I Am Worried

Hey Readers!!! 

I know it's been a while and I promise you all have been on my mind, but life... I am sure you all can understand how life's ups and downs can get you so off-tracked and discouraged that you start to place energy away from your assignment onto the things you should surrender to GOD.  As I prepare to celebrate another year around the sun and a new year. I find myself worrying about things I haven't worried about in the past. I am worried about being a great daughter to an elderly parent as an only child. I am worried if I am prepared to deal with the single life for another year with no children. I am worried if I can deal with the ups and downs of life healthy.  These worries have had me up since 4:34 am this morning asking Daddy to come to the table with Jesus for a "Come to Jesus" meeting. I asked Daddy how did I get here. What did I do or go wrong when it comes to how I have been living life for Him and with Him? I was so frustrated to point that I stop speaking and surrendering, that I start asking for a word. You know what Daddy did?!? He gave me a word not once but twice. The first word he gave me is found in

 Proverbs 12:25 NLT " Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up". The TPT version says "Anxious fear brings depression, but a life-giving word of encouragement can do wonders to restore joy to the heart".

Both versions address what I have been feeling, worry and anxiety, which leads to a place of depression and lack of joy. But what really got me was part B of the scripture "an encouraging word restores joy to the heart." Listen!!! I almost lost it because I realize I was so busy dwelling in the cave of worry and anxiety that I was not making way for the encouraging word. The word that could restore me... The word that would cheer me up. David said it best in 

1 Samuel 30:6 "And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God." 

There are times in our worry and anxious moments when we must encourage ourselves in GOD. This means we must surrender. Let's focus on part B of that scripture using the word surrender. "David surrendered himself to the LORD his GOD." That scripture and the action of David take on a whole other meaning of what we should do when it's time for us to encourage ourselves. It reminds us that to truly be in a position of encouragement we must surrender... not just the things we don't have handled, but the things we have a handle on. 

The second word came from an ex that is a friend. He struggles with his GOD relationship and from day one of us meeting I have prayed that he would have an encounter with GOD that would change his life and push him into his GOD destiny and healing. This morning he says to me:

"Hey, something told me to call you to give you this scripture Phillipians 4:13, I am sure you are familiar with what it says, but I am going to remind you what it says...You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you. This doesn't include failure. So, no matter what you go going on, you are promised success". Now I am on the phone with tears coming out of my eyes saying, ok Daddy you really do love me. Because he got out of his comfort zone just to be obedient to give me that word.  I want to encourage someone you may feel like your ability to encourage others may be in vain or you may be sowing seeds on bad ground, but let me tell you the process, the seeds, the wait, and obedience are so worth it. Mind-blowing blessings are on the way keep up the work and stay in the posture of surrendering. 

Today I challenge us to do three things 1) surrender EVERYTHING to GOD; 2) give an encouraging word to someone so you can have room to be encouraged; 3) trust the timing and promises of GOD. The wait may seem heavy; however, the fruit is great and worth the process (preaching to myself)

Prayer: Daddy we surrender all!!! All to you and the things you have in store for us. We surrender the things we think we have control of, and we make room for you. We expect you to handle everything that concerns us because you are not a man that you would lie to, and your words say we can trust you.  In Jesus' Name. AMEN!

That's It!

Great Day Readers!

 It's been a while since my last blog and can I tell you it had been a whirlwind of a year already. I mean three snowstorms in Alabama, yet along in the south is totally unheard of, along with tornados, and other crazy life changes. This week took that cake! This week I had to let my sorority sisters know that our sister had passed! UGH, THAT'S IT!!! If being single and waiting wasn't enough, I am now having to deal with life-changing things on my own. I don't know about you, but I got a "THAT'S IT" in my spirit. I have been approached by so many men who are seeking marriage, however, are emotionally unavailable and truly just using their gift of gab. THAT'S IT!!!

Now, the spirit of "THAT'S IT" is strong. It creates a heart of discouragement, frustration, and sometimes disappointment. It makes you think that what you desire seems impossible (Though we know nothing is impossible with GOD. Mathew 19:26) This spirit had me so over everything that I did not know what to do. I had a come to Jesus meeting with Jesus about the situation and the emotions I had about this "THAT'S IT spirit. I am sure I am not by myself. Waiting for some things to manifest, serving GOD as much as you can, in excellence, while still trying to keep your flesh in check. Oh, don't forget about listening to married church people talking about if you just work and focus on GOD he will come. Ma'am, sir, HOW!?!? I can't work, when I'm busy killing my flesh, trying to keep my emotions in tack, trying to be obedient, and still trying to "enjoy being single after being married." Oh, let's not forget having to explain to people that being divorced and single is different than never being married and single. When you have tasted the fruit of marriage you desire it again after you have healed from it.

