Birthday Behavior

Hello Readers!!!

I know, I know!!! I haven't posted in two weeks!! But, can I be honest I haven't had the energy and know how to post, what you need in order to be in encouraged. So, I had to get my life and pray about what I needed to share with you.

So, today is a special day. I didn't want to release this blog on Tuesday as usual because I wanted you to be a part of my birthday celebration. Yes, today is my birthday and I am super excited about it. Every year for the last 6 years I have always been in a funk when it is time for my birthday countdown. I would find myself comparing where I should be to where I am. I would think about all that I lost. My areas of lack. My areas of fear and frustration. Anything negative, I thought about it as my birthday approached. But, this year was different I don't know what happened or when it happened. (That's usually how Daddy works. He will shift you and transition into your next without you  being fully aware of the shift or the transition).

Today is not your usual blog.  It is a blog filled with revelation and insight. One to encourage you to enjoy life in spite of! This blog is to bring you more aware of what is going on with you. What Daddy wants to do through you. How you can live the abundant life that Jesus talks about in John 10:10

Let's get started!!!

As I prepared for today I decided to do three things. 1. Reflect. Not on what I wanted and needed. Not on what I did not have. But, reflect on the fact that I did not look like what I had been through. I start to look at pictures from the last 6 years. I saw how I lost and gain weight. I saw how my mask sometimes showed, but no one confronted me about it. I saw how I pushed through despite feeling like life was not even worth living. 2. Realize. I came to the realization that who I am will never be who everyone needed me to be. I will not be able to please everyone, fit there mode, or even be accepted by everyone. Last 3. Revelation. I got the revelation that I have not lived up to my full potential. That I have allowed myself to become complacent, fearful, and doubtful. I found myself comparing myself to people I thought I wanted to be, instead of asking Daddy what He needed me to be.

Through these decisions, five things were birth out of me. 1. Concentration. I realize that I need to focus on what is in front of me. Learn from what is behind me. Prepare for what is ahead of me.  By doing these things I will be able to be productive. 2. Consistent. When you create a routine that works keep working it. Keep building on it. Having foundation is the key to success and consistency is the cornerstone. Daddy is consistent, and because we are made in His image we must be the same. 3. Courage. You must be bold enough to think outside your box. To be in a position where you are willing to say "Yes," in spite of the test. Your "Yes", can't be compromised due to your discomfort. Which brings me to the fourth thing...4. Comfort. You must become comfortable being uncomfortable. See the more you get used to being uncomfortable the more you get shifted and transited into your next. Last but not least 5. Completion. This one is hard because I am so goal oriented that I felt like this referred to my assignment and not me as a person. But, this completion is about being whole. It's about realizing that what you thought you needed was not what you really needed. It's about being ok with you despite your flaws. It's the summary of everything I have discussed with you so far.

So, I am sure you are wondering how can all this information help you out. What can you do with this information? Simple. Use it. Look and see what you need to work on in the three decisions. What decisions do you need to make that you haven't made? What decisions do you need to re-evaluate? The five things birth out of me... Well, those or my tools, revelations, elements of life. They are the things that I need for this next chapter. They can be some or all that you need in your current journey.

Today, I challenge you to use my birthday to create a new year for you. No, not a new you, a new year. We are always waiting for January 1 for us to start all over. But, the reality is, our new year starts every time we open our eyes and breathe the breath of life.

Prayer: Daddy, we thank you for this moment. The moment to breathe, your breath of life. The moment to really get somethings straight in our lives. We thank you for the ability to point out the things we need to deal with. The thing that we need to evaluate and make decisions about in our lives. We realize we do not have time to waste, and we must stay in tune with you. Thank you for your guidance through your Holy Spirit. This moment could not be productive without your Holy Spirit. In JESUS name! AMEN!

Chapter 35

So this is going to be a different blog because I am writing this from a heart of  frustration in the beginning. I know you, my readers are wonder what's going on, what is so different about this blog. Well this blog is different because I am going to throw a great big pity party in the beginning then end it with what you are use to....A Daddy Daughter moment.

