I'm Tired of Church

 This is not a Gentel Readers blog, this is a let's talk about it and process it.

Now that you have my requirements for this blog let's dive into this conversation, shall we.

So,  I'm scrolling  through  IG and I see this Prophetic influencer talking about what another well known Christian influencer has said about her. She goes into a deep monologue about her issues with this Christian influencer. She shares her hurt, she speaks from a place of brokenness, and then she intentionally shares her "Prophetic Judgment ". Use starts off by saying... (The famous words) "GOD told me"...or "I heard the spirit of the Lord say", Now, let me preference that this is not the first this person has done this.  Lately, this has been her M.O. and reading the comments is what really brought me to today's topic... "I'm tired of Church".

For the past year and a month I have been without a church home. I've visit several  churches, went back to some old ones, did online, and even just not thought  about it. In this space I realize how much tired I am of church.

Please, don't get me wrong I love the biblical concept  of church. I love fellowship, worshipping, exchanging amens, prayers, revelations and insight from the word  we just heard; however, this feeling and capacity to do that in churches today is hard. 

I know you want to know what happened with me and my last church. Well, pastor  got burned out,  due to the pandemic the church lost a lot of their congregation which caused higher debt, that lead to us losing the church. 

Now, you got the background let's dive into my process. So, I grew up in church.  I have always had some form of intentional fellowship in every  church  I went to.  This fellowship  can be the traditional  kind, breaking bread and just talking. The spiritual kind, which usually included a small group. Or the flexibility kind, which  is a combination of the two. Lately, this lack of intentional fellowship  has led me to the mindset of being tired of church  along with the misuse of the influence,  the lack of leadership  accountability (see the beginning of blog), loss of church  purposes, and the devaluing of gifts and titles. 

I want the church that seeks to move in a community  centered fashion, while building bridges and tearing down walls. I want the church looking for sick people,  not the one judging those healed,  healing, or in the process of moving towards healing. I don't want the church that is quick to judge, I want the one quick to love.  I want a church  that doesn't  push their personal agenda and convictions on others or use it as a measurement  of what righteousness looks like. I want a church  that reflects  the description of "the bride of Christ".

Prayer: Daddy help us to not get tired of the place you call your bride. Help us with our church burnout,  church  frustrations, and church hurt. Remind us that the church  building is not our place of negativity,  but the people  in it can be.  Help us process our ability to  forgive, heal, let go, move forward,  learn, and hold on to your word, call, and purpose. In Jesus Name.  Amen

I Am Worried

Hey Readers!!! 

I know it's been a while and I promise you all have been on my mind, but life... I am sure you all can understand how life's ups and downs can get you so off-tracked and discouraged that you start to place energy away from your assignment onto the things you should surrender to GOD.  As I prepare to celebrate another year around the sun and a new year. I find myself worrying about things I haven't worried about in the past. I am worried about being a great daughter to an elderly parent as an only child. I am worried if I am prepared to deal with the single life for another year with no children. I am worried if I can deal with the ups and downs of life healthy.  These worries have had me up since 4:34 am this morning asking Daddy to come to the table with Jesus for a "Come to Jesus" meeting. I asked Daddy how did I get here. What did I do or go wrong when it comes to how I have been living life for Him and with Him? I was so frustrated to point that I stop speaking and surrendering, that I start asking for a word. You know what Daddy did?!? He gave me a word not once but twice. The first word he gave me is found in

 Proverbs 12:25 NLT " Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up". The TPT version says "Anxious fear brings depression, but a life-giving word of encouragement can do wonders to restore joy to the heart".

Both versions address what I have been feeling, worry and anxiety, which leads to a place of depression and lack of joy. But what really got me was part B of the scripture "an encouraging word restores joy to the heart." Listen!!! I almost lost it because I realize I was so busy dwelling in the cave of worry and anxiety that I was not making way for the encouraging word. The word that could restore me... The word that would cheer me up. David said it best in 

1 Samuel 30:6 "And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God." 

There are times in our worry and anxious moments when we must encourage ourselves in GOD. This means we must surrender. Let's focus on part B of that scripture using the word surrender. "David surrendered himself to the LORD his GOD." That scripture and the action of David take on a whole other meaning of what we should do when it's time for us to encourage ourselves. It reminds us that to truly be in a position of encouragement we must surrender... not just the things we don't have handled, but the things we have a handle on. 