 Can I be real? It's been 8 years since my divorce, and I am going into my fifth year of celibacy. I have no babies, and the thought of marriage is getting discouraging. Dating seems like it's more time-consuming than a process, and it seems like EVERYONE is getting the revelation of marriage and love but for me. Oh, don't even get me started about the fact that everything that I prayed for, screamed about at the altar, cried about in worship, and rolled on the floor about in my closet is happening for EVERYONE in my circle, BUT who, ME! These are some of the few topics I discussed with Jesus during our come to Jesus meeting. After I got done I heard the words from Proverbs 23:26 (TPT) "My son, give me your heart and embrace fully what I’m about to tell you". Where you see the word son, it was replaced with daughter for me. Can we break this scripture down so we can break this "THAT'S IT" spirit? Let's start with the first part of this verse, "My son, give me your heart". This first part broke me all the way down. Daddy literally asked me for something I should surrender daily. He asked me for the one place that captures everything about me. The place that I function from the most, and have been for a while...My heart. UGH. The reason this spirit has a hold on me is because my heart has conformed to the things of this world. The measurements of time, space, and energy, the very things GOD created and has complete control of. Let that sit. The place Daddy needs to start the deliverance process is the one thing we all struggle to surrender...our hearts. Let's go to the next part of the scripture, "embrace fully what I'm about to tell you". UGH!!!! Not only do I have to surrender my heart, I also have to sit still enough to hear what He has to tell me. Let me say that again, we have to sit still and hear what Daddy has to say. There is power in the stillness, even if it feels like there is no one there. This is the climax of my deliverance. This is where the spirit of "THAT'S IT" loses its grip on your life, and you grab hold of the joy of the Lord. Now, this is a process and it doesn't happen overnight. You must be in a place where you are patient with you and understand that the work that Daddy needs to do in you takes time. 

I am still in the process of my deliverance as I write this blog, however, I understand that in order for me to prepare, walk-in, and be the wife that I am called to be, I must go through the process and realize That's It!

Prayer: Daddy, we come to you right now thanking for the ability to realize when we have a "THAT'S IT" spirit. Help us surrender our hearts to you and to be still enough to hear your voice of instructions while taking them in not just for the moment, but for the lifetime. We understand that if we surrender us it will lead to the that's it in you. In Jesus's Name! AMEN

An Excused Yes

Today's blog is about to challenge your YES!

This past Sunday my pastor talked about Moses and the excuses he made when he said yes to Daddy.  Let me give you a summarization of this story so you can be brought up to speed for those that aren't familiar with the story.  Ok, so Moses was saved by his mother during a time where the Pharaoh was trying to kill all the Israelite boys. He grew up in the house of Pharaoh, killed a man, ran away, and met his real family, and this is where our story picks up. Moses is with his people minding his own business when Daddy tells him that he will be the one that approaches Pharaoh. Daddy tells him that he will tell Pharaoh  " to let His people go". Well, Moses response to this prestige opportunity is one I think most of us do when Daddy tells us we are going to do something great in the earth...The of  (drum roll please)... The excuse. Yep, that's right the excuse. 

We will give Daddy a, yes, but somehow, someway we end up finding an excuse on why we aren't capable. In Moses' case, his was the inability to speak with clarity. He said in Exodus 4:10-14:

10 Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”13 But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”14 Then the Lord’s anger burned against Moses and he said, “What about your brother, Aaron the Levite? I know he can speak well. He is already on his way to meet you, and he will be glad to see you.  (NIV)

10 Moses raised another objection to God: “Master, please, I don’t talk well. I’ve never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer.”11-12 God said, “And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn’t it I, God? So, get going. I’ll be right there with you—with your mouth! I’ll be right there to teach you what to say.”13 He said, “Oh, Master, please! Send somebody else!”14-17 God got angry with Moses: “Don’t you have a brother, Aaron the Levite? He’s good with words, I know he is. He speaks very well. In fact, at this very moment, he’s on his way to meet you. When he sees you he’s going to be glad. You’ll speak to him and tell him what to say. I’ll be right there with you as you speak and with him as he speaks, teaching you step by step. He will speak to the people for you. He’ll act as your mouth, but you’ll decide what comes out of it. Now take this staff in your hand; you’ll use it to do the signs.” (Message)

