I am Over It

Daddy, I am over it! The heartache, the frustration, the cycles, the relationships, the rollercoaster ride of emotions, the debt, the worry, the stress, the fear, the disappointment, the failures, setbacks, and setups. I AM OVER IT!!!
This is the conversation that I had a few days ago with Daddy as I sat in my living room crying and stressing over the bill collectors calling me, worrying about how I am going to pay, this and that. This is the mindset I had when I thought about the investment I poured into so many relationships and friendships. This is even the mindset I had when it came to church too. I was OVER IT!!!

Have you ever been there? To the point, you were over everything that affected your life in such a negative way? I mean to the point you even contemplated taking your life? Well, that was me. Yep, this is a transparent moment. One that I think plenty people have but are ashamed to admit. I mean who wants to be in the position of showing that they trust GOD and then turning around and saying life is not worth living anymore?

This is probably going to be a real transparent moment for me because I have not told anyone, but you, my readers this.  I have been keeping these things bottled, masked, and hidden. I mean I am a licensed therapist and minister, how does it sound and look for me to be speaking or thinking suicidal thoughts? But, there I was only a week ago in my living room trying to Netflix and chill and these were my thoughts.

But, guess what? The same things that I just told Daddy that I was over, are the same things that He was trying to use to get me to my next. UGH!! Don't you hate it when Daddy uses the things you hate to get you to your next? How He uses issues, situations, circumstances, and failure to show you how to grow. To birth out new assignments, ideas, and gifts? How He takes your constant complaining and creates a moment for you to experience His glory and presence?

I hate it, but it's in those same moments that I realize how much GOD is  I AM! I AM is over it, and I AM is in it. He takes over and uses His strength to create new beginnings for us to be in Him and over IT ... The IT is us. We are the IT!!! I mean the IT is our.....will, word, and way.  It is our ability and desires to want to operate in our strength, mindset, and emotions.

But how do we get over the IT? By allowing Daddy to be it. I was reminded of the game tag. How the object of the game when being IT, is to tag as many people as you can before they get to the base. That's what Daddy wants to do. He wants to tag as many of your problems before they get to the base of your mind and you feel defeated instead of victorious.  That's why I John 5:4 says "for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith".
So today do me a favor join me in playing a game of tag. Let your problems run but allow Daddy to be IT!

Prayer: Daddy, thank you that you have already told us that you will handle all that concerns us. We thank you that even when it seems like our problems are weighing us down to the point we want to give up on life, we will tag you and allow you to be it. You are the source of our strength and everything that we need to get through every moment of our lives. We thank you for being IT. In JESUS name. Amen!

The Blow of Faith

This week is my first week in my new position in full time ministry. Though my plan has not gone  quite how I wanted I can say this move has granted me peace despite the pay cut. But what really got me was a conversation that the Holy Spirit brought to me that the enemy was trying to use to blow my faith. Yes readers this blog entry has a two part meaning because that's just how Daddy works. He works in parts and process and this little lesson is both.

There is something about growth that causes you to get to a place were you want  and need to express the doubts of your heart while exposing the the weaknesses of your faith and this is one of those moments. After saying YES to GOD one always wonders what that YES truly means. Does it mean the Matthew 6:33 Yes which states "I will seek first the kingdom of GOD and all his righteousness."? Or maybe it's the Proverbs 3:5-6 "Leaning not to your own understand, acknowledge him and he will direct your path." Or last maybe Phil 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing but through prayer and thanksgiving make your request know." Can I tell you it's all of that. A Yes to Daddy is the blowing of your faith. It will have you seeking the kingdom while your bill collectors are calling you talking about law suites. It will give you peace when you do not know when and were you will get the money to pay your rent, but you know that your Daddy is covering you so you give thanks any how. It is leaning not on your own understand and asking the Holy Spirit to guide you because clearly you are not aware of where you are going. That's what a  Blow of a Faithful YES looks like .It will cause your faith to blow in  directions beyond your strength and ask yourself "Why didn't I do this sooner.?"

