It Hurts When People Drop Me

So when I was thinking about this blog, I was going to talk about how people drop you so quickly when things don't go right between the two of you. I was going to touch on how the selfishness of others can cause them to drop you when they should be picking you up. That when people drop you they leave a footprint of rejection on your life. But Daddy had another plan and because " I just want to be obedient". (Topic from day1 of #bloglikecrazy) I am going to do that.

When Daddy turned this blog around he brought me to 2 Samuel 4:4 where we learn about Jonathan's son Mephibosheth. This verse discussed what happens when someone drops you. You become crippled. What got me were the verses before and after the drop. There was a sense of fear that came over the kingdom and the people. The person in charge at the time had no answers to what to do and how to fight, yet he found time to rest. In his resting, he was killed. (this happens all before the drop) The people that killed him bring his head to King David as a sign of victory but in return are killed themselves.  (these things happen after the drop) My question is what happens in the middle of the drop? A lot of times we are in a place where someone has dropped us that it cripples us to wanting or desiring to go to our next. We find ourselves depending on others to take care of us. This is where we see Mephibosheth in 2 Samuel chapter 9. David has done everything up to this point that Daddy told him he would do as king. But, he is reminded of the covenant he had with Jonathan and asked this simple question in verse 1: "Is anyone in Saul's family still alive--anyone to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan's sake"? He gets his answer in verses 3-6a of this chapter. 

See, what I realize in this story about Mephibosheth is, though he was dropped, abandoned, and forgotten, someone remembers the promise attached to his legacy. King David realized that though he had completed the works Daddy had called him to, he had not honored his friend or the covenant he made with him. How does this apply to us about being hurt when people drop us? Though Mephibosheth's nursed dropped him to the point of crippling him, Daddy saw an opportunity to revise the legacy of a friendship. He saw an opportunity for what was broken and had no value to gain value and wholeness again. That's exactly what Daddy wants to do for us after people have dropped us. He wants to revise us, give us value, and make us whole again.

I know you are wondering what is the moral to this blog? That though they hurt you when they drop you, Daddy is going to make sure that your crippling experience will cause you to grab the attention of a king.  That king will be reminded of the promises attached to your legacy and will call you to sit at this table and enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Prayer:  Daddy thank you for the reminder that when people drop us, that it will not hurt our legacy.  Thank you for helping us to remember that we are worth to sit at the king's table no matter how broken we look to others, you see us whole and valuable. We thank you that you have given us the boldness and bravery that we need to forgive those that dropped us, causing us to be crippled by fear, frustration, loneliness, and bitterness. In Jesus Name. Amen

P.S. #bloglikecrazy day 3 completed

The Transistion

I know it's been a while and I do apologize. I am realizing that in order for this thing to really work you all need to hear from me.  So today you, my readers are my accountability partners. That's right I have given you the task to email me at: shawndrikaLcook@gmail.com if you aren't getting a blog once a week. See we must realize that we are meant to do life alone, and sometimes strangers, people we don't know are for us will hold us accountable. So welcome ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS!

With that being said let's talk about transition! So for the past 4 months, I have been in a place of total transition. I went from working a full 8-5 in my field, to leaving there and doing ministry full time!! Yep, ministry FULL TIME!!!  Now I know you are wondering what causes me to make this move. I mean I just passed my licensure examine only a year ago, I have not been a private practice therapist at all, and now I am in ministry. To answer the question of why, is simple, obedience. But, in my obedience, the walk and the focus of my next has been hard.  I find myself feeling lost, confused, out of place, ill-prepared,  hopeless, distraught, and discourage. Any negative feelings that a human being can express... This girl expressed them and more. I know you are wondering why did you experience all these negative emotions. I mean you were being obedient right? Well, here is the thing with obedience comes sacrifice, thought 1 Samuel 15:22  states, "Obedience is better than sacrifice".  There is a sacrifice that comes with obedience. Maybe I shouldn't say a sacrifice, there is a surrendering that comes with it. To some that surrendering position can feel like a sacrifice. I mean give up everything you know just to be submerged into something you know nothing about. 

So, here I am in the 5th month of the transition and I am stuck! Yep, stuck like a truck in the mud. I am not writing this blog from a place of overcoming this time. This time I am writing to you while the process is still going. While I am still in the place of getting to the prize or the next that GOD has called me to. I am in that,  "I have to more trust GOD moments", rather than "I will figure something out moments". I'm at a place where I need the manifestation whether than being on ok with waiting for the manifestation.

