Selfish Heart

What a transparent moment this blog will be as I had a come to Jesus meeting with myself. Over the past couple of months during this transition of moving out the secular world of working into ministry, I have really been examining me. How I talk...Think.. See others... Respond to others... Just my heart. I prayed the dangerous prayer found in Psalm 139:23 "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." That prayer alone has revealed my selfish heart. A heart that did not realize how brokenhearted I was... that I had projected it onto others. A heart that was willing to judge others before look at self. A heart that desired what she wanted when she wanted it, without asking Daddy what He wanted for me.

This has been a tough pill to swallow. Because this whole time I have made it my goal to pursue Daddy in a way I never pursue Him before. I feel so defeated and disappointed in myself. I feel like what is the use of the Christian journey if this is going to be the end result of my efforts of getting close to Daddy. But, here is the thing this is where the enemy wants me.  Question have you ever felt like where I am? Have you ever felt doubtful, hopeless, and discourage in your pursuit to seek Daddy? Have you ever felt like it wasn't worth it? Can I tell you something that has really saved me from feeling guilty and unworthy of Daddy's presence and love (because those are the emotions that I felt when I realize this was my heart), His grace and mercy is new daily!!! I know that seems so simple but not good enough. I know it seems like there should be more to help with a selfish heart. But after realizing how selfish I was.  I heard the Holy Spirit say " His grace is sufficient." ( 2 Corinthians 12:9).

How awesome is our Daddy, that He knew that one day we would make time to pray the prayer, asking him to search our hearts and finding out the selfishness that was in it... that He put a clause in place that would cover us. His grace covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

In all of this, I never thought that I would feel free as I feel now. I am in a place where I know there are some root issues that I need to deal with. That I need to learn how to apply the fruits of the spirit in a life applicable way. That I have to love in spite of how I feel or what they did. Because Daddy first love me (1 John 4:19), and there is nothing greater than love. (1 Peter 4:8). That His joy is my strength (Psalms 28:8) and in Him can I only find peace. (2 Thessalonians 3:16). That long-suffering create perseverance (Matthew 24:13) and gentleness creates a place of forgiveness (Philippians 4:5).

Goodness creates confidence (Psalms 27:13), faith ties the fruits of the Spirit together creating boldness in you (2 Peter 1:5-7). Meekness creates the opportunity for you to gain an inheritance (Matthew 5:5) and self-control keeps you out of trouble (Proverbs 21:23).

Today I challenge us to not meditate on the selfishness of our hearts, but the fact that they can become selfless if we just apply the word of God to our lives.

Prayer:  Daddy, we come to say thank you that your grace is sufficient enough to cover the multitude of sins that our heart creates. Thank you for taking out the time to examine our hearts and not allow us to remain selfish. Thank you that you have allowed the fruits of the Spirit to come in and take over that we may be better sons and daughters. Helps us to remain in a place of faith and examination. That we will not get settled where we are, but we will grow in your light and remain selfless and not selfish. In JESUS  name! Amen

I am Over It

Daddy, I am over it! The heartache, the frustration, the cycles, the relationships, the rollercoaster ride of emotions, the debt, the worry, the stress, the fear, the disappointment, the failures, setbacks, and setups. I AM OVER IT!!!
This is the conversation that I had a few days ago with Daddy as I sat in my living room crying and stressing over the bill collectors calling me, worrying about how I am going to pay, this and that. This is the mindset I had when I thought about the investment I poured into so many relationships and friendships. This is even the mindset I had when it came to church too. I was OVER IT!!!

Have you ever been there? To the point, you were over everything that affected your life in such a negative way? I mean to the point you even contemplated taking your life? Well, that was me. Yep, this is a transparent moment. One that I think plenty people have but are ashamed to admit. I mean who wants to be in the position of showing that they trust GOD and then turning around and saying life is not worth living anymore?

This is probably going to be a real transparent moment for me because I have not told anyone, but you, my readers this.  I have been keeping these things bottled, masked, and hidden. I mean I am a licensed therapist and minister, how does it sound and look for me to be speaking or thinking suicidal thoughts? But, there I was only a week ago in my living room trying to Netflix and chill and these were my thoughts.

But, guess what? The same things that I just told Daddy that I was over, are the same things that He was trying to use to get me to my next. UGH!! Don't you hate it when Daddy uses the things you hate to get you to your next? How He uses issues, situations, circumstances, and failure to show you how to grow. To birth out new assignments, ideas, and gifts? How He takes your constant complaining and creates a moment for you to experience His glory and presence?

I hate it, but it's in those same moments that I realize how much GOD is  I AM! I AM is over it, and I AM is in it. He takes over and uses His strength to create new beginnings for us to be in Him and over IT ... The IT is us. We are the IT!!! I mean the IT is our.....will, word, and way.  It is our ability and desires to want to operate in our strength, mindset, and emotions.

But how do we get over the IT? By allowing Daddy to be it. I was reminded of the game tag. How the object of the game when being IT, is to tag as many people as you can before they get to the base. That's what Daddy wants to do. He wants to tag as many of your problems before they get to the base of your mind and you feel defeated instead of victorious.  That's why I John 5:4 says "for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith".
So today do me a favor join me in playing a game of tag. Let your problems run but allow Daddy to be IT!

Prayer: Daddy, thank you that you have already told us that you will handle all that concerns us. We thank you that even when it seems like our problems are weighing us down to the point we want to give up on life, we will tag you and allow you to be it. You are the source of our strength and everything that we need to get through every moment of our lives. We thank you for being IT. In JESUS name. Amen!

Dangerous Prayer Part:2

Last week I talked about the dangerous prayer that I prayed concerning being a demand in the earth. This week I am going to talk about the most dangerous prayer that I have prayed. It has caused me to be all in my emotions and respond to life differently. Last week sometime I prayed this simple prayer found in Psalms 139:23 "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts".

Yep, that's the prayer that I prayed. Dangerous I know...but, I am sure some are wondering why it is so dangerous prayers? Well, it is dangerous for 5 reasons.

1. It tells Daddy that you are ready for Him to have total control of the thing that you function from... your heart.
2. You recognize that He knows, even the things that don't line up with His word, will, and way.
3. You ask Him to test you... Let me say that again... You are asking Daddy to test you. That means you are telling Him... Daddy, I may not be ready for the test, but because I trust you, test me.
4. You are telling Daddy to help you identify the things that have caused you to become unfocused, doubtful, and fearful.
5. You are asking Daddy to be a mind regulator for you and do surgery on your heart. 