The second word came from an ex that is a friend. He struggles with his GOD relationship and from day one of us meeting I have prayed that he would have an encounter with GOD that would change his life and push him into his GOD destiny and healing. This morning he says to me:

"Hey, something told me to call you to give you this scripture Phillipians 4:13, I am sure you are familiar with what it says, but I am going to remind you what it says...You can do all things through Christ that strengthens you. This doesn't include failure. So, no matter what you go going on, you are promised success". Now I am on the phone with tears coming out of my eyes saying, ok Daddy you really do love me. Because he got out of his comfort zone just to be obedient to give me that word.  I want to encourage someone you may feel like your ability to encourage others may be in vain or you may be sowing seeds on bad ground, but let me tell you the process, the seeds, the wait, and obedience are so worth it. Mind-blowing blessings are on the way keep up the work and stay in the posture of surrendering. 

Today I challenge us to do three things 1) surrender EVERYTHING to GOD; 2) give an encouraging word to someone so you can have room to be encouraged; 3) trust the timing and promises of GOD. The wait may seem heavy; however, the fruit is great and worth the process (preaching to myself)

Prayer: Daddy we surrender all!!! All to you and the things you have in store for us. We surrender the things we think we have control of, and we make room for you. We expect you to handle everything that concerns us because you are not a man that you would lie to, and your words say we can trust you.  In Jesus' Name. AMEN!

The Issue of Truth

Hey Readers!!! I know I know !!! It's been a while I realize doing it once a month is going to be realistic for me. But I promise you that you will hear from me more often. So, let's get down to business!!

This morning before getting dressed for work, I read a new devotional "30 Names in 30 Days". (you can find it on the Bible app) I really didn't know what to think about the devotional, but I knew it was one that I needed to read. I really wanted to read it because I figured calling GOD Daddy was not working for me. I felt I needed to learn some new names and characteristics of him. (LOL) Today, was the confirmation that I needed because I learned a new name for Daddy...Jehovah El Emeth which means Lord GOD of Truth...  After learning this new name, I start to say it and pray to Daddy by calling him Jehovah El Emeth. Before I could even start praying, He started speaking and what He spoke hurt.

Now, this hurt was a hurt I had never experienced before. This hurt was the reality of truth. See, I didn't know that I was setting myself up by continuing to learning this new name and character of Daddy. As I said it over and over again. He began to tell me that His truth is not one that is comfortable, it is not the healing oil of gladness. It's not one that creates joy all the time. His truth is one that creates freedom. But even in the midst of being freed there is pain. I know you are wondering... How can freedom create pain? Simple, when you have to say good-bye to the things you invested half your life in, in order to get freed to move into your next, that can be painful. When you realize that the thing you were really working hard to fix is no longer fixable...and for you to fully be freed you must let it go and be ok with it being broken... That's painful! When you realize that the reality of what you thought was your truth was really a lie you created to make it through life, and the freedom you seek requires you to let that lie go to gain Daddy's freedom...That's painful!! I could go on and on about the issue with truth, but the reality is we must be able to handle and deal with the truth. We must allow Jehovah El Emeth to come in and do a work in our heart! We  must allow him to reconstruct our reality that we no longer live a lie, but we live in the truth of His love, word, promise, and freedom through Jesus.

Prayer:  Daddy we come asking that you be Jehovah El Emeth in our life. Allow the light of your truth to be the light we live in. Allow it to destroy every lie that we have created, believed, or fallen for. Allow your truth to be the strength of our desire to be free in you. To enjoy the peace of you and rest in all that you have called us to. In Jesus Name! AMEN!!!


P.S. Here is the link to learn the pronunciation of Jehovah El Emeth
https://tonyevans.org/praying-and-pronouncing-the-names-of-god-page-2/