I know someone who is reading this is wondering why am I telling the story as it is happening? Well. it's because you need to know the process of transitioning. When you are in a place where the transition is not by choice, but assignment there are certain things you can't control or deal with because you truly trust Daddy to guide your every step. For instance, I can't control the demands that my assignment has on my life. I took a $2500 pay cut, yet I have not wanted for anything for real. I have tried to apply for a second job with the conviction that I couldn't because of the demands of this assignment.

Why tell you the now of my transition for real?!? Because you need to know that transition is worth it!!! It's worth leaving something that you do know for something you don't know. It's worth moving beyond you to get to Daddy. It's worth the process... OOOOOO!!! That's a word PROCESS!!! The process will be the foundation of your transition. How you see your process will determine how long you will stay in your transition. If you see your process as a burden, then your transition will last longer, because you are not able to receive the benefits of the process. But, if you see the process as a purpose, that it pushes you to your next, stretches you to another level in GOD, and betters your faith and trust in Daddy. Then the transition will be short and one that you can talk about as part of your testimony. Let me say this I don't care what kind of transition you experience good or bad, no one likes the discomfort that comes with it. No one likes being in limbo where you aren't sure what's going on, but you know where you are going. No one likes looking at the preview of their promise and wondering when they will get there. These are the feelings of transition.

Today, I want to encourage someone to keep pressing in their transition!!! Keep enjoying the process no matter how uncomfortable it gets. Remember this transition is not about you, but about those who are looking at you. You are the only manifestation of GOD they may see! This is about your legacy, your future, your next...DON'T FORFEIT IT!!!

Prayer: Daddy transition is not easy. It can be uncomfortable and stressful if we don't allow You to guide us. Today we say guide us!!! Open our ears to your instructions. Open our minds to the thoughts that you have towards us. Remind us that your thoughts towards us are good and they have the outcome of your perfection. Open our eyes that we don't see things in the natural but in the spirit. Let us see the manifestation of the prayer that the Prophet Elisha prayed for his servant in 2 Kings 6:17, where he said: "LORD open his eyes so he can see". Daddy open our eyes so we can see. Let us see your hand of protection and provision on us. Let us see your wisdom, knowledge, and understand. Let us see that your plan is great than our process. Daddy, help us with our words. Help us speak the words that line up with your will, word, and way. Let us not get so frustrated in this transition that we forget the power of our tongue. That we speak life when we feel like death is trying to overtake us. We respond to situations and people with a soft answer. Daddy, be our Jehovah Shalom and let us experience your peace like never before. Be Jehovah Jierha so we can know that you will provide and meet our needs and wants. Daddy, we thank you that we will be the examples we need to be during this time of transition. In JESUS name AMEN!!!

The Blow of Faith

This week is my first week in my new position in full time ministry. Though my plan has not gone  quite how I wanted I can say this move has granted me peace despite the pay cut. But what really got me was a conversation that the Holy Spirit brought to me that the enemy was trying to use to blow my faith. Yes readers this blog entry has a two part meaning because that's just how Daddy works. He works in parts and process and this little lesson is both.

There is something about growth that causes you to get to a place were you want  and need to express the doubts of your heart while exposing the the weaknesses of your faith and this is one of those moments. After saying YES to GOD one always wonders what that YES truly means. Does it mean the Matthew 6:33 Yes which states "I will seek first the kingdom of GOD and all his righteousness."? Or maybe it's the Proverbs 3:5-6 "Leaning not to your own understand, acknowledge him and he will direct your path." Or last maybe Phil 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing but through prayer and thanksgiving make your request know." Can I tell you it's all of that. A Yes to Daddy is the blowing of your faith. It will have you seeking the kingdom while your bill collectors are calling you talking about law suites. It will give you peace when you do not know when and were you will get the money to pay your rent, but you know that your Daddy is covering you so you give thanks any how. It is leaning not on your own understand and asking the Holy Spirit to guide you because clearly you are not aware of where you are going. That's what a  Blow of a Faithful YES looks like .It will cause your faith to blow in  directions beyond your strength and ask yourself "Why didn't I do this sooner.?"