So in both versions of this scripture, we see five things that happen when it comes to Moses' excused yes. 1. Moses questions Daddy. He even goes to the point where he begs Daddy not to give him the assignment. Now, Moses' begging confused me. Because in Chapter 3 (Read it for yourself) he had an intimate encourage with Daddy that literally caused a shift in his life. But, now at this moment, he is questioning the assignment. Is that not how some of us are. We have an awesome encounter with Daddy. I mean it is a life-changing moment. Yet here we are moments later, questioning Daddy's request of us saying yes to the assignment that He called us to. 2. Moses was quick to point out his unequipped ways. He reminded GOD that he was not able to complete the assignment, due to the fact that he did not have the equipment to do so. But, I love Daddy's response... He told Moses that He would go with him. He reminded Moses how was the creator of all things and the same thing that made Moses unequipped He would equip. But, just like some of us Moses told Daddy that was good enough. Let me take a sidebar here and say this... There is nothing Daddy can't offer that is not good enough. Daddy's presence is more than enough!! If we become comfortable with Him, then, we can become comfortable with the things that He calls us to. Back to the points. 3. We see the grace of Daddy. Daddy got mad that Moses clearly told Him that His presence was not good enough for him to complete the assignment. Daddy is so great to us! Because even in his anger He graces us with His love and comfort. Which brings me to point 4. Daddy did not agree with Moses excuse, but he did understand that he needed comfort. Instead of giving him a way of escape He equipped Moses with another tool...his brother Aaron. Another sidebar: Daddy will make sure that you have no excuses to completing the assignment. You can tell him what you lack and He will create the equipment to meet the need. 5. I love how Daddy still told Moses, (summary) "Even though you have your brother to speak for you, he can't speak unless you open your mouth." Last sidebar: Even when Daddy provides you with the equipment to complete the assignment it will not work until you do your part.

 So, what's the moral of this blog? No matter how many excuses you give Daddy, He will always equip you to complete the assignment. But, He will make sure you work so you can see the potential that is in you. He will make sure that you conquer that which was once an excuse. Daddy will make your excuse your GOD testimony

Prayer: Daddy, thank you that no matter how unequipped we feel, you are waiting and able to provide us with the tools we need to complete the assignments.  Daddy, help us to understand that what we see as an excuse is actually an opportunity for you to get the glory. Thank you that where we are weak your strength will make us strong. In JESUS name! Amen

Selfish Heart

What a transparent moment this blog will be as I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself. Over the past couple of months during this transition of moving out the secular world of working into ministry, I have really been examining me. How I talk...Think.. See others... Respond to others... Just my heart. I prayed the dangerous prayer found in Psalm 139:23 "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." That prayer alone has revealed my selfish heart. A heart that did not realize how brokenhearted I was... that I had projected it onto others. A heart that was willing to judge others before look at self. A heart that desired what she wanted when she wanted it, without asking Daddy what He wanted for me.

This has been a tough pill to swallow. Because this whole time I have made it my goal to pursue Daddy in a way I never pursue Him before. I feel so defeated and disappointed in myself. I feel like what is the use of the Christian journey if this is going to be the end result of my efforts of getting close to Daddy. But, here is the thing this is where the enemy wants me.  Question have you ever felt like where I am? Have you ever felt doubtful, hopeless, and discourage in your pursuit to seek Daddy? Have you ever felt like it wasn't worth it? Can I tell you something that has really saved me from feeling guilty and unworthy of Daddy's presence and love (because those are the emotions that I felt when I realize this was my heart), His grace and mercy is new daily!!! I know that seems so simple but not good enough. I know it seems like there should be more to help with a selfish heart. But after realizing how selfish I was.  I heard the Holy Spirit say " His grace is sufficient." ( 2 Corinthians 12:9).

How awesome is our Daddy, that He knew that one day we would make time to pray the prayer, asking him to search our hearts and finding out the selfishness that was in it... that He put a clause in place that would cover us. His grace covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

In all of this, I never thought that I would feel free as I feel now. I am in a place where I know there are some root issues that I need to deal with. That I need to learn how to apply the fruits of the spirit in a life applicable way. That I have to love in spite of how I feel or what they did. Because Daddy first love me (1 John 4:19), and there is nothing greater than love. (1 Peter 4:8). That His joy is my strength (Psalms 28:8) and in Him can I only find peace. (2 Thessalonians 3:16). That long-suffering create perseverance (Matthew 24:13) and gentleness creates a place of forgiveness (Philippians 4:5).

Goodness creates confidence (Psalms 27:13), faith ties the fruits of the Spirit together creating boldness in you (2 Peter 1:5-7). Meekness creates the opportunity for you to gain an inheritance (Matthew 5:5) and self-control keeps you out of trouble (Proverbs 21:23).

Today I challenge us to not meditate on the selfishness of our hearts, but the fact that they can become selfless if we just apply the word of God to our lives.