If those things aren't dangerous, I don't know what is.  But, today can I encourage, motivate, and push you to make this a prayer that you pray. Not just once but daily. Because let's be honest... When we remove things from our heart, we can add things back in it that aren't good and line up in accordance to Daddy's will for our lives. The prayer may be dangerous but it is effective and one that will cause you to grow.

Let's pray...

Prayer:  Daddy, today we come to you praying this simple and effective prayer. Search us! Search our hearts. That all the brokenness in it is revealed to us, and we may come to a place of forgiveness for ourselves and others. Search our minds. That every thought that has caused us to not trust You fully is destroyed and uprooted, so we can have the mind of Christ. We thank you, Daddy, that we fully surrender all of us to you. In JESUS name...AMEN!!!

Demand In The Earth, Dangerous Prayer (Part 1)

So, last week I told you about my transition and this week can I tell you about my dangerous prayer?
Ok, I know you are like a dangerous prayer... Yep, a prayer so dangerous that you are scared to even pray it because the consequences are so great and the process may feel unbearable. A prayer that comes with life-changing results and a stretch, tug, and pulls on your purpose and next. With all that being said and explained, let me tell you my dangerous prayer...

I was with one of my favorite sisters and she was on the phone with someone talking about the service that she offered through her company that she is the founder and CEO of.  (She is an international educator. She teaches all over the world and helps parents in and outside of the US become better educators for their children) As she continued her call I realize how much a demand my sister and her services were in the earth. I told her, "Sis you are truly a demand in the earth"...That's when the dangerous prayer entered my spirit and came out my mouth... "Lord I want to be a demand in the earth". I didn't realize it was a dangerous prayer until three days later when I got an email saying... "Hey girl, I have been looking for you!" 72 hours after praying, GOD the manifestation of my words became my reality. So, I knew what I prayed had to be dangerous due to the quick turn around that took place.  A week after getting the email, I was on a call with another sister who told me, "Sis, I am glad you called me I need you to pray about your participation in a conference that I am having in October." Look, let me tell you all something when I prayed that prayer, I was not really expecting results. OOOOOOO... Pause...Stop, back that up... "I said when I prayed the prayer I was not really expecting results". How many times do we pray prayers without the expectation of seeing them manifest? I'll wait, while you think of the many times you said prayers that you thought would take forever or never to manifest.

Let's be real for a moment, we pray some prayers and expect GOD to do them right away, but there are times that we pray and before we say AMEN, we already thinking GOD ain't about to do that for real.  But, we continue to pray the dangerous prayers not realizing the setup that we are creating for ourselves.

I know you are wondering what am I trying to tell you. Am I encouraging you to pray these dangerous prayers? Am I warning you about these dangerous prayers?  What am I telling you? I'm telling you both. I want to encourage you to pray these prayers, but be aware of what comes with them. Be ready to deal with the consequences or should I say the demand that will come with them. You will be the one that people seek out. You will be the missing piece of the puzzle. You will be the one that creates a demand on someone else. Do me a favor take time right now to pray your dangerous prayer (don't read another line until you do). All it takes is one time, and that one time will cause you to pray more dangerous prayers.

Prayer: Daddy thank you for making us aware of the impact we can have on the earth if we are bold enough to pray dangerous prayers. Thank you for letting us know that we can be a demand in the earth, that you have purposed us to be a blessing to others, and create moments where you can move and breath life in situations. Thank you for allowing us to be what the earth needs for your glory. Thank that today we open our mouths with a heart of anticipation to speak the dangerous prayers that are needed for your victory to be seen. In JESUS name... AMEN!

The Transistion

I know it's been a while and I do apologize. I am realizing that in order for this thing to really work you all need to hear from me.  So today you, my readers are my accountability partners. That's right I have given you the task to email me at: shawndrikaLcook@gmail.com if you aren't getting a blog once a week. See we must realize that we are meant to do life alone, and sometimes strangers, people we don't know are for us will hold us accountable. So welcome ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNERS!

With that being said let's talk about transition! So for the past 4 months, I have been in a place of total transition. I went from working a full 8-5 in my field, to leaving there and doing ministry full time!! Yep, ministry FULL TIME!!!  Now I know you are wondering what causes me to make this move. I mean I just passed my licensure examine only a year ago, I have not been a private practice therapist at all, and now I am in ministry. To answer the question of why, is simple, obedience. But, in my obedience, the walk and the focus of my next has been hard.  I find myself feeling lost, confused, out of place, ill-prepared,  hopeless, distraught, and discourage. Any negative feelings that a human being can express... This girl expressed them and more. I know you are wondering why did you experience all these negative emotions. I mean you were being obedient right? Well, here is the thing with obedience comes sacrifice, thought 1 Samuel 15:22  states, "Obedience is better than sacrifice".  There is a sacrifice that comes with obedience. Maybe I shouldn't say a sacrifice, there is a surrendering that comes with it. To some that surrendering position can feel like a sacrifice. I mean give up everything you know just to be submerged into something you know nothing about. 

So, here I am in the 5th month of the transition and I am stuck! Yep, stuck like a truck in the mud. I am not writing this blog from a place of overcoming this time. This time I am writing to you while the process is still going. While I am still in the place of getting to the prize or the next that GOD has called me to. I am in that,  "I have to more trust GOD moments", rather than "I will figure something out moments". I'm at a place where I need the manifestation whether than being on ok with waiting for the manifestation.

I know someone who is reading this is wondering why am I telling the story as it is happening? Well. it's because you need to know the process of transitioning. When you are in a place where the transition is not by choice, but assignment there are certain things you can't control or deal with because you truly trust Daddy to guide your every step. For instance, I can't control the demands that my assignment has on my life. I took a $2500 pay cut, yet I have not wanted for anything for real. I have tried to apply for a second job with the conviction that I couldn't because of the demands of this assignment.

Why tell you the now of my transition for real?!? Because you need to know that transition is worth it!!! It's worth leaving something that you do know for something you don't know. It's worth moving beyond you to get to Daddy. It's worth the process... OOOOOO!!! That's a word PROCESS!!! The process will be the foundation of your transition. How you see your process will determine how long you will stay in your transition. If you see your process as a burden, then your transition will last longer, because you are not able to receive the benefits of the process. But, if you see the process as a purpose, that it pushes you to your next, stretches you to another level in GOD, and betters your faith and trust in Daddy. Then the transition will be short and one that you can talk about as part of your testimony. Let me say this I don't care what kind of transition you experience good or bad, no one likes the discomfort that comes with it. No one likes being in limbo where you aren't sure what's going on, but you know where you are going. No one likes looking at the preview of their promise and wondering when they will get there. These are the feelings of transition.