But in that same moment of revelation, we can find ourselves  having our faith blowing by thoughts of negativity. Thoughts that make us question is this really GOD lead or self want. GOD was I suppose to go into ministry full time? Was I suppose to be doing this, that, or the other? Yep, that great yes can make the enemy place thoughts in your head that could blow your faith. But aren't you glad that our Daddy is stronger? Because just when the enemy feels like he has us in a place where our faith will be blown into pieces, GOD reminds us  that we have purpose, that we are destine to GREATER works, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and He has not forgotten about us. WHAT A GREAT DADDY!!!

So today no matter what part of the process you are in.... The part where you just gave your best YES or the part where you wondering why you said YES in the first place, know that DADDY is about to blow your faith. The winds of the enemy has nothing on DADDY. It may feel that enemy's winds are stronger, faster, heavy, and destructive, but let me give you the heads ups, it's just smoke and mirrors, in other words do not get caught in the illusion.

Prayer: Daddy today I blow my faith towards you no matter the cost. I realize that the enemy has tactics that can make my YES to you feel like a doubtful move of waiving faith, but it really just a trick to get me off the promises of the YES and AMEN that you spoke into my life before I was formed in my mother's womb. So today Daddy I repent. I repent  for allowing the illusions of Satan's tactics to get me in a place where I doubted your guidance, provision, process, love, and grace. I repent for not seeking Your kingdom first while you take care of my needs. Thank you Daddy for another chance to get my faith blown in the direction of Your will for my life. I thank you on this day I realize that this is a process and I am willing to go all the way because you will guide my every step with your light. In Jesus Name AMEN!

Unbothered Daddy

So I am in my office with all these thoughts going on in my head and I pick up my daily devotion calendar that is displayed on my desk just to change the date. Let me remind you I have had this calendar for years! Maybe 13 plus years. But I pick it up to read what March 21 says and this scripture has wreaked my day like literally wreak my day. Tore up my brokenness, rip my doubt, and breathe life into me. Isaiah 54:10 NIV: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you."

I know you saying how could that one scripture wreak you like that? Well when you are in a place where you don't know if Daddy  is doing something for you and feel like things are going silent.

You wonder Daddy do you still love me? I mean to feel like Daddy are you really bothered by the things that I am bothered by or am I just praying empty prayers? Well this scripture  just ripped  those thoughts and more out my head. In one reading my heart was change and I had an awaking moment of who Daddy is. Daddy is Unbothered. That means that there is nothing I can do, this world can give, bill collectors can say, my finances can show that moves Daddy away from his covenant of peace. Ok, let me preach to myself. There is no amount of debt, issues, reports, stress, fear, anxiety, disappointment, feeling, or emotion that can shake Daddy’s love, compassion, or peace for me and towards me. Do you understand that? Daddy is so unbothered about what we are bothered about. He does not care how much the world says we have failed. Whether it be with goals we have set, debt we tried to cancel, or the lack of funds in our bank account. Daddy is unbothered with our strategies, but he is bothered that we have not sought out his peace and love, and that we have become so overwhelm with the world that we have allowed mountains and hills to block us from his presence. 

Prayer: Daddy help us to become unbothered by the things of this world, our life issues, and every strategy that we have created to get us out of whatever we have created for ourselves. Daddy help us become bothered by your love, peace, presence, word, and will for our lives. Help us become bothered by your supplication, provision, and strategy. Help us become bothered with being bothered in you. Bothered by your voice….Bothered by your assignments for our lives…Bothered by your love, healing, and just you Daddy. In Jesus Name! AMEN

