomi, but this weekend I was Ruth. I was the one reminding them of the greatness in them. Uplifting them in insecure moments, and helping them to realize their victory in this situation, but saying..."Let's do this thing called life together". This is what Ruth was saying to Naomi in these verses. She was telling Naomi  I know life has been lifeing, but I got you and I will not allow you to take this journey by yourself, nor will I allow you to settle in your depression, grief, become isolated, die, or think that this is how your story ends.  Naomi realized in the midst of her grief that she needed someone, and Ruth was it. As a result, she was blessed and never had to worry for anything, and Ruth became part of the bloodline of Jesus.

OOOOO I just got another revelation... Your ability to say yes to the rejection others try to give you in the midst of your obedience will make room for the unexpected blessings. Ruth never imagined that her yes would lead her to a connection with the Savior. She left what she knew to gain access to what she did not know, which led her to the connection to the one who had access to eternal life!!! (Meditate on that!!!)

Prayer: Daddy, we thank you for the Naomi's and Ruths in our lives. We thank you for being the Naomis and Ruths in the lives of others. We thank you for the reminders that you give us through others of the great GOD you are and how much you love us. In Jesus Name. AMEN