But in that same moment of revelation, we can find ourselves  having our faith blowing by thoughts of negativity. Thoughts that make us question is this really GOD lead or self want. GOD was I suppose to go into ministry full time? Was I suppose to be doing this, that, or the other? Yep, that great yes can make the enemy place thoughts in your head that could blow your faith. But aren't you glad that our Daddy is stronger? Because just when the enemy feels like he has us in a place where our faith will be blown into pieces, GOD reminds us  that we have purpose, that we are destine to GREATER works, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and He has not forgotten about us. WHAT A GREAT DADDY!!!

So today no matter what part of the process you are in.... The part where you just gave your best YES or the part where you wondering why you said YES in the first place, know that DADDY is about to blow your faith. The winds of the enemy has nothing on DADDY. It may feel that enemy's winds are stronger, faster, heavy, and destructive, but let me give you the heads ups, it's just smoke and mirrors, in other words do not get caught in the illusion.

Prayer: Daddy today I blow my faith towards you no matter the cost. I realize that the enemy has tactics that can make my YES to you feel like a doubtful move of waiving faith, but it really just a trick to get me off the promises of the YES and AMEN that you spoke into my life before I was formed in my mother's womb. So today Daddy I repent. I repent  for allowing the illusions of Satan's tactics to get me in a place where I doubted your guidance, provision, process, love, and grace. I repent for not seeking Your kingdom first while you take care of my needs. Thank you Daddy for another chance to get my faith blown in the direction of Your will for my life. I thank you on this day I realize that this is a process and I am willing to go all the way because you will guide my every step with your light. In Jesus Name AMEN!

The Art of Fighting

This has been a week. It has been a week of constant fighting and constant trust in the word of GOD. For the last two years FEAR has been my biggest fight. The FEAR of failure, FEAR of rejection, FEAR of sacrifice, FEAR of not being loved or being able to love again, FEAR of not completing goals, FEAR of losing more than I can handle, FEAR of grieving, FEAR of the enemy, FEAR of me and ability to be successful, FEAR of the unknown, FEAR of losing, and most importantly FEAR of not being good enough. That's a lot of FEAR I know and as I type this I feel the weight of FEAR being revealed and release off my life so let me keep typing. F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real. The word of GOD clearly states that GOD has not given us the spirit of FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) but has given the power, love, and sound mind (2Tim1:7 ) So why is the fight so great when it comes to FEAR? Why is it so great to the point it that it can manifest as  a spirit that can over take your mind even in your dream. That even in the places you see as your safety the spirit of FEAR continues to be ever present. For me it has manifested in my dreams. I can have pleasant dream and then the natural manifestation of FEAR comes in and I wake up to the enemy standing over me trying to over take me. But today I take on the art of fighting. The first thing we must due when facing fear is we must learn how to trust Daddy. So many times we cause our own fear by losing focus on what Daddy has told us to do. Disobedience will cause the door of FEAR to creep open. We must meditate on the word  that gives us simple instructions on how to focus: Fear not for I am with you. (Isa. 41:10) How can we take this instruction and apply it to our life? Well if Daddy told us that he is with us then we have nothing to lose. He also states that nothing can separate us from his love, (Romans 8:38) NOTHING. So when FEAR makes you feel like you have been separated from GOD know that this is just the trick of the enemy, because the only thing that separates you from Daddy is you. Now that you know that GOD is always with you, you have to trust the presence of his love. Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. You have to trust the song that GOD sings over you know that it is one with great plans and it will restore your joy, give you peace, and allow you to know that he will always save you no matter what.  After you have trust him, dwell in his love, you next must operate an take your position of authority. First power you possess is your faith. Hebrew 11:1 For Faith is the confidence... We are going to stop right there. Faith is your confidence with it your can conquer everything! It causes you to speak with boldness and assurance that whatever you tell Daddy he will do, but also it allows you to cast down, destroy, and cancel the assignments, ambushes, and attacks of the enemy. Second remember your place, title, and position. Psalms 8:4-6 discusses our position and power:  "what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them? Yet you made them only a little lower than God  and crowned them with glory and honor. You gave them charge of everything you made, putting all things under their authority." Let me encourage you some more about your power. Romans 8:11 states that the same power that raised Christ from the dead is the same power that lives inside of us. Wait so you mean to tell me that the same power that rolled the stone away, took off Jesus's dead clothes, and clothed him with clothing of life lives in me?!?! Yep that's what I am saying. So what power does FEAR really have but what you give it. So today let's conquer this False Evidence Appearing Real that we  have given power to. Let's stand in our true authority and rest in FAITH know that GOD will always make a way out of no way and he will do beyond what he said he would do. 