Prayer:  Daddy, we come to say thank you that your grace is sufficient enough to cover the multitude of sins that our heart creates. Thank you for taking out the time to examine our hearts and not allow us to remain selfish. Thank you that you have allowed the fruits of the Spirit to come in and take over that we may be better sons and daughters. Helps us to remain in a place of faith and examination. That we will not get settled where we are, but we will grow in your light and remain selfless and not selfish. In JESUS  name! Amen

I am Over It

Daddy, I am over it! The heartache, the frustration, the cycles, the relationships, the rollercoaster ride of emotions, the debt, the worry, the stress, the fear, the disappointment, the failures, setbacks, and setups. I AM OVER IT!!!
This is the conversation that I had a few days ago with Daddy as I sat in my living room crying and stressing over the bill collectors calling me, worrying about how I am going to pay, this and that. This is the mindset I had when I thought about the investment I poured into so many relationships and friendships. This is even the mindset I had when it came to church too. I was OVER IT!!!

Have you ever been there? To the point, you were over everything that affected your life in such a negative way? I mean to the point you even contemplated taking your life? Well, that was me. Yep, this is a transparent moment. One that I think plenty people have but are ashamed to admit. I mean who wants to be in the position of showing that they trust GOD and then turning around and saying life is not worth living anymore?

This is probably going to be a real transparent moment for me because I have not told anyone, but you, my readers this.  I have been keeping these things bottled, masked, and hidden. I mean I am a licensed therapist and minister, how does it sound and look for me to be speaking or thinking suicidal thoughts? But, there I was only a week ago in my living room trying to Netflix and chill and these were my thoughts.

But, guess what? The same things that I just told Daddy that I was over, are the same things that He was trying to use to get me to my next. UGH!! Don't you hate it when Daddy uses the things you hate to get you to your next? How He uses issues, situations, circumstances, and failure to show you how to grow. To birth out new assignments, ideas, and gifts? How He takes your constant complaining and creates a moment for you to experience His glory and presence?

I hate it, but it's in those same moments that I realize how much GOD is  I AM! I AM is over it, and I AM is in it. He takes over and uses His strength to create new beginnings for us to be in Him and over IT ... The IT is us. We are the IT!!! I mean the IT is our.....will, word, and way.  It is our ability and desires to want to operate in our strength, mindset, and emotions.

But how do we get over the IT? By allowing Daddy to be it. I was reminded of the game tag. How the object of the game when being IT, is to tag as many people as you can before they get to the base. That's what Daddy wants to do. He wants to tag as many of your problems before they get to the base of your mind and you feel defeated instead of victorious.  That's why I John 5:4 says "for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith".
So today do me a favor join me in playing a game of tag. Let your problems run but allow Daddy to be IT!

Prayer: Daddy, thank you that you have already told us that you will handle all that concerns us. We thank you that even when it seems like our problems are weighing us down to the point we want to give up on life, we will tag you and allow you to be it. You are the source of our strength and everything that we need to get through every moment of our lives. We thank you for being IT. In JESUS name. Amen!

The Transistion

I know it's been a while and I do apologize. I am realizing that in order for this thing to really work you all need to hear from me.  So today you, my readers are my accountability partners. That's right I have given you the task to email me at: shawndrikaLcook@gmail.com if you aren't getting a blog once a week. See we must realize that we are meant to do life alone, and sometimes strangers, people we don't know are for us will hold us accountable. So welcome ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS!

With that being said let's talk about transition! So for the past 4 months, I have been in a place of total transition. I went from working a full 8-5 in my field, to leaving there and doing ministry full time!! Yep, ministry FULL TIME!!!  Now I know you are wondering what causes me to make this move. I mean I just passed my licensure examine only a year ago, I have not been a private practice therapist at all, and now I am in ministry. To answer the question of why, is simple, obedience. But, in my obedience, the walk and the focus of my next has been hard.  I find myself feeling lost, confused, out of place, ill-prepared,  hopeless, distraught, and discourage. Any negative feelings that a human being can express... This girl expressed them and more. I know you are wondering why did you experience all these negative emotions. I mean you were being obedient right? Well, here is the thing with obedience comes sacrifice, thought 1 Samuel 15:22  states, "Obedience is better than sacrifice".  There is a sacrifice that comes with obedience. Maybe I shouldn't say a sacrifice, there is a surrendering that comes with it. To some that surrendering position can feel like a sacrifice. I mean give up everything you know just to be submerged into something you know nothing about. 

So, here I am in the 5th month of the transition and I am stuck! Yep, stuck like a truck in the mud. I am not writing this blog from a place of overcoming this time. This time I am writing to you while the process is still going. While I am still in the place of getting to the prize or the next that GOD has called me to. I am in that,  "I have to more trust GOD moments", rather than "I will figure something out moments". I'm at a place where I need the manifestation whether than being on ok with waiting for the manifestation.

I know someone who is reading this is wondering why am I telling the story as it is happening? Well. it's because you need to know the process of transitioning. When you are in a place where the transition is not by choice, but assignment there are certain things you can't control or deal with because you truly trust Daddy to guide your every step. For instance, I can't control the demands that my assignment has on my life. I took a $2500 pay cut, yet I have not wanted for anything for real. I have tried to apply for a second job with the conviction that I couldn't because of the demands of this assignment.

