I'm Tired of Church

 This is not a Gentel Readers blog, this is a let's talk about it and process it.

Now that you have my requirements for this blog let's dive into this conversation, shall we.

So,  I'm scrolling  through  IG and I see this Prophetic influencer talking about what another well known Christian influencer has said about her. She goes into a deep monologue about her issues with this Christian influencer. She shares her hurt, she speaks from a place of brokenness, and then she intentionally shares her "Prophetic Judgment ". Use starts off by saying... (The famous words) "GOD told me"...or "I heard the spirit of the Lord say", Now, let me preference that this is not the first this person has done this.  Lately, this has been her M.O. and reading the comments is what really brought me to today's topic... "I'm tired of Church".

For the past year and a month I have been without a church home. I've visit several  churches, went back to some old ones, did online, and even just not thought  about it. In this space I realize how much tired I am of church.

Please, don't get me wrong I love the biblical concept  of church. I love fellowship, worshipping, exchanging amens, prayers, revelations and insight from the word  we just heard; however, this feeling and capacity to do that in churches today is hard. 

I know you want to know what happened with me and my last church. Well, pastor  got burned out,  due to the pandemic the church lost a lot of their congregation which caused higher debt, that lead to us losing the church. 

Now, you got the background let's dive into my process. So, I grew up in church.  I have always had some form of intentional fellowship in every  church  I went to.  This fellowship  can be the traditional  kind, breaking bread and just talking. The spiritual kind, which usually included a small group. Or the flexibility kind, which  is a combination of the two. Lately, this lack of intentional fellowship  has led me to the mindset of being tired of church  along with the misuse of the influence,  the lack of leadership  accountability (see the beginning of blog), loss of church  purposes, and the devaluing of gifts and titles. 

I want the church that seeks to move in a community  centered fashion, while building bridges and tearing down walls. I want the church looking for sick people,  not the one judging those healed,  healing, or in the process of moving towards healing. I don't want the church that is quick to judge, I want the one quick to love.  I want a church  that doesn't  push their personal agenda and convictions on others or use it as a measurement  of what righteousness looks like. I want a church  that reflects  the description of "the bride of Christ".

Prayer: Daddy help us to not get tired of the place you call your bride. Help us with our church burnout,  church  frustrations, and church hurt. Remind us that the church  building is not our place of negativity,  but the people  in it can be.  Help us process our ability to  forgive, heal, let go, move forward,  learn, and hold on to your word, call, and purpose. In Jesus Name.  Amen

They Watching

 Great Day Gentel Readers! 

So,  today's blog is brought you by the words "they are watching you".

Over the the 4th of July holiday  I ran into a person I went to college  with.  In our conversations I learned so much about him that I did not know. I was honored that he shared a personal testimony  with me. During our exchange I told him about my own testimony.  When I told him, his response was.... "Man, girl you spoke that thing into existence ". Now, I'm trying not to look shock as he hug me to congratulate me on the manifestation  of the testimony. 

I know you wondering, why were you shocked? Well, it is because I never knew he was watching me.  I never knew he saw my struggles,  the tears, the faith,  and my desperation to trust the GOD process. It really blew my mind! I hold him in  high regards.  (I do not think he knows that). He was so sweet to me as a freshman and always made an effort to speak to me on campus  no matter how big he got or who was around him. 

As we part ways he asked me to keep him in my prayers (which I do) and told me how excited he was. 

Meditating on that moment made me realize that their are people  watching me. They are encouraged by the process of my testimony and truly will root for me when I share my wins.

I wonder how times how you missed the opportunity to encourage  someone  else because you think your testimony  has no purpose, power, or value beyond you.  

Today, I encourage you to consult with the Holy Spirit,  and ask him to reveal to you who you need to share you testimony with. 

Prayer: Daddy thank you for reminding us that the process and finish work of our testimony  is not only for us, but for those watching us. Daddy continues to work in favor of those wondering  is the process worth the work. Encourage  those losing hope, desiring to give up, and overwhelmed by the discomfort of blind obedience. In Jesus' Name.  Amen!