Prayer: Daddy thank you for always giving us the answers to our issues, situations, circumstances, and reminding us of our power, authority, and position in you. Daddy we thank you with that all we need is in you and that FEAR has no power over your love, joy, peace, and presence. We thank you that in our thanksgiving you take hold to our FEAR and create a yearning to have faith in your word, promises, will, and perfect timing. Daddy we thank you that on today that every thing that we labled or connected to FEAR is being destroyed and we relinquished the power of the enemy out and off our life. We will no longer feed the spirit of FEAR by submitting to it's authority. We take the spirit of FEAR under our authority that we have due to our position of being the sons and daughters of the Most High, and we cast it to the pit of hell in which it was formed and we release the power of your love and trust in you GOD In JESUS NAME. We thank you Daddy that we shut down the gates of the enemy and we cancel every plan that has been formed to destroy us through the use of FEAR. We thank you DADDY that we declare victory and freedom from FEAR and we no longer yield to the authority of FEAR or the plans to FEAR. We sit, we taken in, and we continue to speak FAITH in our life. When things are unknown we speak FAITH that you will give us the wisdom and guidance that we need through your Holy Spirit to get to the destination that you called us to. When things seem uneased we speak your love, knowing that in your love you soothe all our issues and calm us with your peace.  Daddy we laugh at FEAR knowing that the reality of it's manifestation is not real and that it can only have the power we allow it to have in our life. We thank you that all is well and FEAR is not some we submit to but something we have defeated in the art of fighting it with FAITH. In JESUS NAME. AMEN 

The Reality is....

This post is going to be really different because it will be comprise of several things (Dear Future Husband, Transparency, and Daddy Daughter Conversation) For the last three months I have really been in the position of student and learning. About six months ago I ask GOD to start preparing me and surrounding me with the things that a wife would have to face, because I was the position where I really desire the Man of GOD I was designed for. In that prayer I had the opportunity to experience "Wife Lessons." Let me tell you Wife lessons are hard. I mean patience and the ability to hear has been the biggest lesson and teacher during each lesson. I am overwhelm with the revelations that Daddy has given me through every teaching moment. But the biggest lesson came when I found myself in battle in my sleep in my room at night. (Here is me being Transparent) I would find myself fight demotic spirits and one looked like someone I knew. I contact someone I trust that had the spiritual wisdom that I needed to help me understand what was going on. In our conversation she told me that I needed to record every encounter, ask Daddy about it, and realize the pattern of when the attacks happen. Before she could tell me more.. I got the revelation of the why, when, and how they happen. She then told me to explore the root of those areas and when I tell you it didn't take me long to reveal the root. The root came from suppressed insecurity, abandonment, rejection, and giving  my body away. Because every demotic attack was a man. I was overwhelm when I realize that what I thought I was over was really a suppressed moment exposed through these attacks. I did any and everything to make sure that I look like I had it all together, even it meant acting like certain things didn't happen, but the reality is.... What I don't deal with in the natural got exposed in the spiritual and it gave the enemy the permission to come in and do whatever he wanted to do with me. So with all that being said I had to ask Daddy to help me recall every moment that I felt abandon, rejected, given myself away, and let me not forget unforgiveness too which lead to my insecurity. Last night I had to go into my walk in closet and make it my altar calling out everything that the Holy Spirit brought to my mind. From being divorced to being in the position of feel like the only thing that I had to offer a man was my body. I was put on the surgical table to be cut on. I asked for a clean heart and blood transfusion along with freedom. I had to remember that I have freedom in Daddy and there is no chain too strong that can't be broke by him. It's amazing how suppressed things will find themselves exposed no matter how much you try to keep them in. Because I was able to be place on the altar of sacrifices I now have begun to feel the freedom that Daddy promises us. It's awesome but it's just a piece of what I can have and I plan on having in all areas of my life. (Dear  Future Husband)