Why tell you the now of my transition for real?!? Because you need to know that transition is worth it!!! It's worth leaving something that you do know for something you don't know. It's worth moving beyond you to get to Daddy. It's worth the process... OOOOOO!!! That's a word PROCESS!!! The process will be the foundation of your transition. How you see your process will determine how long you will stay in your transition. If you see your process as a burden, then your transition will last longer, because you are not able to receive the benefits of the process. But, if you see the process as a purpose, that it pushes you to your next, stretches you to another level in GOD, and betters your faith and trust in Daddy. Then the transition will be short and one that you can talk about as part of your testimony. Let me say this I don't care what kind of transition you experience good or bad, no one likes the discomfort that comes with it. No one likes being in limbo where you aren't sure what's going on, but you know where you are going. No one likes looking at the preview of their promise and wondering when they will get there. These are the feelings of transition.

Today, I want to encourage someone to keep pressing in their transition!!! Keep enjoying the process no matter how uncomfortable it gets. Remember this transition is not about you, but about those who are looking at you. You are the only manifestation of GOD they may see! This is about your legacy, your future, your next...DON'T FORFEIT IT!!!

Prayer: Daddy transition is not easy. It can be uncomfortable and stressful if we don't allow You to guide us. Today we say guide us!!! Open our ears to your instructions. Open our minds to the thoughts that you have towards us. Remind us that your thoughts towards us are good and they have the outcome of your perfection. Open our eyes that we don't see things in the natural but in the spirit. Let us see the manifestation of the prayer that the Prophet Elisha prayed for his servant in 2 Kings 6:17, where he said: "LORD open his eyes so he can see". Daddy open our eyes so we can see. Let us see your hand of protection and provision on us. Let us see your wisdom, knowledge, and understand. Let us see that your plan is great than our process. Daddy, help us with our words. Help us speak the words that line up with your will, word, and way. Let us not get so frustrated in this transition that we forget the power of our tongue. That we speak life when we feel like death is trying to overtake us. We respond to situations and people with a soft answer. Daddy, be our Jehovah Shalom and let us experience your peace like never before. Be Jehovah Jierha so we can know that you will provide and meet our needs and wants. Daddy, we thank you that we will be the examples we need to be during this time of transition. In JESUS name AMEN!!!

The Perfect Good Bye

Today Daddy is kinda hard but easy at the same time. Today I say goodbye to 2017 and welcome 2018 with open arms! Today I come to you, asking your help, in helping me create the perfect goodbye. I feel like 2017 was the roller coaster ride that everyone talked about, but did not expect to be so bad. I mean I started the year with a positive attitude, embracing all changes, taking in all the blessings, and then it hit me. The truth of the year hit me and I realize that this roller coaster ride was not for me. But no matter how much I scream to get off it seemed like it started getting longer and longer to the point I just rode it out. I see that 2017 did not meet my expectations. It created moments where I did not see the reality of your love for me. I even got to the point where I just wanted it all to end. I mean what was 2017 really suppose to be about? Was it suppose to cause me to doubt you, limit my love for you, cause me to feel this moment of selflessness???? Was it suppose to make me cry to the point that my tears became dry? Was it suppose to disappointment this much? What was 2017 supposed to do for me? 

Daughter 2017 was the year I gave you to trust me the most. This year was not about success, favor, or even the blessings. This year was about us, our relationship, and who I am to you in the truth of your reality. I understand that you weren't prepared for all of the consequences of 2017. Whoever is? Who is ever prepared for what they do not know about? Who is ever prepared for the imperfections of my perfect moments? Who is ever prepared for my perfected timing when you are expecting a different box or presentation? Daddy, no one. Right so daughter I will help you with your perfect goodbye because my ways are always perfect and my thoughts towards you are always good. I will help you say goodbye, but before we leave can I help you embrace the hellos of 2017. Ok, Daddy. Say hello to your boldness, your strength, your new faith, your hope, and courage to come out of your comfort zone. Say hello to the leadership, the pruning, the gains, the love, and the letting go. Say hello to the things you said yes to and the things that got you the moments you were hoping for. Say hello to the new level of my presence and the growth you got to experience. Daddy, I never saw it like that. Well, daughter, it is hard to see my vision out of flesh eyes, but know that there is nothing in 2017 that I created just to make your life a question mark. I created every to bring you to this moment of goodbye. So let's say goodbye to looking back, lacking wisdom, not trusting me, and your broken vision. Let's say goodbye to the insane decisions, the people that left you empty, and the disappointments of your own decisions. Let's say goodbye to what they say, expect, or even wanted from you. Let's say goodbye to the old you! This is my perfect goodbye for you.   Daddy what a perfect goodbye it is.  Daughter, I leave you with this...  Become new in my son, and watch the old things pass away. (2Cor.5:17)

Prayer: Daddy help us to say goodbye to the things that we should not carry into 2018. Help us to embrace the tools produced in 2017, and let go of those things that we have held on for so long from the past years up until now. Let us not get caught in the resolutions of 2018 or the declarations that come with the new year, but let us get caught in your presence and wisdom. Let us grab hold to your word and make it part of our heart.  Let us not get caught up in the process but stand firm in the promises of you. We live this life to please you and hold fast to the things you have called us to. Let us embrace the stretching,  fall in love with your will, enjoy your love, hold on to your peace, and share your joy. Help us to remember we are made new in you through your son Christ Jesus, and that in him we can move forward. In Jesus Name. AMEN!