Mask OFF

#HappyLOVEDay!!! I am so excited about today even in my singlehood, because to day is a day of conquering for me. Today I shared with a group of sorority sisters... Something I don't talk about a lot and haven't shared with a lot of people. Today I told them that Valentine's Day a.k.a Love Day is a trigger for me. About the age of I will say 22 I was madly in love and thought everything was about to fall in place in life. I was graduating and engaged.. But on V-Day that engagment ended and my heart was crush. I got over it and then 2010 on this same day my ex husband took my hand and declared his love for me at the altar. Romantic right?? But you did see ex in front of husband...lol After our divorce V-Day was never the same for me for 5 years on this day I would contemplate suicide, feelings of worthlessness would overtake me, and I would find myself in this deep depression. I would be smiling on the outside but tore up on the inside. I shared this with my sorority sisters and some where shock... The room got silent and heavy.. (I don't like those moments) but it was then that I realize how free and delievered I was from this pain of 5 years. I was able to share it with truth. Why am I sharing this with you? Because the the standards of society can overtake the standards of GOD if we allow it. I had allowed this to happen to me and I had to let GOD love me back to his standards of love. I felt lost and confused trying to fit in, when I was already in, but the enemy had me feeling I wasn't. I want you to know whether you have someone or not. The standard of the world's idealogy of love will never outlast the standards of GOD's love. Don't allow your singleness overtake you that you miss the moments of GOD's love, and don't allow your security in having a spouse make you forget your first love. Also I want you to know that if it hadn't been for yall loving me in those 5 years I would not be able to share this. Your love unknowingly saved me. So on today make sure you love on purpose. Spread the love. I know we should do this everyday, but take advantage of this day. Where the world is open to love and the idea of love and let someone know this doesn't have to be a one day out of the year moment, but a everyday moment. Love you  and thank you for loving me with purpose and tension.

Soul Detox

Daddy, I realize I'm going backward and not forward.  My flesh is out ruling my spirit because I've given into it daily. I've allowed myself to be overcome with thoughts of what my flesh wants and not what you want for me. My heart is heavy and filled with emotions I can't bare to carry or talk about. I feel so alone that I have reduced myself to the now fix, than the GOD fix. I've open doors you have shut and shut doors you have open; I've tainted them with my sinful nature just to numb the pain of the process. I 've lost hope, faith, and trust in you because it seems as though you keep working in my later when I need you in my now. I've kept silent far too long Daddy, trying to have the faith of your word. I feel lost and confused and you are the only one I can turn to. The world and country I live in is more divided as ever, and it feels like your victory is but a distant memory. What can I say or do to get you to move on my behalf? My tongues feel traditional, my heart empty, and my prayers muffled. My soul is in need of a dexto from You. I find myself screaming Your name, pleading for the blood to cover every guilty stain. I try to stay under the umbrella of your mercy and grace, but then I find myself being out of place. I want you Daddy and all you called me to be. But right now this assignment of being me seems too heavy for me. To be your standard, daughter, and bride. To be the one that never gets caught up in her pride. To be strong in your strength, operate in your gifts, and yield to your will; is not a stroll in the park. Daddy my soul needs the reminder of your love manifested in my now and interrupting my later. My soul needs the reminder of Your why. Why do you want me, why do you need me, and why don't you move in my timing? My soul needs your detox. The detox that clears my vision, restores my heart, guides me through the ups and downs, and shows me how to put me to the side. My soul needs the dexto of your joy, for you said in your word " I can find strength in it." You said it will be an exchange for my weakness. My soul needs your peace, for in it Your understanding will be released. I can see clearly now when your peace over takes me. Detox me Daddy for my soul is filled with thoughts of failure, fear, destruction, negativity, and hidden secrets. Remind me that your thoughts towards me are good, and so are the plans for my life. Remind me of the victorious victory of this fixed fight. DADDY DETOX ME!!! That my spirit man can be free in your liberty and my heart can show your love alone. DADDY DETOX ME!! So I won't become intoxicated with the instant gratification of this world, caught up in the politics of this nation, and overwhelmed by the words of men that state you can't and don't exist. DADDY DETOX ME!! That others connected to me can remember they are joint heirs of Christ, there is no lack in their lives, and you are the supplier of all their needs. DADDY DETOX ME!! That my husband can find me working for your kingdom, and serving your people. DADDY DETOX ME!! So I can have the faith to speak life to dead situations, see miracles, signs, and wonders. DADDY DETOX ME!! that my heart never feels the weight of disappointment. DADDY DETOX ME so I can be and look like your daughter again because right now I feel alone and abandoned. DADDY DETOX ME!! DADDY DETOX ME, so I can feel your presence every morning and every day. DADDY DETOX ME!! DADDY DETOX ME, because I don't know how much more my soul can take. DADDY DETOX ME so the enemy has no case against me. DADDY DETOX ME!! DADDY DETOX ME!! DADDY DETOX ME!!