Dear Future Husband:

I realize that every time I fuss at you for your short comings I am actually frustrated with my own suppressed emotions. The ones that I feel if I present them to you, you will see me in a light that is unpleasing to you. That you will no longer see your priceless jewel, but see broken pieces of colored glass. But after laying on Daddy's altar and presenting my body on his surgical table, he cut me open and replace my heart with his and gave me a blood transfusion that cause me to regain joy and my place in him. No longer am I upset at my short comes and no longer am I striving towards perfection but excellence. I apologize for all the times I made you feel less than a man. I apologize for making you feel like you failed me. Know that there is nothing in this world that you can do to fail me unless you stop listening to Daddy. You are my rock, you are the natural representation of GOD's love towards me. You are his heart in the flesh. Thank you for always being so patient and forgiving. I realize that this nothing new for you, that you were prepared for this very moment because Daddy told you it was coming. But that doesn't meant that I can't correct my actions. I thank you for being so great and open with me every step up the way. Today as Daddy has open my heart I expose my all to you. I realize that this should have been done before now, but you knew that I would come to you sooner than later with all of my brokenness healed. Thank you for being my heart beat when I didn't see how to love you beyond my flaws. Thank you for being the covering that you were destine to be for me. The tears that I cry right now are not of hurt and frustration any more, but gratitude and joy. I am totally grateful that you know the value of us and me. That my price in your heart never devalues but continues to gain value. I love you so much.

With a healed heart,

Your Priceless Jewel

Prayer: Daddy this was the most difficult revelation about me that I have ever had to face in a while. To know that I was in a place of bondage thinking I was free. Daddy thank you for a husband who can pray for my brokenness and not walk away as though there is not hope. Thank you for a man who sees beyond my flaws and see my freedom. Father right now I expose my flaws, heart, and mind to you. Find all the areas of insecurities in my life and cover them in the blood and destroying them with your love. For you said in your word that I fearfully and wonderfully made in you. Daddy expose every areas of doubt that I have suppressed just to fake joy. You said that I should be anxious for nothing. That you have taken on every burden that I may experience your everlasting joy. Jesus you said that you came that I can have life and life more abundantly and I accept the abundance of  life today. Daddy take away the areas of rejection that I have kept a secrete for you said in your word that your plans for my life are good and perfect. That you knew me before I was even a thought in my mother's womb. Daddy make me whole again. You said that you are my healer, that in you I can find rest and refuge. Daddy right now I ask that every broken area and piece of me be whole in you. Thank you that the blood of your son Jesus make me new in you and your grace covers me daily. Daddy thank you for being my father. For loving me in spite of. I thank you that you will never allow anything to harm me. I bind up every attack, assignment, and ambush of the enemy that is in the works, working, and thinking about manifesting in the name of Jesus and with his blood I send them all to the pit of hell. I thank you father that ever witch, war lock, demotic spirit, or imp is bound in the the name of Jesus and sent to the pit of hell and every opening, window, door, gateway, foot hold, crack, and cranny that the enemy is trying to come through has been sealed with the blood of JESUS and that the freedom of you has been released. Thank you Daddy for freedom and the healing of self inflicted wounds. Daddy I rest in your freedom, I speak your joy, I represent your glory and I thank you for your peace. In JESUS NAME AMEN