Mask OFF

#HappyLOVEDay!!! I am so excited about today even in my singlehood, because to day is a day of conquering for me. Today I shared with a group of sorority sisters... Something I don't talk about a lot and haven't shared with a lot of people. Today I told them that Valentine's Day a.k.a Love Day is a trigger for me. About the age of I will say 22 I was madly in love and thought everything was about to fall in place in life. I was graduating and engaged.. But on V-Day that engagment ended and my heart was crush. I got over it and then 2010 on this same day my ex husband took my hand and declared his love for me at the altar. Romantic right?? But you did see ex in front of husband...lol After our divorce V-Day was never the same for me for 5 years on this day I would contemplate suicide, feelings of worthlessness would overtake me, and I would find myself in this deep depression. I would be smiling on the outside but tore up on the inside. I shared this with my sorority sisters and some where shock... The room got silent and heavy.. (I don't like those moments) but it was then that I realize how free and delievered I was from this pain of 5 years. I was able to share it with truth. Why am I sharing this with you? Because the the standards of society can overtake the standards of GOD if we allow it. I had allowed this to happen to me and I had to let GOD love me back to his standards of love. I felt lost and confused trying to fit in, when I was already in, but the enemy had me feeling I wasn't. I want you to know whether you have someone or not. The standard of the world's idealogy of love will never outlast the standards of GOD's love. Don't allow your singleness overtake you that you miss the moments of GOD's love, and don't allow your security in having a spouse make you forget your first love. Also I want you to know that if it hadn't been for yall loving me in those 5 years I would not be able to share this. Your love unknowingly saved me. So on today make sure you love on purpose. Spread the love. I know we should do this everyday, but take advantage of this day. Where the world is open to love and the idea of love and let someone know this doesn't have to be a one day out of the year moment, but a everyday moment. Love you  and thank you for loving me with purpose and tension.

The Statement

Hey blog readers it's been a while since I post something but while on facebook I ran across a memory note that bless me all over again.

The note is titled: THE STATEMENT

So in a conversation that I had with a sister on tonight she brought out something that I never thought about. So may time in our time of repentance we make the statement "GOD forgive me for the decisions that I MADE." As she was praying for me, she stated "GOD allow my sister to move past the statement I MADE, because YOU are the author and finisher of our life story." NOW maybe you didn't get the revelation of the statement, so let me break it down. SHE said that I MADE, BUT YOU ARE THE AUTHOR AND FINISHER of OUR LIFE STORY. Which means that there is no such thing as a "MADE" Decision. Ok. GOD is the creator of all, and in the word He gives us free-will, but that doesn't cancel the fact that He created the situation to the decisions that we make. These same decisions that either set us up or out. Ok. I'm sorry I'm about to lose it over here. GOD knows what decisions that we are going to make as well as the outcome of how it will play out. Let me just say this, in order to be a victor you must receive the victory of YOUR LIFE STORY!

This bless me all over again!!! I was deep before marriage..lol But the point of this is that we have to realize the statements we make will never change the course to our GOD destination. There are two examples that come to mind from the Bible that really confirm how the statement of our decisions will not change our GOD destination. Come here Jonah. He decided that he was not going to do what GOD called him to do and despite his attempt to escape the assignment by verbally speaking his plan, he still ended on the shore of his GOD destination. Come here Peter... You told JESUS you would not deny him but you did it several time and you curse... But look at you being the disciple you were called to be leading nations to Christ!!! WE can make decision but despite our decisions we will get to the GOD destination. The question remains will you take the 40 year or 40 day journey???