In Jesus Name,

AMEN

The Art of Thankfulness

Good Tuesday Morning!!! I. I was reading my prophetic devotional  and it was talking about about dealing with the anti-Christ but today was really one that convicted me. It was talk about how to use Thanksfulness/Thanksgiving in order to fight and deal with the anti-Christ. Can I be honest I have found it difficult to be thankful when: I am so tired when it comes to my job, my singlehood, and just overall life status. I know the word says in all things give thanks and please know that's my goal and that's why this edition of the devotional convicted me with a passion to ask daddy for a vision of thankfulness. I realize that life will never go the way WE plan but thank GOD his plan is perfect. Thanksgiving and the heart of thanks opens doors for the more enough. When JESUS gave thanks for the five loaves of bread and two fish it went from feeding a little boy and his family to feeding 5,000 and they had leftover to take home. LEFTOVERS!!! Let me just settle right there. When we get to a place of thanksgiving with a thankful heart Daddy will allow us to have leftovers.. In other words the overflow is in your thankfulness. Let's examine one more benefit of thankfulness. It causes Daddy to take on the issues of our heart. Phil.4:6-7" Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” Not only does thankfulness meet my heart need, but it grants me the peace of GOD, a mindset to trust him in the things of my heart, protect me, and for GOD to make my issue his priority. In the words of my sister oh that preach right there!

Prayer: Daddy so many times we miss the moments to give you thanks dealing with us and our issues. We sit complaining, contemplating, comparing, and coercing things in our life to reflect what we think our life should be when we should be giving you thanks. Daddy forgive us for being in our will when all we had to do is take time and be in yours. Daddy forgive us for not always not having a heart and the speech of thankfulness. Daddy today want to take the time out and say thank. Thank you for being so great to us. Thank you for being our provider, provision, and promise keeper. Thank you for life, healthy, and strength. Thank you for your word that says I am more than a conqueror in you through Christ JESUS. Thank you Daddy that no matter what situation, circumstance, issue, or problem we will thank you first and tell you our heart next. But we will always thank you!! In JESUS NAME. AMEN!!!

The Reality is....

This post is going to be really different because it will be comprise of several things (Dear Future Husband, Transparency, and Daddy Daughter Conversation) For the last three months I have really been in the position of student and learning. About six months ago I ask GOD to start preparing me and surrounding me with the things that a wife would have to face, because I was the position where I really desire the Man of GOD I was designed for. In that prayer I had the opportunity to experience "Wife Lessons." Let me tell you Wife lessons are hard. I mean patience and the ability to hear has been the biggest lesson and teacher during each lesson. I am overwhelm with the revelations that Daddy has given me through every teaching moment. But the biggest lesson came when I found myself in battle in my sleep in my room at night. (Here is me being Transparent) I would find myself fight demotic spirits and one looked like someone I knew. I contact someone I trust that had the spiritual wisdom that I needed to help me understand what was going on. In our conversation she told me that I needed to record every encounter, ask Daddy about it, and realize the pattern of when the attacks happen. Before she could tell me more.. I got the revelation of the why, when, and how they happen. She then told me to explore the root of those areas and when I tell you it didn't take me long to reveal the root. The root came from suppressed insecurity, abandonment, rejection, and giving  my body away. Because every demotic attack was a man. I was overwhelm when I realize that what I thought I was over was really a suppressed moment exposed through these attacks. I did any and everything to make sure that I look like I had it all together, even it meant acting like certain things didn't happen, but the reality is.... What I don't deal with in the natural got exposed in the spiritual and it gave the enemy the permission to come in and do whatever he wanted to do with me. So with all that being said I had to ask Daddy to help me recall every moment that I felt abandon, rejected, given myself away, and let me not forget unforgiveness too which lead to my insecurity. Last night I had to go into my walk in closet and make it my altar calling out everything that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind. From being divorced to being in the position of feel like the only thing that I had to offer a man was my body. I was put on the surgical table to be cut on. I asked for a clean heart and blood transfusion along with freedom. I had to remember that I have freedom in Daddy and there is no chain too strong that can't be broke by him. It's amazing how suppressed things will find themselves exposed no matter how much you try to keep them in. Because I was able to be place on the altar of sacrifices I now have begun to feel the freedom that Daddy promises us. It's awesome but it's just a piece of what I can have and I plan on having in all areas of my life. (Dear  Future Husband)

Dear Future Husband:

I realize that every time I fuss at you for your short comings I am actually frustrated with my own suppressed emotions. The ones that I feel if I present them to you, you will see me in a light that is unpleasing to you. That you will no longer see your priceless jewel, but see broken pieces of colored glass. But after laying on Daddy's altar and presenting my body on his surgical table, he cut me open and replace my heart with his and gave me a blood transfusion that cause me to regain joy and my place in him. No longer am I upset at my short comes and no longer am I striving towards perfection but excellence. I apologize for all the times I made you feel less than a man. I apologize for making you feel like you failed me. Know that there is nothing in this world that you can do to fail me unless you stop listening to Daddy. You are my rock, you are the natural representation of GOD's love towards me. You are his heart in the flesh. Thank you for always being so patient and forgiving. I realize that this nothing new for you, that you were prepared for this very moment because Daddy told you it was coming. But that doesn't meant that I can't correct my actions. I thank you for being so great and open with me every step up the way. Today as Daddy has open my heart I expose my all to you. I realize that this should have been done before now, but you knew that I would come to you sooner than later with all of my brokenness healed. Thank you for being my heart beat when I didn't see how to love you beyond my flaws. Thank you for being the covering that you were destine to be for me. The tears that I cry right now are not of hurt and frustration any more, but gratitude and joy. I am totally grateful that you know the value of us and me. That my price in your heart never devalues but continues to gain value. I love you so much.

With a healed heart,

Your Priceless Jewel

Prayer: Daddy this was the most difficult revelation about me that I have ever had to face in a while. To know that I was in a place of bondage thinking I was free. Daddy thank you for a husband who can pray for my brokenness and not walk away as though there is not hope. Thank you for a man who sees beyond my flaws and see my freedom. Father right now I expose my flaws, heart, and mind to you. Find all the areas of insecurities in my life and cover them in the blood and destroying them with your love. For you said in your word that I fearfully and wonderfully made in you. Daddy expose every areas of doubt that I have suppressed just to fake joy. You said that I should be anxious for nothing. That you have taken on every burden that I may experience your everlasting joy. Jesus you said that you came that I can have life and life more abundantly and I accept the abundance of  life today. Daddy take away the areas of rejection that I have kept a secrete for you said in your word that your plans for my life are good and perfect. That you knew me before I was even a thought in my mother's womb. Daddy make me whole again. You said that you are my healer, that in you I can find rest and refuge. Daddy right now I ask that every broken area and piece of me be whole in you. Thank you that the blood of your son Jesus make me new in you and your grace covers me daily. Daddy thank you for being my father. For loving me in spite of. I thank you that you will never allow anything to harm me. I bind up every attack, assignment, and ambush of the enemy that is in the works, working, and thinking about manifesting in the name of Jesus and with his blood I send them all to the pit of hell. I thank you father that ever witch, war lock, demotic spirit, or imp is bound in the the name of Jesus and sent to the pit of hell and every opening, window, door, gateway, foot hold, crack, and cranny that the enemy is trying to come through has been sealed with the blood of JESUS and that the freedom of you has been released. Thank you Daddy for freedom and the healing of self inflicted wounds. Daddy I rest in your freedom, I speak your joy, I represent your glory and I thank you for your peace. In JESUS NAME AMEN  

A Morning

Dear Future Husband:

If my heart could express what I was feeling today I think you would understand the unexplained emotions that I demonstrated on this morning. First let me apologize for taking my sealed and covered heart out on you. I forget that there is another part of me that I can talk to, be free with, and cry on. I forget that I am no longer this single woman seeking to be found by the one that GOD tailored made me for. I forget that you are my rock, you know things even before I express them, because you and the father have conversations about me daily. I forget that you know how I function. You know what is really wrong with me though I try to keep my mask in tack, you quickly slip it off and see my nakedness. I forget that you love me.. not the me that I reveal to you, but the me that I keep hidden. I forget that you know me! You know the heart of who I am.. You know that at night I cry because I can't meet the world's demands. That I want to save nations but struggle to save me. That there are times that I wish to be free but have created a bubble so big to protect me that I forgot to let you in or better yet pop it.. Future I forgot!!! I truly did!!! But I am so glad that in my outburst you took me tears and all.. and you held me. And as you held me, you spoke to the father about me. You spoke life to me, you spoke love into me, you declared and decreed things that I couldn't see. As I cried in your arms not knowing what to do today. You took on the light of the father, and shined on me. You became my strength and though your day was busy with appointments and meetings, You cancelled them all just to be with me. To comfort me.. Take care of me. You became my superhero though I told you I didn't need to be rescued. You became my all when I felt like I had nothing. You became everything I needed you to be and completed the assignment of the father to me. For this my heart screams thank you.. but my tears say I appreciate you. I never thought you could truly be my all in all in one breath, but you took on the assignment with a heart of GOD courage and said father give me strength, and he did that a more. Thank you for never allowing me to forget that you and I are one, and the purpose of our union is not about a person but a purpose.