Today, I want to encourage someone to keep pressing in their transition!!! Keep enjoying the process no matter how uncomfortable it gets. Remember this transition is not about you, but about those who are looking at you. You are the only manifestation of GOD they may see! This is about your legacy, your future, your next...DON'T FORFEIT IT!!!

Prayer: Daddy transition is not easy. It can be uncomfortable and stressful if we don't allow You to guide us. Today we say guide us!!! Open our ears to your instructions. Open our minds to the thoughts that you have towards us. Remind us that your thoughts towards us are good and they have the outcome of your perfection. Open our eyes that we don't see things in the natural but in the spirit. Let us see the manifestation of the prayer that the Prophet Elisha prayed for his servant in 2 Kings 6:17, where he said: "LORD open his eyes so he can see". Daddy open our eyes so we can see. Let us see your hand of protection and provision on us. Let us see your wisdom, knowledge, and understand. Let us see that your plan is great than our process. Daddy, help us with our words. Help us speak the words that line up with your will, word, and way. Let us not get so frustrated in this transition that we forget the power of our tongue. That we speak life when we feel like death is trying to overtake us. We respond to situations and people with a soft answer. Daddy, be our Jehovah Shalom and let us experience your peace like never before. Be Jehovah Jierha so we can know that you will provide and meet our needs and wants. Daddy, we thank you that we will be the examples we need to be during this time of transition. In JESUS name AMEN!!!

The Stretch

I know it's been a while, but I have a good excuse... I've been stretching and the stretch has not been easy. So let me tell you what this looks like and why the stretch has been one for the record books. Last year I  talked to Daddy about my next. I had a conversation about what to do now that I was finished with school and I was in a high leadership position. For a while, I didn't hear anything. I keep praying and being silent, but nothing. One day an event at work happen and it causes me to really feel like it was time for me to go, I prayed and this time Daddy gave me an answer. He told me a date that I would need to turn in my resignation and where to go afterward. Now it was where he told me to go afterward that had me kind of shook. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. He said: "It's time for you to trust me fully, and do what I have equipped you to do. It's time that you go and do ministry at your church". After hearing this I spoke with my pastors to see what we need to do, to get me set up for the transition. They were so excited and felt like this was the best time to do so. I, on the other hand, was feeling some kind of way, but I knew what GOD said so I was in an " I trust GOD mindset".  So long story short I resigned from my job and working for my church full time as the senior pastor's assistant and mental health consultant. I have taken a $1400 pay cut, but nothing in my house has lack... NOTHING!!!

I know you are wondering what is the stretch. The stretch is letting GOD be GOD. How can we name Him provider and not give me the opportunity to actually provide? How can we call Him healer and not allow Him to heal us? How can we say we have victory in Him, but never give Him the opportunity to win the wars and battles that life throws at us? This is the stretch... Letting Daddy be all he says he can, will, and has been. Allowing Him to be everything we need when we need it as we continue to be obedient to all his instructions.

Let me say this... THIS HAS NOT BEEN EASY!!! I have tried to get another job, sought out ways to earn extra income, make my own plans, but GOD has blocked and convicted me of it all.  This stretch has really reminded me of  Jeremiah 29:11 where Daddy says: "I know the plans I have for your life, plans to prosper you, not to harm you."  In this stretch, it doesn't seem like the plan looks prosperous. It kind of feels like Daddy has brought me in the middle of the ocean and said now, swim. No direction, no guidance, only the action of doing what he said. Let me say this I thought that swimming in the ocean would be hard, but can I tell you I have been floating like a fish.

The stretch has taught 5 things... (If you don't know I love the number 5, it's the number of Grace):

1. Learn how to be comfortable being uncomfortable.

2. The weight may seem unbearable, but the wait is worth the process.

3. Remind Daddy of his word and promises. Daddy sees your heart, but HE responses to his word. He said that his word will not return to him void, so speak what he already said and watch him work.

4. Stay focus. When you are being obedient you may feel like you need to explain yourself, but there's not needed when you trust Daddy... Which brings me to number 5.

5. TRUST DADDY!!! When I tell you that Daddy has met needs before I even ask...He has. It can be as simple as lunch to money. I have never been a place where I've never seen His word manifest so quickly. But because I was obedient and I speak His word even in the midst of distractions, I have seen Him come through for me like never before.

Prayer: Father right now we thank you that you have already given us an example of the effects of what relentless faith looks like. We thank you that greatness is in us and though we may never see the whole promise we are grateful for the position to see pieces of the promise. We will pursue you like it is our last time, and seek your face over your hand. In the Name of JESUS... AMEN

The Blow of Faith

This week is my first week in my new position in full time ministry. Though my plan has not gone  quite how I wanted I can say this move has granted me peace despite the pay cut. But what really got me was a conversation that the Holy Spirit brought to me that the enemy was trying to use to blow my faith. Yes readers this blog entry has a two part meaning because that's just how Daddy works. He works in parts and process and this little lesson is both.

There is something about growth that causes you to get to a place were you want  and need to express the doubts of your heart while exposing the the weaknesses of your faith and this is one of those moments. After saying YES to GOD one always wonders what that YES truly means. Does it mean the Matthew 6:33 Yes which states "I will seek first the kingdom of GOD and all his righteousness."? Or maybe it's the Proverbs 3:5-6 "Leaning not to your own understand, acknowledge him and he will direct your path." Or last maybe Phil 4:6 "Be anxious for nothing but through prayer and thanksgiving make your request know." Can I tell you it's all of that. A Yes to Daddy is the blowing of your faith. It will have you seeking the kingdom while your bill collectors are calling you talking about law suites. It will give you peace when you do not know when and were you will get the money to pay your rent, but you know that your Daddy is covering you so you give thanks any how. It is leaning not on your own understand and asking the Holy Spirit to guide you because clearly you are not aware of where you are going. That's what a  Blow of a Faithful YES looks like .It will cause your faith to blow in  directions beyond your strength and ask yourself "Why didn't I do this sooner.?"

