The Mask

It's been a while since I blogged but promise I have really been in a position where I needed to but didn't have the time to. Today's blog is one of true transparency. I have really been wrestling with the thought of  writing this blog.. I means it's not serious but it is very transparent when it comes to being in a position of growth. So here goes nothing. For past hummmmm... Maybe two months I have been a position where I really wanted a move of GOD in my life. I mean a move that would not only change my life but spill over into the lives of the people that are connected to me. In sum I wanted this kingdom move. Well it happen I mean really happen. I realize it had happen when I thought about how excited I was about graduating for the third time with my third degree (no I am not finish I need my doctoral degree...LOL). I was wondering why was I so happy about graduating again... Like overly excited. I was asking the Holy Spirit to reveal it to me and then it happen. The last time I was graduating I was in the mist of a separation with my husband which would end in divorce. I called him crying telling him it would mean the world to me for him to be at my graduation. I remember the conversation and how I found myself begging this man who I was still married to, to come to the most important day in my life at that moment but his attitude towards me was horrible. I also remember after leaving dinner with my family and him and how he cussed me out from Anniston, AL to Birmingham, AL in front of her (almost a hour and a half straight) ... I just remember that graduation being the worst, but I also remember the prayer I prayed. "Daddy if you just give me a second change that's all I ask. I want to know what joy is again." Those words rung in me ear and heart even after my divorce until I just let it go. Now fast forward three years later and degree number three and that prayer is coming true. Sidebar: Daddy will allow you to pray for a thing and just when you think he has forgotten about it, he shows up and out. Lesson: Prayer works just not in your timing and it will not come in the packaging you expect. Back to the regular scheduled blog.... So needless to say I got my second chance to enjoy the moment that I work so hard for, but not only that I realize how much Daddy loves us. I mean we are always saying he is a GOD of a second chance, we read where he gives second chances, but to experience the second chance is just amazing. But this is not the purpose of this blog just the foundation. The purpose of this blog is the aftermath of the second chance. I really have been seeking and asking Daddy to use me to show himself strong in my life. That He be the father, the provider, and the I AM that is talked about in the Bible. And he has forever one that I have prayed for. Here is my mask. I am happy that everyone I have prayed, poured into, and spoke purpose in. They have  received all that they need and more, but in the back of my head with my mask on I  am asking Daddy when do I get what I have been praying for. When do I get the overflow? When will it hit my house? When will he come? When can I leave and get the promotion? I am sure I am not by myself and if I am well I will just be. I wear this mask where I am super excited about the blessings of GOD on others not thinking DADDY WHEN. I smile when inside I am crying.... Asking DADDY what do I have to do to get it!!! Then I get tired of wearing my mask and I shut down and I have to have my selfish moment... Yeah it's a process for me. Then I have to stop ignoring the Holy Spirit and conforming to the enemy's mindset and take a bite out of the tree of life and say to myself... GIRL it is coming just keep praying for others and watch the blessing flow. But can I be real transparent that's hard when they are getting the thing that you prayed for, for yourself... i.e. the husband, the promotion, the move, the increase, the favor,,,, I can go on and on.... But the situation get's better when you realize how your ability to be selfless will paralyze your ability to selfish. The mask of asking When ME Daddy can overtake you if you do not place yourself in a position to really see what the father is trying to do through you to get you to your WHEN ME DADDY moment.

Prayer: Daddy help us to be so transparent with you that we never need to put on a mask in order to deal with growth, change, and praying for others. Help us to realize that your timing for our life is so perfect that we won't even have time to focus on the "WHEN ME DADDY" moments. Daddy help us to release these moments through faith, joy,and trust that you have not forgotten about us. Daddy secure us in your yes and Amen and let us not forget the personal promises you have spoken to us. In Jesus Name! Amen