With a heart of relief,

Your Grateful Wife

The Thought of Love

Dear Future Husband:

As I sit here thinking about you. I hear the Jill Scott song in my head.."Just Running Across My Mind." The lyrics that stick out to me that describes you are.... " I love seeing you walk into a room... across the room, out of the room... I just love what you do... Then I added my own lyrics...I love seeing you smile... I love that I motivate you... I love your passion... I love that you want to save the nations, but you are taking care of our family first. I love that you can be my personal superhero yet vulnerable enough to accept help.I am just in love with all of you.Totally grateful that you are willing to spend the rest of your life being in ministry with me.

Committed to You,

Your Pearl

The Perfect Covering

Dear Future Husband:
There are no words in the world that can express my thank you. Thank you for the many times you filled up my car because I forgot to put gas in it on the was home. Thank you for making sure that dinner was ready after a long night at the office, even though you had a long day. Thank you for holding me when my friend came to visit me those cramps can be a pain....LOL! Thank you  for holding my hand when I gave birth to our children and the midnight runs you made when I was craving crazy things. Thank you for making me laugh when all I wanted to do is cry, because my efforts to save the world today failed. Thank you for speaking life when things seem dead and making sure I remember the promises of GOD. Thank you for being a great father to our children, providing stability, love, laughter, and memories to our home. But most importantly thank you for praying over me and watching over me when I am sleep. There are times that I wake up and it seems that your eyes are close, but then in a quite still voice I hear you praying for me. Asking the father to guide and cover me. I hear you thanking him for our marriage, family, and legacy. I hear you asking him to guide you in new way to love me and fall in love with me over and over again. It's during these moments that my heart becomes full and I realize how great of a covering you are to me. I try not to cry... But tears start to form in my eyes and I too begin to speak to Daddy about us. I start crying out for your heart, asking Daddy to guide you to the next level in him in peace, while restoring your joy. I ask Daddy to heal all the broken pieces that you never speak of. That he pours out vision and goals beyond your hearts desire and that he guide you to love me and how I should love you in all areas of our marriage. Future  your covering means more to me next to GOD himself. Without you I feel so incomplete, but with you I am covered. You are the heart of GOD for me and to me in flesh. For than I am grateful.
With A Heart of Yes,
Your Heartbeat

I will be

I can't believe how long it has been since I have blogged. I have had a message in my heart (the same one) for the last two months. I hope that the release of this message comes at a time when you, my readers need it the most. For it to still resound in my spirit after two months I know that Daddy is wanting me to release it. Sidebar: Even in disobedience the heartbeat of your assignment and purpose will still rest, rule, and reign in your spirit. It may become even uncomfortable in your physical body if you keep holding it in. With that being said let me release what Daddy has called me to speak.

Matthew 5:14 (NIV) “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. When I first read this I was like ok Daddy what are your trying to say. Here is Daddy's response to my question. 