But in that same moment of revelation, we can find ourselves  having our faith blowing by thoughts of negativity. Thoughts that make us question is this really GOD lead or self want. GOD was I suppose to go into ministry full time? Was I suppose to be doing this, that, or the other? Yep, that great yes can make the enemy place thoughts in your head that could blow your faith. But aren't you glad that our Daddy is stronger? Because just when the enemy feels like he has us in a place where our faith will be blown into pieces, GOD reminds us  that we have purpose, that we are destine to GREATER works, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and He has not forgotten about us. WHAT A GREAT DADDY!!!

So today no matter what part of the process you are in.... The part where you just gave your best YES or the part where you wondering why you said YES in the first place, know that DADDY is about to blow your faith. The winds of the enemy has nothing on DADDY. It may feel that enemy's winds are stronger, faster, heavy, and destructive, but let me give you the heads ups, it's just smoke and mirrors, in other words do not get caught in the illusion.

Prayer: Daddy today I blow my faith towards you no matter the cost. I realize that the enemy has tactics that can make my YES to you feel like a doubtful move of waiving faith, but it really just a trick to get me off the promises of the YES and AMEN that you spoke into my life before I was formed in my mother's womb. So today Daddy I repent. I repent  for allowing the illusions of Satan's tactics to get me in a place where I doubted your guidance, provision, process, love, and grace. I repent for not seeking Your kingdom first while you take care of my needs. Thank you Daddy for another chance to get my faith blown in the direction of Your will for my life. I thank you on this day I realize that this is a process and I am willing to go all the way because you will guide my every step with your light. In Jesus Name AMEN!

Gut Punched

So today during my prayer time GOD checked me about my words and how I see myself. Now remind you that I was not praying for me at all. I had completed my intercession for those that I need to pray for and had read my devotion for the morning. I have purposely been making a conscience effort to be silent after prayer, because I told Daddy I wanted to hear from him. I wanted to start really making my prayer time the two way conversation it should be.

So as I laid there in silence, tempted to speak. I heard God say this "Humility is not denying your gift, ability, or beauty by dumbing them down. Humility is being in a place of acknowledging that I gave you those things and thanking me for them and sharing them with others. " So let me give you some background. I always deny my greatness.... Always. Let me give you an example... People will say "You are so smart. " I will say I don't feel that way I just think of good ideas that work out some time. See there, I was thinking I was being humble but in actually I'm downing the greatness of God in me.  

I know you wondering where did the gut punch come in... Well, Daddy check me.  He said and I quote "Every time you down grade you,  you down grade me. " Ouch!  " Being thankful and boastful can have a thin line sometimes and I understand why you try to dummy down who you are, but people aren't recognizing you they are recognizing me through you.  So when you get a compliment that's the opportunity to give me glory.  Because to deny anything great in you is like saying Daddy you messed up, you not perfect, you didn't know what you were doing when you created me. " Ouch again.... And there my readers is the gut punch. 

Today I  urge you to check your thoughts of humility.  Are you trying to dummy down who you are so you won't sound boastful? If you answered yes can I tell you that's not good. To be humble and not cross the line of boastfulness, you simply must give Daddy the glory and he will take it from there.

Prayer: Daddy thank you for the gut punches that you give. Thank even in our trying to be right we don't have to deny you to be humble. That Daddy when given a compliment or bring bragged on it's an opportunity for us to give you glory. Thank you Daddy, for those moments and reminding us everything about us is good and perfect because we are a reflection of your image.  In  Jesus Name!  Amen

Welcome to 2018

I would like to welcome you to 2018. You have said your farewells to 2017 and now you have the opportunity to do greater in 2018. Step on faith and move!

The Perfect Good Bye

Today Daddy is kinda hard but easy at the same time. Today I say goodbye to 2017 and welcome 2018 with open arms! Today I come to you, asking your help, in helping me create the perfect goodbye. I feel like 2017 was the roller coaster ride that everyone talked about, but did not expect to be so bad. I mean I started the year with a positive attitude, embracing all changes, taking in all the blessings, and then it hit me. The truth of the year hit me and I realize that this roller coaster ride was not for me. But no matter how much I scream to get off it seemed like it started getting longer and longer to the point I just rode it out. I see that 2017 did not meet my expectations. It created moments where I did not see the reality of your love for me. I even got to the point where I just wanted it all to end. I mean what was 2017 really suppose to be about? Was it suppose to cause me to doubt you, limit my love for you, cause me to feel this moment of selflessness???? Was it suppose to make me cry to the point that my tears became dry? Was it suppose to disappointment this much? What was 2017 supposed to do for me? 

Daughter 2017 was the year I gave you to trust me the most. This year was not about success, favor, or even the blessings. This year was about us, our relationship, and who I am to you in the truth of your reality. I understand that you weren't prepared for all of the consequences of 2017. Whoever is? Who is ever prepared for what they do not know about? Who is ever prepared for the imperfections of my perfect moments? Who is ever prepared for my perfected timing when you are expecting a different box or presentation? Daddy, no one. Right so daughter I will help you with your perfect goodbye because my ways are always perfect and my thoughts towards you are always good. I will help you say goodbye, but before we leave can I help you embrace the hellos of 2017. Ok, Daddy. Say hello to your boldness, your strength, your new faith, your hope, and courage to come out of your comfort zone. Say hello to the leadership, the pruning, the gains, the love, and the letting go. Say hello to the things you said yes to and the things that got you the moments you were hoping for. Say hello to the new level of my presence and the growth you got to experience. Daddy, I never saw it like that. Well, daughter, it is hard to see my vision out of flesh eyes, but know that there is nothing in 2017 that I created just to make your life a question mark. I created every to bring you to this moment of goodbye. So let's say goodbye to looking back, lacking wisdom, not trusting me, and your broken vision. Let's say goodbye to the insane decisions, the people that left you empty, and the disappointments of your own decisions. Let's say goodbye to what they say, expect, or even wanted from you. Let's say goodbye to the old you! This is my perfect goodbye for you.   Daddy what a perfect goodbye it is.  Daughter, I leave you with this...  Become new in my son, and watch the old things pass away. (2Cor.5:17)

Prayer: Daddy help us to say goodbye to the things that we should not carry into 2018. Help us to embrace the tools produced in 2017, and let go of those things that we have held on for so long from the past years up until now. Let us not get caught in the resolutions of 2018 or the declarations that come with the new year, but let us get caught in your presence and wisdom. Let us grab hold to your word and make it part of our heart.  Let us not get caught up in the process but stand firm in the promises of you. We live this life to please you and hold fast to the things you have called us to. Let us embrace the stretching,  fall in love with your will, enjoy your love, hold on to your peace, and share your joy. Help us to remember we are made new in you through your son Christ Jesus, and that in him we can move forward. In Jesus Name. AMEN!

