I am Over It

Daddy, I am over it! The heartache, the frustration, the cycles, the relationships, the rollercoaster ride of emotions, the debt, the worry, the stress, the fear, the disappointment, the failures, setbacks, and setups. I AM OVER IT!!!
This is the conversation that I had a few days ago with Daddy as I sat in my living room crying and stressing over the bill collectors calling me, worrying about how I am going to pay, this and that. This is the mindset I had when I thought about the investment I poured into so many relationships and friendships. This is even the mindset I had when it came to church too. I was OVER IT!!!

Have you ever been there? To the point, you were over everything that affected your life in such a negative way? I mean to the point you even contemplated taking your life? Well, that was me. Yep, this is a transparent moment. One that I think plenty people have but are ashamed to admit. I mean who wants to be in the position of showing that they trust GOD and then turning around and saying life is not worth living anymore?

This is probably going to be a real transparent moment for me because I have not told anyone, but you, my readers this.  I have been keeping these things bottled, masked, and hidden. I mean I am a licensed therapist and minister, how does it sound and look for me to be speaking or thinking suicidal thoughts? But, there I was only a week ago in my living room trying to Netflix and chill and these were my thoughts.

But, guess what? The same things that I just told Daddy that I was over, are the same things that He was trying to use to get me to my next. UGH!! Don't you hate it when Daddy uses the things you hate to get you to your next? How He uses issues, situations, circumstances, and failure to show you how to grow. To birth out new assignments, ideas, and gifts? How He takes your constant complaining and creates a moment for you to experience His glory and presence?

I hate it, but it's in those same moments that I realize how much GOD is  I AM! I AM is over it, and I AM is in it. He takes over and uses His strength to create new beginnings for us to be in Him and over IT ... The IT is us. We are the IT!!! I mean the IT is our.....will, word, and way.  It is our ability and desires to want to operate in our strength, mindset, and emotions.

But how do we get over the IT? By allowing Daddy to be it. I was reminded of the game tag. How the object of the game when being IT, is to tag as many people as you can before they get to the base. That's what Daddy wants to do. He wants to tag as many of your problems before they get to the base of your mind and you feel defeated instead of victorious.  That's why I John 5:4 says "for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith".
So today do me a favor join me in playing a game of tag. Let your problems run but allow Daddy to be IT!

Prayer: Daddy, thank you that you have already told us that you will handle all that concerns us. We thank you that even when it seems like our problems are weighing us down to the point we want to give up on life, we will tag you and allow you to be it. You are the source of our strength and everything that we need to get through every moment of our lives. We thank you for being IT. In JESUS name. Amen!

The Blow of Faith

This week is my first week in my new position in full time ministry. Though my plan has not gone  quite how I wanted I can say this move has granted me peace despite the pay cut. But what really got me was a conversation that the Holy Spirit brought to me that the enemy was trying to use to blow my faith. Yes readers this blog entry has a two part meaning because that's just how Daddy works. He works in parts and process and this little lesson is both.

There is something about growth that causes you to get to a place were you want  and need to express the doubts of your heart while exposing the the weaknesses of your faith and this is one of those moments. After saying YES to GOD one always wonders what that YES truly means. Does it mean the Matthew 6:33 Yes which states "I will seek first the kingdom of GOD and all his righteousness."? Or maybe it's the Proverbs 3:5-6 "Leaning not to your own understand, acknowledge him and he will direct your path." Or last maybe Phil 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing but through prayer and thanksgiving make your request know." Can I tell you it's all of that. A Yes to Daddy is the blowing of your faith. It will have you seeking the kingdom while your bill collectors are calling you talking about law suites. It will give you peace when you do not know when and were you will get the money to pay your rent, but you know that your Daddy is covering you so you give thanks any how. It is leaning not on your own understand and asking the Holy Spirit to guide you because clearly you are not aware of where you are going. That's what a  Blow of a Faithful YES looks like .It will cause your faith to blow in  directions beyond your strength and ask yourself "Why didn't I do this sooner.?"

But in that same moment of revelation, we can find ourselves  having our faith blowing by thoughts of negativity. Thoughts that make us question is this really GOD lead or self want. GOD was I suppose to go into ministry full time? Was I suppose to be doing this, that, or the other? Yep, that great yes can make the enemy place thoughts in your head that could blow your faith. But aren't you glad that our Daddy is stronger? Because just when the enemy feels like he has us in a place where our faith will be blown into pieces, GOD reminds us  that we have purpose, that we are destine to GREATER works, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and He has not forgotten about us. WHAT A GREAT DADDY!!!

So today no matter what part of the process you are in.... The part where you just gave your best YES or the part where you wondering why you said YES in the first place, know that DADDY is about to blow your faith. The winds of the enemy has nothing on DADDY. It may feel that enemy's winds are stronger, faster, heavy, and destructive, but let me give you the heads ups, it's just smoke and mirrors, in other words do not get caught in the illusion.

Prayer: Daddy today I blow my faith towards you no matter the cost. I realize that the enemy has tactics that can make my YES to you feel like a doubtful move of waiving faith, but it really just a trick to get me off the promises of the YES and AMEN that you spoke into my life before I was formed in my mother's womb. So today Daddy I repent. I repent  for allowing the illusions of Satan's tactics to get me in a place where I doubted your guidance, provision, process, love, and grace. I repent for not seeking Your kingdom first while you take care of my needs. Thank you Daddy for another chance to get my faith blown in the direction of Your will for my life. I thank you on this day I realize that this is a process and I am willing to go all the way because you will guide my every step with your light. In Jesus Name AMEN!