Prayer: Daddy today we come to you to say thank you for being the author and finisher of our life story. We realize that no matter what decisions we make you will get us to Your destination. We thank you for forgiving us in our bad decision making that manifest disobedience, and giving us the opportunity to reach our GOD destination in your grace and mercy. Daddy we shift towards a mindset of obedience and we thank you that no matter what statement we make the result is we win in you. Daddy help stay the course of  your will. Help us warn off distractions that cause your voice to be drowned by the weight of this world and the worries of this life. Remind us Daddy that you are the provider and everything we need can and will be found in you. Daddy help us make the right statements over our life and speak only what you have spoke to us. Help us trust you and help us with our faith in you when things don't look like what we think they should look like. Remind us that your timing is perfect and what you have in store for us is greater than any thing that we could even image or think.  In JESUS Name! AMEN

The Mask

It's been a while since I blogged but promise I have really been in a position where I needed to but didn't have the time to. Today's blog is one of true transparency. I have really been wrestling with the thought of  writing this blog.. I means it's not serious but it is very transparent when it comes to being in a position of growth. So here goes nothing. For past hummmmm... Maybe two months I have been a position where I really wanted a move of GOD in my life. I mean a move that would not only change my life but spill over into the lives of the people that are connected to me. In sum I wanted this kingdom move. Well it happen I mean really happen. I realize it had happen when I thought about how excited I was about graduating for the third time with my third degree (no I am not finish I need my doctoral degree...LOL). I was wondering why was I so happy about graduating again... Like overly excited. I was asking the Holy Spirit to reveal it to me and then it happen. The last time I was graduating I was in the mist of a separation with my husband which would end in divorce. I called him crying telling him it would mean the world to me for him to be at my graduation. I remember the conversation and how I found myself begging this man who I was still married to, to come to the most important day in my life at that moment but his attitude towards me was horrible. I also remember after leaving dinner with my family and him and how he cussed me out from Anniston, AL to Birmingham, AL in front of her (almost a hour and a half straight) ... I just remember that graduation being the worst, but I also remember the prayer I prayed. "Daddy if you just give me a second change that's all I ask. I want to know what joy is again." Those words rung in me ear and heart even after my divorce until I just let it go. Now fast forward three years later and degree number three and that prayer is coming true. Sidebar: Daddy will allow you to pray for a thing and just when you think he has forgotten about it, he shows up and out. Lesson: Prayer works just not in your timing and it will not come in the packaging you expect. Back to the regular scheduled blog.... So needless to say I got my second chance to enjoy the moment that I work so hard for, but not only that I realize how much Daddy loves us. I mean we are always saying he is a GOD of a second chance, we read where he gives second chances, but to experience the second chance is just amazing. But this is not the purpose of this blog just the foundation. The purpose of this blog is the aftermath of the second chance. I really have been seeking and asking Daddy to use me to show himself strong in my life. That He be the father, the provider, and the I AM that is talked about in the Bible. And he has forever one that I have prayed for. Here is my mask. I am happy that everyone I have prayed, poured into, and spoke purpose in. They have  received all that they need and more, but in the back of my head with my mask on I  am asking Daddy when do I get what I have been praying for. When do I get the overflow? When will it hit my house? When will he come? When can I leave and get the promotion? I am sure I am not by myself and if I am well I will just be. I wear this mask where I am super excited about the blessings of GOD on others not thinking DADDY WHEN. I smile when inside I am crying.... Asking DADDY what do I have to do to get it!!! Then I get tired of wearing my mask and I shut down and I have to have my selfish moment... Yeah it's a process for me. Then I have to stop ignoring the Holy Spirit and conforming to the enemy's mindset and take a bite out of the tree of life and say to myself... GIRL it is coming just keep praying for others and watch the blessing flow. But can I be real transparent that's hard when they are getting the thing that you prayed for, for yourself... i.e. the husband, the promotion, the move, the increase, the favor,,,, I can go on and on.... But the situation get's better when you realize how your ability to be selfless will paralyze your ability to selfish. The mask of asking When ME Daddy can overtake you if you do not place yourself in a position to really see what the father is trying to do through you to get you to your WHEN ME DADDY moment.

Prayer: Daddy help us to be so transparent with you that we never need to put on a mask in order to deal with growth, change, and praying for others. Help us to realize that your timing for our life is so perfect that we won't even have time to focus on the "WHEN ME DADDY" moments. Daddy help us to release these moments through faith, joy,and trust that you have not forgotten about us. Daddy secure us in your yes and Amen and let us not forget the personal promises you have spoken to us. In Jesus Name! Amen

The Reality is....