Declaration of A Daughter

 I speak wholeness in your life now... We will not wait until 2018...you will finish strong... You will face the dark, hidden, and broken place in your life with boldness and walk into your God given calling in his strength. No longer will you down play the greatness in you or settle just to be love. You will prepare for your king like a queen... You are Royalty..... You stand strong because of the intercessors that pray for you. Life will no longer be the same as of today!! It's over... Depression is sent to a dry place no longer keeping you in silent isolation. Joy is your strength, peace is your portion, and love is your life. You will never have to want for anything for the father will, has, and shall supply your needs and you will call him Abba and he will answer yes Daughter... No longer will you wait for moments you will create them with your worship and record them with your praise... You will hear the songs that the Father sings over you and you longer feel unworthy of his love.


In Jesus Name! Amen!

Life Alone

Hey readers!

I  know.... I Know... It's been a while but in 2018 every thing is going to change. I am so excited about the faith leaps that are about to take place. But that's not what this blog is about. Today I want to address an ongoing epidemic that has been going for, forever. The epidemic that causes depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety, rejection, loneliness, self-esteem issues, disappointment, and just doubt. This epidemic is not always talked about nor is it addressed with a solution. As a matter of fact some don't even see it as a problem actually a cure. I know you are wonder what is it.... It's the epidemic that life should be lived alone.

Now let me gone ahead and tell you that this blog is not going to have any correct grammar in it. As a matter of fact I may not even re-read it to add or take away from it, because I want you to hear my heart. I mean the true rawness of my heart.

So I was talking with a sister of mine about how she was doing and feeling. She shared with me that she was feeling anxious because the one year anniversary of her mother's death that was coming up and she did not know if she was ready to deal or handle the emotions that went with the day. As she continue to talk about how she was feeling, I share with her the why behind somethings that happen in September at a sister's house and why I made it a priority to make her birthday extra special. As I disclosed about the situation I ended the conversation with this one statement: "Sis, Daddy never intended for us to live life alone, so you can't do this by yourself." Though she was in agreement with that statement, that statement did something to me. It may realize that we as people (believer or not) have been living life the wrong way. We have made an effort and put great energy into living life alone. When I tell you  that I never thought about how much we put into doing life alone.... Well, let me say I have never thought about how much I try to do life alone until that statement.

I mean think about it.... How many times have we made the statement " I can do it. I got it. Don't worry I will handle it"?  For me, more than I could count and think of . I know you are wondering how did I get the revelation that Daddy did not design us to do life alone. Can I give you two scriptures?
Let's start at the beginning. Genesis 2:18 ¹⁸ The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” I know we see that scripture and automatically think that it applies to marriage, because after that Eve was created. But can I tell you that this does not just apply to marriage but all relationships.  Let me back that statement up with a scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:¹⁰ If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  See Daddy has given us a confirming word that we are not to do life alone. But why are we determine to do the opposite? Why are we so adamant to measure life success through life alone? I can't answer these questions for you, but I can answer them for me and it is the most simple answer. Because the world says life should be done alone. But as believers we have to know that this is not the way that Daddy intended for us to live life, as a matter of fact, for us to live life alone would be going against the will of GOD. Yep I said it. To do life alone is going against the original will of GOD for us to do this thing called life. What if we live life with the idea of including others? What if we live life with the intent to create great relationships? What if we live this simple principle of relationship?  

Today I challenge you to stop living life alone and start living life with the idea of establishing healthy relationship so that we can truly be in the will of GOD. A kingdom is not a kingdom without people and the body is not a body without parts. We must realize that life was never meant to be done alone it was then GOD would have not called us the body of Christ that is made of many parts. The letters that James, Paul, and Peter wrote to the church would not address how they treated one another or how they need to serve one another and others. I can go on and on but you get. Life was not meant to be lived alone. So stop trying to do what the world says is right and truly get back into the grace of GOD by learning how to live life with others.

Prayer: Daddy we thank you that you have not called us to live life alone and that you have purpose us for relationships. Thank you Daddy that though we try to do things on our own that we are more successful doing things together. Daddy help us become more aware of when we are outside of your will and how to get back to where you need us to be. Help become selfless and show ourselves friendly that we can maintain the relationships that you called us to. In Jesus Name! AMEN

Chapter 35

So this is going to be a different blog because I am writing this from a heart of  frustration in the beginning. I know you, my readers are wonder what's going on, what is so different about this blog. Well this blog is different because I am going to throw a great big pity party in the beginning then end it with what you are use to....A Daddy Daughter moment.

So let's get to business shall we... Today I turn 35... I know some are wondering what's the big deal. Well the big deal is at 35 this place that I am at in life is not where I thought I would be. Never thought I would be divorce, unmarried, no kids, lost and confused about my next steps, still learning to trust Daddy with the little things, and wonder where in the heck am I going to do now that all my career goals have been accomplished... So I think. Never would I have thought that I would feel like Daddy was not hearing me or leading me on,  while just being found in another process. Process... Now that's a word that keeps echoing in my spirit, ringing in my ear, and become the one thing I really don't understand, the why behind. I feel like this process has been going on for the last 5 years and I still don't understand when the end is coming. Or even if there is an end.. (If you are wondering if this is my pity party? The answer is simply yes. So pull you up a sit and get you something to drink because the turn up is about to get real) So here I am at Chapter 35 and I am  thinking to myself... Really GOD this is it? This is the chapter of the middle of the road. I am 5 years into my 30's and 5 years away from 40... and I have nothing but heartache to show for it. I am on my facebook page and on my timeline all I see is engagement, babies, wedding... EVERYTHING I have prayed for.... Oh and I haven't just prayed cute prayers for these things, I have fast, rolled on the floor, cried my eyes out, tarried, went into tongues, shouted, and the list goes on and on. But yet the people that barely know you Daddy, or even want to know you.... Get it instantly. I mean they haven't even said a Hello to you, they are the ones with my blessings... (Yep I am at the feed up part of the pity party... just in cause you were wonder) But in all my pity and before the party really gets turnt up... I hear Daddy say this...