I Want to Change

Roman 12:2 (ERV) Don’t change yourselves to be like the people of this world, but let God change you inside with a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to understand and accept what God wants for you. You will be able to know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect. 
I don't know about you, but when change is in my vocabulary I always seek to change based on the world standards than Daddy's standards. I know... I know as a Daughter of Daddy shouldn't I seek his standards first. Of course! When I change or measure my change based on the world standards they never last long. I mean think about about many New Resolutions  you made   or even think about the habits you wanted to change based upon world measurements...How long did they last? Yeah mines didn't last that long either, or they have last but with little slip ups here and there. But when I realize that the change I wanted  to make could not be successful based on the measurements  of the world that's when I got the revelation that change must come from Daddy. Daddy has to be our measurement of how we change and he even gives us a formula on how to change to his standards and not the worlds. The formula is "LET GOD." That seems simple I am sure, but is it truly? Let's examine the words "LET GOD" this simply means that we take our will and surrender it to GOD. Our bodies become willing vessels to the actions, thoughts, and obedience to Daddy's word. We transform from a selfish mindset to a selfless one. We surrender what is even in our control to the submission of GOD's control daily. So is it simple?!? YES! Is it easy?!? NO. Because Paul reminds that daily we will have a battle of flesh vs. spirit. Paul says"  that the things we shouldn't do we find ourselves doing, but the things that we should do we have a hard time doing. Then he says we have to die daily from our flesh and pick up the mantel of the spirit of GOD. The more I think about change based on the WORD alone it seems impossible. But nothing is impossible in Daddy and that's why he tells us in Romans to LET HIM. If we try to change based on our own ability we would be messed up. But because our Daddy is great and he is the creator of all things, he can cause change to happen in a matter of seconds. 

Prayer:  Daddy today we come to you yielding ourselves to your change. We know that change with our ability will cause destruction in our lives, but change in You causes success and victory. Daddy we surrender all. We surrender our life, that we may live for you and be use for  your glory. We surrender our hearts that we can love like you even when we are hurt by those that seem not to want or know how to love us back or know the right way to love us. We surrender our mouth, that our lips can only speak the life giving words of your word, only bring love, peace, joy, and encouragement to others. Daddy change us that we may be the city on the hill that  shining so others may see, know, and experience your glory. In Jesus Name. AMEN!!

Session 2 The Past: To deal, To forgive, Move on, To heal

The past can really be the biggest issues of who we are, how function, and how we see things in the future. I mean think about it. Our past turns us from virgins to experienced people; from lovers to haters; and my favorite from those who gives everyone a fair chance to the person that compares everyone to the last bad experience and the person they had it with. Our past can powerful or powerless, but the level of power is up to us. This weekend I dealt with my past. I mean a part of my past that I never dealt, just let go off. This past had some good moments, but mostly bad ones. This past was called "ex." Yeah we all have them ex friends, ex lovers, ex crushes, ex boyfriend/girlfriends, and ex whatever... Well mines were ex boyfriend and ex sex partner. The worst thing to run into when you are trying to make a current relationship work. Running into an ex boyfriend/girlfriend will cause you to second guess you, because they know you, they know the power and titles they use to have. They know how to play on your weak points especially if sex was involved. Exes like that can say one thing that will cause you to flashback and rethink why you all are not together. Now with that one trigger, you seating there sad, disappointed, and asking yourself questions you know the answers to. Questions like: why aren't we together? Why wasn't I good enough? What did I do? These questions lead to emotions that can cause doubt, depression, uncomfortable, and second guessing whose you are. Exes are powerful as you can see; but I realized in dealing with them that they are only as powerful as I or you make them. So back to my weekend. I had the pleasure (yeah, I said pleasure.. being funny actually) to speak with an ex who say he was texting because I had been heavy on his heart and mind. I was so heavy on his mind that he found me on twitter since I am no longer on facebook. I got two messages, I need to talk to you and call me. I called him just to see what was going on and when I did something came over me. I me something I never felt before when it came to this ex. (Brief histroy about this ex: he lied, it hurt, he tried to make up with truth, it was too late, tried it again to prove a point, point prove, and just now in the place of forgiveness. Hope that was brief enough) Any way this ex had really did some damage and though "I thought" I had forgave and forgotten, something in my present marriage told and said other wise. That's why I was so glad GOD and I was in a place that he was healing this area when he contacted me should I say when I contacted him. Though he asked me many questions I was able to answer them and tell him how I truly felt about our relationship and him. After that I was able to truly let go. No looking back, no "I should have said that," and no thinking why aren't we married? As far has the ex sex partner, I spoke and laugh. I realized I was foolish, young, and daring when did and, I am older, wiser, and over it now and so is he. So we hugged, laughed, did some community service, and moved on. I shared all this to say, there is so much you can do with your past, You can live in it as your present, dwell in it as your failure, deal with it selectively, or forgive it, move forward, and realize that the hurt from it is healed.  So whatever you choose know that the health choice is that to forgive, heal, and realize healing will be more productive than trying to figure out the why, how, what, and where of your past you can return to in order to not feel the aftermath of it in your present. Everything is necessary, yes even your past and the people in it.