I Can't Handle This!!!

Daddy on yesterday I got news that a friend that I love dearly was diagnosed with cancer. Daddy he is only in his 30's and so young and active. I just saw him two months ago and though he wasn't in his great happy moods he was in a good one. Daddy this is the fourth friend I have battling a disease that can cause them to die. I can't handle this. Seeing my friends how are my age struggling with illness they didn't even ask for. I can't handle the hospital visits any more or wondering will I be receiving the phone call that one of my friends has joined you in the heavenly sky. I can't Daddy!!! I Can't!!! Daughter... Daughter calm down. I hear your heart and not just your I can't! I understand that to see someone you love suffer in such a painful way with life schedule around drug dosage is hard for you. To know that they have to be in the hospital for long periods of times, or even in and out of the hospital for long periods of time is hard for you. To visit them and see the tubes, needles, vital signs, and lack of energy they have and weakness they display. I hate when my children have sick love ones. I do and I hate it worse when they pray for total healing and I take the love with me, and they are mad, angry, disappointed, and create a harden heart for me. I am. But here is what I need you to know this season for your friends is to build their faith and in me. To trust me. To let me do me! This season for you is the same. I know it hurts that I don't dismiss. But I told you in my word that you have the power to do greater works that my son did while he was there on earth. Now healing will not always take form the way you picture it. Sometimes my healing is to give them total rest in me. That means taking them from the earth and placing them in my presence permanently. Other times it means healing them right then and there to show someone that is by them that I am real. This is not about you or them. This is about me and in the end I will get the glory. I know that sounds selfish, but it's not daughter trust me. I do things that your mind will never understand. My plans always work out perfect even if you don't see the perfection of them. So start planning for the victory, shout for the healing, for I am about to manifest greatness in the mist of pain. I will create peace, in the mist of grief, and I will love you  and them through it. You are my Daughter what concerns your heart concerns me. I know that this is not easy for you and you feel you can't handle this, but daughter you can. I will NEVER put to much on you that I have not already prepared you to bear. I know you don't believe right now but I have equipped you for this moment. So daughter know this do you still think you can't handle this? Daddy, I am still a little shakey and I hear what you are saying. I know you have ever failed me and there is nothing to hard for you. I know that you delight in my heart desires. That you are a GOD of love, and you only want the best for your children and that your plan is perfect... But to see them go through hurts. Well Daughter don't hurt their going through is building them for my perfect plan. .... Daddy can you change my eyesight then? Because all I see is the pain for their illness. ... Yes daughter, for you I will do any thing. When I change your eyesight you will see the healing that will manifest. Don't look the outside. Look at what I am doing in the inside. See your flesh want's flesh manifested healing, well that's not true healing.Total healing comes when I am able to heal you from the inside out. If I heal your flesh and never your heart, you will end up back where you start. So daughter know that as you pray for your friends, like I know you will... for their healing... and total restoration....Know that I am healing them from the inside out...Know that total restoration is not allowing them to remain here on earth, but allowing them to rest in my arms. So when that day comes... and it will... Know that I will and would have prepared you for it. I love you daughter I will await your.... I can handle this!!! Because you can handle this, this is not big, this is just a season of trusting me more and focusing on who I am not what I can do. I love you daughter! I love you too Daddy.... I will be waiting... Ok

A Convicted Heart

Daddy at Bible Study the other night I got convicted about my heart. I found myself dealing with issues of things that I had prayed for, but the reaction to the manifestation of those things seem to yield a heart of ungratefulness. Daddy how did I get here. How did I get to a place where my heart has been tainted so that I become so ungrateful for the things I cried out to you about. Daddy Help me! Daughter you need help with your heart. How did you get here? You got here because you forgot how to use your prayers for my glory. I don't give you what you ask for, that you may use it for your glory and your purpose, I give you what you prayed for that I may be glorified. Well Daddy how do I get out of this. How do I get back to a place where my heart is ungrateful? Daddy before you answer that can I talk about another part of my heart. The part that responds to the provoking. The part that speak before thing that makes you become distant in your presence. Daughter, Daughter everything dealing with your heart can be solved by one example the example of the one that won it... My son David. Despite his response from provoking situations he was truly a man of my heart. Take heed to the words and prayer of his heart in Psalms 51:1-17:

 1 Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. 3 For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. 4 Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight; so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. 5  Surely I was sinful at birth,  sinful from the time my mother conceived me.6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb; you taught me wisdom in that secret place. 7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.9 Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. 10 Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.11 Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways so that sinners will turn back to you. 14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God you who are God my Savior, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.15 Open my lips, Lord,and my mouth will declare your praise.16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

Daughter David got what I need from you and what your heart should look like. He realized the conviction that his heart had brought and how it displease me. Once you realize that your heart is the one thing that I want to win then you will not be easily be provoked by what this world has to over, spoke, or even presents to you. The words and actions of people will not offend your heart to reaction. You will understand that my love the unconditional love that I show to you will be able to give you the strength to respond in love and not in negative action. Daughter give me your heart, I will allow the conviction that you feel to be that of healing and not of disappointment. All I ever want is your broken spirit and a contrite heart that I can draw nigh to you. Daddy I get it! I understand that my heart is more value to you than even my life. Because life flows out my heart... The manifestation of my words, the willingness to be obedient to you, my purpose, my ability to be accessible to you is all in the ability to give you all of me... All of me is found in the heart of me. Daughter you got it... You realize that your heart is the foundation of how I operate in your. Your heart is the foundation of our relationship and once I capture that, I captured all of you.... Once you yield your heart to me, you only pursue the things of me. Daddy today I give you my heart. I know that this is something that I will have to do daily in order for you to use me. I lay on the alter of sacrifice to be the offering that you ask for and to yield only to your voice and instruction. Daughter I know this will not be an easy task, but one that will win my heart, usher you into my presence, hear my clearly, and open your eyes to the true purpose of your life. I love you daughter and I am so excited to accept your heart. Know that you are always on the forefront of my mind and my heart is always in love with you. Daddy thank you. No daughter, thank you!