Look up the number 35 and tell me what it means in my biblical meaning. I am obedient even in my anger and pity... Yep I am angry because I feel like I have done enough to at least feel like Daddy is working on something, yet I feel nothing. I look up the biblical meaning of 35 and you know what it says. Vindication. The number 35 means vindication, but it doesn't stop there it. It means to gain hope, confidence, and trust. UGH!!!! Daddy just mess me all the way up. Then Daddy speaks:

"Daughter you think that in the last 5 years I have been silently listen to you pour out your heart with tears in your eyes while you pour out your soul all at the same time. Do you think I enjoy your pity parties, your doubt in me because I am not moving in your timing? Do you think I would forsake my word that says that I will never leave you or forsake you to make a point? Do you think that's the kind of GOD I am....matter of fact do you think that's the kind of Daddy I am?" and with tears in my eyes and my voice shaky I say no.  Then he poured out this revelation on why chapter 35 is hard for me to accept. Now please for those that are 35 or about to be, this revelation is deep and will cause you to really look at Chapter 35 a different way. For those that aren't in Chapter 35 yet or surpassed it, trust this revelation will still hit home.

"The reason  daughter you find it hard to accept Chapter 35 is because you find it hard to believe I will truly vindicate all those that have done your wrong, devalued you, mistreated you, used you, and abused you.You think I forgot how you poured your heart out about the hurt they cause, and though you have forgiven them, the scares still sometimes hurt to look at. You think I haven't felt your rejection. persecution, or disappointment? You think I did not see how it tore your heart into to watch them leave you in your most vulnerable place just so they can be happy, with the disregard of your feelings? You didn't think I saw how the enemy took pleasure and using your anger, against you? You think I didn't see how the enemy tried to rip you out my arm, make you feel like I didn't love you, or I wasn't there when the hurt become to much for you to bare? When you wanted to end it all because it was too much for you to deal with, for your comprehend, and too much for you to give? I was there looking and watching it all take place.  It hurt me really bad to see you like that. But it was in those moments that I need you to grow, to mature, to trust me, to love, to have hope in me and realize that I got your back. It was in those moments that I sat up in my seat waiting for you to response so that I may get the glory. And daughter there were moments that you failed, but there were also moments where you succeed. In those moments of success is where my glory made a way for your story to be so much greater. It's time that you let me restore. It's time that you trust me and have confident in this one thing....You will see my goodness. You will experience my joy... I have not forgotten about you. You are  still  worth the work of the cross... you are still worth the breath that I breathe into your lungs everyday. You are worth more to me than the life I created in you. You are the apple of my eye and you are wonderfully made in my image and there is nothing you or anyone on this earth I made that can take away that value. So please gather the decorations from your pity party  and throw them in the trash, for I am your Daddy and you are so ready for your vindication."

Now this message may seem personal and to a certain point it is, but know that it is also
meant as a reminder that you are worth it all. Everything Daddy  has for you is worth your wait, time, and trust in HIM. Never allow your timing to become a weight on your waiting that you miss your moment to experience GOD's glory.

Prayer: Daddy you  are more than life to us. There are not enough words in our vocabulary that can express the gratitude of our hearts. You give us freedom when we are bound by sin, you give us life when death had the right to call us his, and you give us joy when we abused your grace. Thank you Daddy for always giving us another change to get  right. For us to throw away our pity party decorations and put on the gladness of your joy, the full armor of you for war, and your peace that surpasses our understanding. Thank you for your perfect timing and the ability to give us the desire of our hearts, because we live in your heart desires. In Jesus Name...AMEN

What is the Works

So a couple of weeks ago I had the privilege to bring a motivational moment at my church. As usual I tolled with what I needed to say and address and then it dawn on me. Let me talk about this ocean faith movement that I am on.

I know you are wondering what is Ocean Faith? Well let me tell you like it was given to me by the Holy Spirit. Ocean faith is the level after mustered seed faith. It is the ability to see waves on the left and right side of you, yet you are walking on dry land.  It is the ability to no just walk on water but move it out of your way. Ocean faith is saying to GOD don't just use me, but stretch me to increase my capacity. Yep that's deep but exactly what Ocean Faith is. It is the most uncomfortable, trusting, and loving position you can be in. It is the the place where your relationship with GOD goes to the next level.

So with that being said I start looking for scriptures on faith, then James 2:26 came to me.  It states: "Faith, without works, is dead." Now as I was reading the scripture I become overwhelmed with focus on the word works. I always wondered what was the works. A lot of pastors, teachers, and believers are often states that the works is your ability to exercise your faith, by trusting and depending on GOD. But the revelation I got has nothing to do with that.

The revelation I got is, the works is love. Yep love and I have scripture to back it up I Cor. 13:2 states:"If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." This simple scripture points out three things: 1. Love is the foundation for your strength and ability to do what GOD has called you to do. 2. Love is the focus point of your faith and it causes you to operate in it.  and Last but not least 3. Love is the only way you can move forward in the things of GOD. So with this great revelation I realized that "Faith, without LOVE is dead." Deep right?

Love is the driving force of who GOD is... "For GOD so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son." Love is the reason we are save and have opportunity to eternal life. LOVE is the one thing that grants us new grace and mercy daily. LOVE is the focus point of who we are as sons and daughters of the KING. 

So the next time you need to exercise your faith, find some way to love....Because your love account is the the foundation that builds the interest for your faith account. Without love you will never able to exercise your faith.

Prayer: Daddy help us to love in order to build faith in you and the things that you called us to. Help us to forgive quickly, speak softly, and stand firmly on the principles of your love. In Jesus Name. AMEN!

Soul Passion

Psalm 42:1 As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my GOD.

It's amazes me every time I read that verse how it bring about fresh revelation. As soul commanders we must realize that the true pursuit of seeking GOD, is seeking him beyond our own strength. The word pant in this verse means to breath with short, quick breaths.  So let me put this definition to use with this verse. As a deer that breathes with short, quick breaths for streams of water, so my soul will press with short, quick steps towards you GOD. Hum that is really deep.  This scripture is telling us that we have to command our souls to go beyond its strength to press towards the presence of GOD. WOW that means we cannot give up even when we feel like life is taking our breath away.

Life Application: Ask yourself this question: am I to a place or point where I am willing to press towards GOD, even when life seems to be taking my breath away? If you are not in a place where you can see yourself pressing towards GOD, to the point you are fighting for your last breath, then there are three things you need command your soul to do: 1. Trust GOD. 2. Let go of doubt and fear. 3. Let go of your own strength.