This post is going to be really different because it will be comprise of several things (Dear Future Husband, Transparency, and Daddy Daughter Conversation) For the last three months I have really been in the position of student and learning. About six months ago I ask GOD to start preparing me and surrounding me with the things that a wife would have to face, because I was the position where I really desire the Man of GOD I was designed for. In that prayer I had the opportunity to experience "Wife Lessons." Let me tell you Wife lessons are hard. I mean patience and the ability to hear has been the biggest lesson and teacher during each lesson. I am overwhelm with the revelations that Daddy has given me through every teaching moment. But the biggest lesson came when I found myself in battle in my sleep in my room at night. (Here is me being Transparent) I would find myself fight demotic spirits and one looked like someone I knew. I contact someone I trust that had the spiritual wisdom that I needed to help me understand what was going on. In our conversation she told me that I needed to record every encounter, ask Daddy about it, and realize the pattern of when the attacks happen. Before she could tell me more.. I got the revelation of the why, when, and how they happen. She then told me to explore the root of those areas and when I tell you it didn't take me long to reveal the root. The root came from suppressed insecurity, abandonment, rejection, and giving  my body away. Because every demotic attack was a man. I was overwhelm when I realize that what I thought I was over was really a suppressed moment exposed through these attacks. I did any and everything to make sure that I look like I had it all together, even it meant acting like certain things didn't happen, but the reality is.... What I don't deal with in the natural got exposed in the spiritual and it gave the enemy the permission to come in and do whatever he wanted to do with me. So with all that being said I had to ask Daddy to help me recall every moment that I felt abandon, rejected, given myself away, and let me not forget unforgiveness too which lead to my insecurity. Last night I had to go into my walk in closet and make it my altar calling out everything that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind. From being divorced to being in the position of feel like the only thing that I had to offer a man was my body. I was put on the surgical table to be cut on. I asked for a clean heart and blood transfusion along with freedom. I had to remember that I have freedom in Daddy and there is no chain too strong that can't be broke by him. It's amazing how suppressed things will find themselves exposed no matter how much you try to keep them in. Because I was able to be place on the altar of sacrifices I now have begun to feel the freedom that Daddy promises us. It's awesome but it's just a piece of what I can have and I plan on having in all areas of my life. (Dear  Future Husband)

Dear Future Husband:

I realize that every time I fuss at you for your short comings I am actually frustrated with my own suppressed emotions. The ones that I feel if I present them to you, you will see me in a light that is unpleasing to you. That you will no longer see your priceless jewel, but see broken pieces of colored glass. But after laying on Daddy's altar and presenting my body on his surgical table, he cut me open and replace my heart with his and gave me a blood transfusion that cause me to regain joy and my place in him. No longer am I upset at my short comes and no longer am I striving towards perfection but excellence. I apologize for all the times I made you feel less than a man. I apologize for making you feel like you failed me. Know that there is nothing in this world that you can do to fail me unless you stop listening to Daddy. You are my rock, you are the natural representation of GOD's love towards me. You are his heart in the flesh. Thank you for always being so patient and forgiving. I realize that this nothing new for you, that you were prepared for this very moment because Daddy told you it was coming. But that doesn't meant that I can't correct my actions. I thank you for being so great and open with me every step up the way. Today as Daddy has open my heart I expose my all to you. I realize that this should have been done before now, but you knew that I would come to you sooner than later with all of my brokenness healed. Thank you for being my heart beat when I didn't see how to love you beyond my flaws. Thank you for being the covering that you were destine to be for me. The tears that I cry right now are not of hurt and frustration any more, but gratitude and joy. I am totally grateful that you know the value of us and me. That my price in your heart never devalues but continues to gain value. I love you so much.

With a healed heart,

Your Priceless Jewel

Prayer: Daddy this was the most difficult revelation about me that I have ever had to face in a while. To know that I was in a place of bondage thinking I was free. Daddy thank you for a husband who can pray for my brokenness and not walk away as though there is not hope. Thank you for a man who sees beyond my flaws and see my freedom. Father right now I expose my flaws, heart, and mind to you. Find all the areas of insecurities in my life and cover them in the blood and destroying them with your love. For you said in your word that I fearfully and wonderfully made in you. Daddy expose every areas of doubt that I have suppressed just to fake joy. You said that I should be anxious for nothing. That you have taken on every burden that I may experience your everlasting joy. Jesus you said that you came that I can have life and life more abundantly and I accept the abundance of  life today. Daddy take away the areas of rejection that I have kept a secrete for you said in your word that your plans for my life are good and perfect. That you knew me before I was even a thought in my mother's womb. Daddy make me whole again. You said that you are my healer, that in you I can find rest and refuge. Daddy right now I ask that every broken area and piece of me be whole in you. Thank you that the blood of your son Jesus make me new in you and your grace covers me daily. Daddy thank you for being my father. For loving me in spite of. I thank you that you will never allow anything to harm me. I bind up every attack, assignment, and ambush of the enemy that is in the works, working, and thinking about manifesting in the name of Jesus and with his blood I send them all to the pit of hell. I thank you father that ever witch, war lock, demotic spirit, or imp is bound in the the name of Jesus and sent to the pit of hell and every opening, window, door, gateway, foot hold, crack, and cranny that the enemy is trying to come through has been sealed with the blood of JESUS and that the freedom of you has been released. Thank you Daddy for freedom and the healing of self inflicted wounds. Daddy I rest in your freedom, I speak your joy, I represent your glory and I thank you for your peace. In JESUS NAME AMEN