Daughter I am saying that your light is dim, yet your position on the hill still exist. My children have forgotten the power of what I have purpose, called, and assigned them to be especially in this season and hour. I am not looking for great demonstrations that cause movements within the earth, I am look for quite moments with me that causes my glory to shake the earth, that change must not be an option but an action. When I speak of you being a light it doesn't mean that you have to speak for your light to shine., it means you have to be bold enough to shine. Know that no matter how much the world tries to place you in a box, a limited space that comes with boundaries, and disciples your light should not be hidden. You are my child, you have something in you that this world needs and to be the light on the hill you have to take a stand on my word and be bold enough to speak what I speak without the thought of judgment. WHO is MAN? Who is he that his law out rule the ones that I have give you? Who is he that your light for this world shines brighter than the one for my way, my word, and my will? He is only a creation that I formed for my glory. He lost his way in his will and  I as the father stand with open arms waiting on him to come back to his origin. I have positioned you to be beyond what this world is ready for. You can't think like this world, you can't be in this world, you can't move like the world moves. I have called you to be always on top, always ahead, always in a position of authority. How dare you allow what the world continues to show you and place before you dictate how your light should shine. How dare you alter what I created to fit something that is enemy made! How dare you call yourself something that I never called you just to fit in?!? HOW DARE YOU?!? Listen my daughter this is not the season to be setup, but to be set a part. You are not who THEY say you are! You will NEVER fit the agenda of this world. PLEASE stop allowing the light in you be place in a position to be hidden, because it will never cannot be hidden. I YOUR FATHER, YOUR DADDY can only control how bright your light should shine, because it will never be dim. I love you and I need you to be the light that you are called to be with your brothers and sisters. Seek not the light of this world Daughter, but the light of my love. I love you and remember I have called you to be BRIGHT!
~Daddy

A Daughter's Heart for Her Sister

Daddy my heart continues to be heavy as I see the news stories, the tweets, the facebook messages, the engine searches, and the constant coverage of the death of my soRHOr my sister... Sandra Bland. Daddy I look at the video and the hate for the officer continues to rise, the disappointment of being a woman rings in my mind, the frustration of being black and educated continues to overcome my heart; I think to myself  how can I forgive someone that took the life my sister, who took a simple moment of frustration as a moment for him to flex his authority. How can I allow this moment of history making, epic news be a moment for your glory without feeling some type of way that's not negative. Daddy my sister is dead. A woman full of purpose, life, and voice. Your Daughter is gone at the hands of a man or even  men who saw her as a problem, when you saw her as a solution. But what hurts the most Daddy I would have done the same thing. I would have cooperated but I would have told the officer that I know my rights and authority as well. I know the routine, I know what authority he carries, but I have some authority as well. Daddy my heart screams for you, for this is not a burden this is a cry of pain, hurt, frustrating, angry, and lost not just for myself, but my sisters nationwide. How dare they devalue us Daddy! Did you not call us precious rubies? Did you not call us priceless? Did you not call us your heart? Do we not have your last name? Daddy I can't wrap my mind around the thought of this act, the evidence of my sister's death, the disappointment of a system that speak of equal justice, but shows only favor towards certain people. Daddy this event has turn my world and others upside down. How do we get pass this moment? How we progress towards better? What do we do? Where do we go? Who do we run to?
Daughter please calm down I have heard your heart and the heart of your sisters and my people when it comes to this situation. Know this.... your sister didn't die in vain... My purpose will always remain and my glory will out shine the evilness of this world. Daughter my heart hurts for you and your sisters. I know what she meant to many of you. I know her impact in the earth. I knew that this would not be an easy thing to handle or even accept for any of you. I know that her family seeks justice, I know the heart of the officer and his co-workers. Daughter I know what happen to your sister and all I need you to do is trust me. Trust my justice it's greater than the thoughts of what you think your justice could bring. Trust my heart, that I will be the one that heals you, your sisters, and her family. Trust my revenge, because it's big and greater than any plan of revenge you could come up with. Trust my love, because even in chaos and unanswered questions, my love will bring clarity. Trust my peace, because it will surpass all your understanding. Trust my war plan, all I ask is that you put your war clothes on and show up for the battle, I will take care of the rest. Trust my ways, for  my ways are not like you ways. How I handle things will bring forth a better outcome and create a movement that man can't silence.Trust my timing, in my timing I produce perfection, though it may seem that my timing is off, remember this... I am an on time GOD! This is what I need you to do Daughter... as my daughter worship. For what you fighting is not a man but the assignments, ambushes, and attacks of the enemy. He is seeking to kill and destroy what I have created and unfortunately daughter it's starting in your family. Daughter don't allow what they report to dictate how you should respond. I am giving you clear instructions on how to respond and that's by standing still, worship, love, prayer, remain in my faith and faithful, and trust. When you do this and hold fast to what I promise you will see the manifestation  of me and the shifting from defeat to victory. Daughter stay encourage know that Daddy has this under control. I know that this may be painful, but all my processes come with pain and sacrifice, but know that it's all worth it. I love you Daughter and know that I am always here waiting for you. I AM... I AM and that's all you need to remember.

~Love you Daughter of Mine

Daddy