Prayer: Father we thank you that in you we have breath, because you are the creator of all things. Father we just ask as we press towards you out of breath, feeling like our oxygen is low, and life is sucking us dry, remind us that you breathe breath of life back into us. Father up us to surrender our strength that yours can make us strong. Father we command our souls to submit to you and your will and we command it to obey your plan for the pressing you called us to, just to be in your presence. In Jesus Name! AMEN

Soul Salvation

Psalms 35:9: Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation.
I love David, because despite his mood swings he always came back to the place of salvation, the LORD. He always found a way to remind himself of the great things that can be found in  the LORD which was salvation. The same salvation we have access to through Christ Jesus. The same salvation that sets us apart from the words and gives us the eternal promise of everlasting life. The same salvation that allows us the ability to gain new grace and mercy every day. SALVATION, what a powerful word, but most importantly a powerful action. When one thinks about salvation we immediately think the cross, which is truly the access to all the promise of GOD, but David knew nothing about the cross, yet he commanded his soul to rejoice, due to his salvation, found in who...the LORD. Wow!!! David got the revelation of the promise before the promise was even born. What a mighty GOD we serve. That the LORD can give revelation to the ancestor of the one who would save the world, before he was even born.

Life Application: Ask yourself these questions when was the last time I rejoice about being saved? Have I allowed salvation to be limited to words, or have I allowed salvation to become an action that fuels my trust in GOD? Remember salvation is free, the price has been paid, but the things that fuel the action of salvation to remain active in your life, is your ability to rejoice in what Christ did on the cross for you over 2,000 years ago. Never allow your ability to be save by grace, through faith, be something you take for granted. Do like David did and command your Soul to rejoice in the LORD, because he has given you access to salvation with eternal promises.

Prayer: Father, we thank you that through Christ we have access to salvation, which gives us direct access to you. We thank you that in you  we do rejoice, because it's in you that we find everlasting life, blessings, and the promises of yes and amen. In JESUS name. Amen

The Examination of Faith

Hello Readers!

I know.. I know it's been a while but after constant conversations with Daddy I am in a place where I have to make this a priority again. So today I want to talk about the process of faith. On the way to work and just in the last couple of months (9 months to be exact) GOD has really been challenging me in the area of faith. Yep FAITH. So I was in the car today and I ask Daddy why do I continue to get the prophetic word that says I need to trust you? That you are isolating me? That I have to deal with the pruning and and make scarifies?  And he told me Daughter look at your actions. I will tell you to do the simple things and you are asking questions like Daddy is that you?!? I know I am not by myself and if I am then .... That's fine, because today I want to share the start of this process of examination of my faith. As Daddy continue to show me, my faith issues and areas I continue to waiver in when trusting him; of course the spirit of conviction came over me, and this scripture hit my soul:
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. (James 1:5-6)  

Do you know how many time I've asked Daddy to guide and give me the wisdom to move forward in the things that he has called me to.. I mean this blog for example is one that can truly be a faith move of wisdom in action. But it's verse 6 that cut me ..... " you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." I am in tears just meditating and speaking on the verse. I got the revelation that the life changes that I have and am experiencing are not just due to season changes alone, but to the fact that I have cast myself to the winds.... EEW!!! Please forgive my overwhelm conviction right now. I am in a place where I am trying to learn Daddy as "I AM," and that takes a lot. Because to know him as " I AM" you are going to have to examine your faith. You are going to have to get out the currents of the winds and get on the boat and ride it out. Oh I am preach to myself and probably some of you. But I had to ask Daddy when and how did I get here.. His response, "You tell me." I was like I don't know.. Was it before the marriage or after? Was it before all the life changing events... divorce...death..moving...being a daughter....embracing me again...?!?! I don't know.. Then Daddy was like you do but maybe you don't want to admit it. Actually I do remember.... It was the divorce. It was when I thought I had totally blew it and I have never bounced back from it. Ever since my divorce I have been caught in the currents of the waves and winds. I have created gods that were higher than Daddy unintentionally and I have allowed those to be my hiding places. One being my sorority... Yep I am sorority girl... I love my sorority and all my sorority sisters. They have been a blessing to me in every life changing event. They have supported, held me up, and prayed with me. Even this past week when I thought I was having a stroke and had to go the ER (by the way I am ok it was not a stroke, just a wake up call to take care of me more better.) they were praying and keeping me calm. They were willing to drive to my aid. But in my conversation with Daddy, he told me it's time that I let them go... Not the relationship but the duty of god that I have made them. Again without the intention to do so. This goes also with certain friends and even relationships I have. I have cause them to be a priority over GOD... Over DADDY! So that is the reason for my prophetic word of isolation and pruning, Learning to let go of  your security is a hard and heart thing to do. But it must be done, and done not in your strength, but that of THE FATHER. So as I continue to examine my faith I have made up in my mind that this is a process. It's not going to happen overnight but it is something that I must endure. I must  realize that the process will truly yield great fruit. 

So today as I take this journey of examining my faith I will share with you... my readers the process and downloads that Daddy shares with me. Today we take a journey to make Daddy not only a priority again, but to also make his trust our truth. I don't know about you but I am tired of getting toss to and fro by the winds and waves of my own doubt, created  by my emotions, fueled by my insecurities, and covered by my words. TODAY is a new day and will continue to be the process of  GREATNESS.

Prayer: Daddy today as we examine our faith in you, help us realize what we contribute to the doubt of trusting you. Help us realize the brokenness that we have carried and tried to fix is not for us to hold on to or even deal with; but the perfect opportunity for us to surrender to you. Daddy help us to trust you again in all things, and not the things we do not have plans of actions for. Help us be in a position were we are not delayed in our obedience or questioning the motives of your instructions. Helps us always say "YES DADDY." Help and remind us that surrendering all is an everyday process, because the all we surrendered yesterday, comes with today's surrendering. Daddy help us live life in the words of mandated trust and not that of  "I might trust". Daddy gives us a heart to realize though your timing is not what we want it to be, it is still perfect, and that you only want the best for us. Help us let go of gods that we have created in our lives intentionally or unintentionally, that we can only see you. Bring us back to the place were your presence was all that we needed. That your yes was all we had.
In Jesus Name,  Amen!