So let's get to business shall we... Today I turn 35... I know some are wondering what's the big deal. Well the big deal is at 35 this place that I am at in life is not where I thought I would be. Never thought I would be divorce, unmarried, no kids, lost and confused about my next steps, still learning to trust Daddy with the little things, and wonder where in the heck am I going to do now that all my career goals have been accomplished... So I think. Never would I have thought that I would feel like Daddy was not hearing me or leading me on,  while just being found in another process. Process... Now that's a word that keeps echoing in my spirit, ringing in my ear, and become the one thing I really don't understand, the why behind. I feel like this process has been going on for the last 5 years and I still don't understand when the end is coming. Or even if there is an end.. (If you are wondering if this is my pity party? The answer is simply yes. So pull you up a sit and get you something to drink because the turn up is about to get real) So here I am at Chapter 35 and I am  thinking to myself... Really GOD this is it? This is the chapter of the middle of the road. I am 5 years into my 30's and 5 years away from 40... and I have nothing but heartache to show for it. I am on my facebook page and on my timeline all I see is engagement, babies, wedding... EVERYTHING I have prayed for.... Oh and I haven't just prayed cute prayers for these things, I have fast, rolled on the floor, cried my eyes out, tarried, went into tongues, shouted, and the list goes on and on. But yet the people that barely know you Daddy, or even want to know you.... Get it instantly. I mean they haven't even said a Hello to you, they are the ones with my blessings... (Yep I am at the feed up part of the pity party... just in cause you were wonder) But in all my pity and before the party really gets turnt up... I hear Daddy say this...

Look up the number 35 and tell me what it means in my biblical meaning. I am obedient even in my anger and pity... Yep I am angry because I feel like I have done enough to at least feel like Daddy is working on something, yet I feel nothing. I look up the biblical meaning of 35 and you know what it says. Vindication. The number 35 means vindication, but it doesn't stop there it. It means to gain hope, confidence, and trust. UGH!!!! Daddy just mess me all the way up. Then Daddy speaks:

"Daughter you think that in the last 5 years I have been silently listen to you pour out your heart with tears in your eyes while you pour out your soul all at the same time. Do you think I enjoy your pity parties, your doubt in me because I am not moving in your timing? Do you think I would forsake my word that says that I will never leave you or forsake you to make a point? Do you think that's the kind of GOD I am....matter of fact do you think that's the kind of Daddy I am?" and with tears in my eyes and my voice shaky I say no.  Then he poured out this revelation on why chapter 35 is hard for me to accept. Now please for those that are 35 or about to be, this revelation is deep and will cause you to really look at Chapter 35 a different way. For those that aren't in Chapter 35 yet or surpassed it, trust this revelation will still hit home.

"The reason  daughter you find it hard to accept Chapter 35 is because you find it hard to believe I will truly vindicate all those that have done your wrong, devalued you, mistreated you, used you, and abused you.You think I forgot how you poured your heart out about the hurt they cause, and though you have forgiven them, the scares still sometimes hurt to look at. You think I haven't felt your rejection. persecution, or disappointment? You think I did not see how it tore your heart into to watch them leave you in your most vulnerable place just so they can be happy, with the disregard of your feelings? You didn't think I saw how the enemy took pleasure and using your anger, against you? You think I didn't see how the enemy tried to rip you out my arm, make you feel like I didn't love you, or I wasn't there when the hurt become to much for you to bare? When you wanted to end it all because it was too much for you to deal with, for your comprehend, and too much for you to give? I was there looking and watching it all take place.  It hurt me really bad to see you like that. But it was in those moments that I need you to grow, to mature, to trust me, to love, to have hope in me and realize that I got your back. It was in those moments that I sat up in my seat waiting for you to response so that I may get the glory. And daughter there were moments that you failed, but there were also moments where you succeed. In those moments of success is where my glory made a way for your story to be so much greater. It's time that you let me restore. It's time that you trust me and have confident in this one thing....You will see my goodness. You will experience my joy... I have not forgotten about you. You are  still  worth the work of the cross... you are still worth the breath that I breathe into your lungs everyday. You are worth more to me than the life I created in you. You are the apple of my eye and you are wonderfully made in my image and there is nothing you or anyone on this earth I made that can take away that value. So please gather the decorations from your pity party  and throw them in the trash, for I am your Daddy and you are so ready for your vindication."

Now this message may seem personal and to a certain point it is, but know that it is also
meant as a reminder that you are worth it all. Everything Daddy  has for you is worth your wait, time, and trust in HIM. Never allow your timing to become a weight on your waiting that you miss your moment to experience GOD's glory.

Prayer: Daddy you  are more than life to us. There are not enough words in our vocabulary that can express the gratitude of our hearts. You give us freedom when we are bound by sin, you give us life when death had the right to call us his, and you give us joy when we abused your grace. Thank you Daddy for always giving us another change to get  right. For us to throw away our pity party decorations and put on the gladness of your joy, the full armor of you for war, and your peace that surpasses our understanding. Thank you for your perfect timing and the ability to give us the desire of our hearts, because we live in your heart desires. In Jesus Name...AMEN