The Friction of Wind

So today while at prayer Daddy revealed to me the purpose of wind. No it's not just to circulate the pollen in the air or keep us cool. The wind at its greatest speed will cause a great friction to occur that will cause things that were hidden or unknown to be revealed. Don't believe me? Let me give you scripture to back it up. Mark4:38-41
³⁸ Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”
³⁹ He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
⁴⁰ He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”
⁴¹ They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

Now I know you are saying what did the wind reveal in these verses? Well something great actually. Let's examine each verse to see how the wind revealed some great things starting with 38. In verse 38 we see two things that were revealed. The comfort, peace, and calmness of Jesus and the doubt of the disciples. Verse 39 we see the authority of Christ and the obedience of the wind. Verse 40 reveals the hearts of the disciples, their lack of faith, and dare I say it religious mindset. Ok let me pause because someone might get offended. But let me say this. These men had seen Jesus heal the sick, raise the dead, feed 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread with leftovers, and never went without anything. Yet they did not feel that Jesus the one that did all of this, could not save them from the strength of a might wind? This is the mindset of some believers (me included) if it's a great thing Daddy can do it but he does not specialize in the minor. WRONG!!! He specializes in all things concerning his children whether it is corporately or individually. Minor or Major. Religion in the sense I am talking about, is doing the action without the relationship. Or in disciples case seeing the work and going through the motions of following without realizing the work, works for them. I  know that sounds  heavy (in the words of my sister) so let me break this down in simple terms. That's like getting saved but not realizing it comes with benefits for the here and now. That's like having bluetooth capabilities and still holding the phone because you are not use to the accessibility that the bluetooth gives you. I hope you get it. So in summary, the disciples had access to Jesus and knew with him that miracle, signs, and wonders would happen but they forgot that it applied to them as well.... That's religion.... Ok, lets examine the last and final verse...Verse 41, which revealed three things... 1. That the disciples had allow the spirit of fear to consume them so much that even after Jesus gave them peace, they were still doubtful. 2. The disciples realized the authority of Jesus. 3. (Last, but not least) The disciples hearts had fail to realize who they were truly connected to. Isn't that crazy that after all that Jesus had done in these verses they were still left with questions. But that's like us, right. We ask Daddy to do something, give us a sign, or answer a prayer... He does it and we are still left questioning things about him. But I am here to tell you that the friction of the wind also creates space and opportunity for something new. Even thought verse 41 ends with a questions it also create the moment of growth that lead to so many great historical and biblical events. Events that gave us access to Daddy. So the questions now come: Are you ready for the friction of the wind in your life? Are you ready to see the heart that the wind will reveal when it comes to your relationship with Daddy? I know I am ready for the wind...it maybe painful, but it will at least create the opportunity and moment for me to passionately pursue JESUS and draw closer to Daddy.

Prayer: Daddy thank you, that though the winds in our lives may seem strong and unmanageable, we can call on the name JESUS and find peace, rest, and calmness. We thank you that it's at the name of JESUS that the winds must obey. We thank you, that we will never doubt or have little faith in the things of you Daddy.  Draw us closer to you through the winds of your glory, your peace, your grace and mercy. In Jesus Name, AMEN!

Unbothered Daddy

So I am in my office with all these thoughts going on in my head and I pick up my daily devotion calendar that is displayed on my desk just to change the date. Let me remind you I have had this calendar for years! Maybe 13 plus years. But I pick it up to read what March 21 says and this scripture has wreaked my day like literally wreak my day. Tore up my brokenness, rip my doubt, and breathe life into me. Isaiah 54:10 NIV: "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you."

I know you saying how could that one scripture wreak you like that? Well when you are in a place where you don't know if Daddy  is doing something for you and feel like things are going silent.

You wonder Daddy do you still love me? I mean to feel like Daddy are you really bothered by the things that I am bothered by or am I just praying empty prayers? Well this scripture  just ripped  those thoughts and more out my head. In one reading my heart was change and I had an awaking moment of who Daddy is. Daddy is Unbothered. That means that there is nothing I can do, this world can give, bill collectors can say, my finances can show that moves Daddy away from his covenant of peace. Ok, let me preach to myself. There is no amount of debt, issues, reports, stress, fear, anxiety, disappointment, feeling, or emotion that can shake Daddy’s love, compassion, or peace for me and towards me. Do you understand that? Daddy is so unbothered about what we are bothered about. He does not care how much the world says we have failed. Whether it be with goals we have set, debt we tried to cancel, or the lack of funds in our bank account. Daddy is unbothered with our strategies, but he is bothered that we have not sought out his peace and love, and that we have become so overwhelm with the world that we have allowed mountains and hills to block us from his presence. 

Prayer: Daddy help us to become unbothered by the things of this world, our life issues, and every strategy that we have created to get us out of whatever we have created for ourselves. Daddy help us become bothered by your love, peace, presence, word, and will for our lives. Help us become bothered by your supplication, provision, and strategy. Help us become bothered with being bothered in you. Bothered by your voice….Bothered by your assignments for our lives…Bothered by your love, healing, and just you Daddy. In Jesus Name! AMEN

Mask OFF

#HappyLOVEDay!!! I am so excited about today even in my singlehood, because to day is a day of conquering for me. Today I shared with a group of sorority sisters... Something I don't talk about a lot and haven't shared with a lot of people. Today I told them that Valentine's Day a.k.a Love Day is a trigger for me. About the age of I will say 22 I was madly in love and thought everything was about to fall in place in life. I was graduating and engaged.. But on V-Day that engagment ended and my heart was crush. I got over it and then 2010 on this same day my ex husband took my hand and declared his love for me at the altar. Romantic right?? But you did see ex in front of husband...lol After our divorce V-Day was never the same for me for 5 years on this day I would contemplate suicide, feelings of worthlessness would overtake me, and I would find myself in this deep depression. I would be smiling on the outside but tore up on the inside. I shared this with my sorority sisters and some where shock... The room got silent and heavy.. (I don't like those moments) but it was then that I realize how free and delievered I was from this pain of 5 years. I was able to share it with truth. Why am I sharing this with you? Because the the standards of society can overtake the standards of GOD if we allow it. I had allowed this to happen to me and I had to let GOD love me back to his standards of love. I felt lost and confused trying to fit in, when I was already in, but the enemy had me feeling I wasn't. I want you to know whether you have someone or not. The standard of the world's idealogy of love will never outlast the standards of GOD's love. Don't allow your singleness overtake you that you miss the moments of GOD's love, and don't allow your security in having a spouse make you forget your first love. Also I want you to know that if it hadn't been for yall loving me in those 5 years I would not be able to share this. Your love unknowingly saved me. So on today make sure you love on purpose. Spread the love. I know we should do this everyday, but take advantage of this day. Where the world is open to love and the idea of love and let someone know this doesn't have to be a one day out of the year moment, but a everyday moment. Love you  and thank you for loving me with purpose and tension.